Mercy rule is needed when the show gets going

A review of Laker playoff game No. 2 -- 14 wins to go.

PREGAME: Ned Colletti is probably the biggest Nuggets’ fan around here these days, rooting like crazy for Denver to win three games, before he begins shouting, “Go Jazz -- take the Lakers to seven.”

The longer the Lakers keep playing, maybe no one pays attention to the job Colletti is doing with the Dodgers.

But just imagine if Kobe Bryant is playing for Colletti’s team. If Mitch Kupchak grades out at an “F” to start the season, what does Bryant give Colletti?

And what are Colletti’s chances this season to go from F to A-plus? Well, can Pau Gasol play baseball? “Never organized,” Gasol said, like that’s made a difference with the collection of stiffs Colletti has brought to L.A.

As for the Lakers’ turnaround and Kupchak’s improving performance, this week Bryant took credit for it: “It takes pressure sometimes to make a diamond.”

So instead of Gasol, maybe Bryant should spend some time putting pressure on the Dodgers brass. He called Jerry Buss an “idiot.” Just imagine what he might call Frank McCourt? Nothing that I haven’t already called him, of course.

The Lakers must really like their chances to play into June. They have their guys playing the Boston Celtics on the cover of their 2008 playoff guide -- Magic delivering a hook over Robert Parish.

OK, so here we go, five minutes to tipoff and TNT’s Craig Sager is folding the little orange hanky that will go into the pocket of his orange suit coat. If Sager ever gets arrested and has to join the folks along the highway picking up trash, he’s already got the outfit.

FIRST QUARTER: Pau Gasol goes to the free-throw line and oddly no one in Staples Center is chanting, “VIP,” because he really is. The Nuggets don’t appear as if they are bothered whatsoever by the news Star Jones has filed for divorce, jumping out to an early six-point lead.

How odd, there’s an orange pylon at the end of the court like it’s an end zone -- oh wait, that’s Sager.

Kenyon Martin is all over Bryant, and Bryant has 10 points. He now has 20 points, and let’s see, at this pace, four quarters and he scores 80. I’ve seen better from him.

SECOND QUARTER: No Bryant on the court; Phil Jackson can be such a party pooper. Right now Luke Walton is the team’s leading scorer out there with three points. The game is dragging, so during a break they show Magic Johnson on the overhead screen and introduce him to the crowd. Suddenly there’s a buzz in the place.

Bryant returns, scores and Jordan Farmar goes under a trio of Nuggets, and the hoop as well, for a show-time basket. Magic’s still got it, all right, the game turns.

The former Miss Radio Personality, now just a daughter, e-mails to say, “random thought, George Karl resembles Archie Bunker.” It’s like being on the radio again: Will you just stifle.

The Nuggets are playing with a pair of guys who look like future Clippers in Eduardo Najera and Nene. They’re just terrible.

Three fouls on Lamar Odom, and then the referees believe in making it fair, three fouls on Carmelo Anthony.

Lakers by 10 at the half, and I wonder if they’ve switched over to “American Idol” in Denver.

THIRD QUARTER: The Nuggets look as if they are going to start their off-season vacation in a few days, so I might suggest looking for the play, “McGuire,” if it’s in the neighborhood.

Caught it in San Diego on Tuesday, the life story of basketball coach and TV broadcaster Al McGuire as written by Dick Enberg starring Cotter Smith. My favorite line from the play, McGuire wanting to know “why kamikaze pilots wore helmets?”

Oops, spoke too soon. Nuggets 68, Lakers 67 before Walton takes over. When’s the last time anyone wrote a sentence like that?

Walton has 15 points, the Lakers have a 10-point lead, but since scoring 20 in the first quarter, Bryant has 10. Reminds me of a Will Ferrell movie, lots of promise at the start only to fizzle.

But how about that inbounds play? The ball comes into Gasol, who turns and sets Bryant up for a dramatic dunk off a perfect ally-oop. As Jack Nicholson would tell you, “As good as it gets.”

FOURTH QUARTER: Jackson is 17-0 in the playoffs after his team leads 2-0, and Denver’s chances now appear to be riding on Archie Bunker’s ingenuity.

“Kobe stepped back into his scoring role and was able to sustain it,” Jackson says.

Bryant just weaved his way down the middle, scores, everyone on their feet, and someone is holding up a sign: “Kobe for President.”

You really want him to go to Washington with so many years left to play basketball?

“When Kobe is making his jump shots, he’s somewhat undefendable,” says Bunker.

I notice George Lopez is sitting at one end of the court. The cheerleaders keep standing and blocking his view. He never complains.

Walton scores 18, plays a second straight game like everyone had hoped he would play all year. Walton’s dad, Bill, is home with a very sore back. It’s hard enough for him to sit still, can’t imagine how he kept himself from getting twisted into a pretzel while following his kid’s every move on the court.

You know he was smiling, though.

But isn’t there some kind of mercy rule in the playoffs? Bryant destroys Linas Kleiza, shakes his head as if to say “Why is he even bothering?” and then the show really starts.

He throws in another long three and then drives to the hoop, scores on an acrobatic shot and gets fouled. He scores 49, leaves the game with 2:02 to play, the Lakers up by 19 and is it too early to start talking about the Jazz?

No.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers. Go to latimes.com/simers.