20/20

Twenty things that make college football great:

1. Mom attended Auburn, dad went to Alabama.

2. Live mascots: Uga, Ralphie, Smokey, Bevo, Mike the Tiger, Rudy.

3. Player intercepts pass to knock archrival out of national championship game.

4. 59-year-old guy has eligibility left but doesn’t play for Brigham Young.

5. Eating a turkey leg at the Texas State Fair before Oklahoma versus Texas.

6. Commissioner vows to have every Southeastern Conference school off probation by 2008!

7. Boise State’s playbook.

8. T. Boone Pickens’ bankbook (If you fancy Oklahoma State).

9. Two-night minimum stay required at hotel for Alabama spring game.

10. Ribs at Dreamland in Tuscaloosa (ribs, white bread, chips -- no coleslaw, don’t even ask).

11. Making dinner reservations in a college town after the home team loses: “Table for six? No problem.”

12. Clock stops on first down to move the chains.

13. Overtime rule. Each team guaranteed at least one possession. How is that not fair?

14. Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden asking for the headsets.

15. South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier’s face after his quarterback misses an open receiver.

16. Replays of Doug Flutie’s last-second pass to beat Miami.

17. Coach suspends five starting players for Citadel -- but they’ll be back for Georgia.

18. Watching paint dry . . . on Notre Dame football helmets the night before a game.

19. Tightwad Hill (College’s version of sneaking into a drive-in movie).

20. Pat Hill (Fresno State coach will play anyone, anywhere, any time).

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And 20 things that make college football not-so-great:

1. Booster with three names who owns a car dealership.

2. Cheerleaders who don’t know the score.

3. Rose Bowl game played on Thursday night.

4. Any college game played on Friday night during the high school season.

5. The Stanford band playing any Saturday.

6. NCAA investigators who can’t make a case because they have no power of subpoena.

7. Joe Paterno standing on the sideline and two players headed his way.

8. Long connector flight with half the plane yelling “Boomer” and other half screaming “Sooner.”

9. Firethecoach.com.

10. Thirty-four out of 37 voting coaches dropping USC as No. 1 team after Trojans won 2004 Rose Bowl.

11. Fifty days off between last regular-season game and the Bowl Championship Series title game (Mostly a Big Ten problem).

12. Transfer rule. If the coach who recruited you bolts for a better job, you should be able to follow him out the door without sitting out a year.

13. The Wave: Allegedly started at a University of Washington football game in October 1981.

14. Coach with rollover contract who punts on fourth and two at his opponent’s 35.

15. Southern Methodist and Arizona State tied for lead with eight NCAA major sanctions violations.

16. Pregame jet flyovers for any game other than a BCS bowl.

17. Guy who says, “I am not going to be the Alabama coach” becomes the Alabama coach.

18. Schools in same conference with the same team nicknames. Example: Louisiana State and Auburn Tigers.

19. Starting tackle can’t afford to take girlfriend to movie, but coach’s contract provides private-jet usage.

20. Oregon Ducks’ home -- and away -- uniforms.

-- Chris Dufresne