They’ve hit rock bottom

There are two soccer teams in Manchester, England: Manchester United, which is the reigning English and European champion and boasts such stars as Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez, and Manchester City, which appears to be drifting into realms seldom visited by any team, let alone those in the Premier League.

Thaksin Shinawatra, the former prime minister of Thailand who owns Manchester City, has ordered club officials to bury feng shui crystals beneath the playing surface at the team’s Eastland’s stadium and also to place them at strategic spots around the ground.

The crystals will be located under the center circle and at the four corner flags, as well as on 100 concrete posts around the stadium.

They are supposed to radiate positive energy and bring harmony, but City fans are wondering how the crystals differentiate friend from foe and, more important, whether signing a few better players might not have been a sounder investment.

Perhaps Shinawatra should have bought Crystal Palace instead.

--

Trivia time

Who is the oldest golfer ever to win the British Open?

--

Swing and miss

Padraig Harrington’s victory at the British Open on Sunday left 16 of the world’s leading golf writers and commentators with egg on their faces.

Before the Open began, BBC Sports polled the 16, asking who they thought would win the event at weather-beaten Royal Birkdale, who would come close and who the dark horse might be.

Twelve said Sergio Garcia would win. Two said it would be former U.S. Open champion Angel Cabrera, and there was one vote apiece for Lee Westwood and Jim Furyk.

Defending champion Harrington got nary a mention, not even as a longshot.

--

Clock watching

Serena Williams’ quarterfinal match at the Bank of the West Classic at Stanford last week was held up for more than an hour when an earlier match ran long.

Not a problem, said the Wimbledon finalist.

“No one can kill time the way I can,” she said. “I’m a professional time killer. I can sit for three hours and I couldn’t tell you what I did. If it was an Olympic sport, I’d be a 20-time gold medal winner.”

--

Rope a dope

The folks at Haydock race course in England thought it would be a good promotional idea to name a race after the country’s most famous fighter, so they invited the boxer to the track to watch the Ricky Hatton Stakes.

Bad idea.

While Hatton enjoyed his day at the track, he also started tearing up and sneezing. Turns out he is allergic to horses. Paramedics had to come to Hatton’s aid, after which he switched to his own cure -- antihistamines with beer chasers.

--

Just say no

As if soccer’s 2010 World Cup did not already have enough problems, now George Lekgetho, a member of the South African parliament, has called for prostitution to be legalized during the month-long tournament.

“It is one of the things that would make it a success,” Lekgetho argued, but his parliamentary colleagues were quick to give the proposal the boot.

--

No crossbows

Among the many items that China has forbidden fans from bringing to events at next month’s Olympic Games are guns, ammunition, crossbows, daggers, fireworks, knives, bats, long-handled umbrellas, long poles, animals (except for guide dogs) and laser devices.

Noting that the list also includes corrosive chemicals and radioactive materials, Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel wrote: “So I guess that means they won’t serve the usual ballpark nachos and cheese.”

--

Trivia answer

Fittingly, it was “Old Tom” Morris, who was 46 when he won in 1867.

--

And finally

ESPN.com columnist Gene Wojciechowski, on the Brett Favre-Green Bay Packers issue: “The whole situation is messier than eating barbecue ribs with your knuckles.”

--

grahame.jones@latimes.com