Jackson prefers to think about the whole enchilada

They don’t allow us to cheer on press row at Lakers games, so you can just imagine how hard it is to remain quiet when all of you are shouting: “We want tacos, we want tacos.”

The way the newspaper business is going these days, who needs free tacos more?

And let’s be honest, given the level of competition here in the Utah Jazz, the only thing in question during the first round of the playoffs is . . . free tacos or not.

The deal all season long has been if the Lakers win and hold their opponent to fewer than 100 points, every fan receives a coupon for a pair of 99-cent tacos. This explains why folks, who are now spending $3,500 for each courtside seat, are in no rush to go for the doors.

Now technically the media is not eligible to receive a coupon for tacos because it doesn’t pay for tickets. But you’ve probably noticed one of our assistant editors, Barry Stavro, the old man standing outside Staples Center picking up unwanted taco coupons.

I can’t tell you how hard everyone in the office is pulling for Stavro to do something, so far the Lakers passing out coupons 21 times, tacos all around.

In Game 1, though, the Lakers gave away everyone’s free tacos as if they didn’t care about any of you. Kobe turned the ball over in the final seconds, Sasha Vujacic saying later he gave Kobe a hard time, which is more than the Jazz have done so far, and Utah scored in the final seconds to land on 100.

Obviously the Lakers need to be a little nastier, so when Phil Jackson met with the media, I asked him what you would have asked if given the chance.

“Weren’t you disappointed when your squad lost free tacos for everyone?”

Right away Jackson expressed disgust, and I was thinking, of course, he was counting on those free tacos like everyone else before Kobe threw them away.

But I was wrong. He was disgusted with me.

“That’s not important,” the Party Pooper said -- your free tacos not important to the head coach of the Lakers, the game already won, everyone paying premium prices for a night of entertainment and chanting, “We want tacos, we want tacos.” And that’s not important.

So I brought up Jeff Van Gundy, the former coach and ABC blabbermouth who blasted the taco promotion Sunday because it diminished the play on the court. I’m sure if he had his way, Van Gundy would play every game with the arena empty so time wasn’t wasted trying to entertain the crowd.

As I expected, Jackson reacted with disgust once again, because isn’t that everyone’s reaction when mentioning Van Gundy’s name? But no, it was me again.

“So what is important?” I asked the Party Pooper -- figuring maybe he’d say the cure for cancer, a good-night kiss from Jeanie or maybe even an extended vacation for Page 2/3.

“The game is important,” the Party Pooper said, importance obviously a relative thing -- some people thinking right now it’s important to end the night with the silly fun that comes with winning tacos while others maybe thinking it important their doctor sleep well before performing surgery on them the next day.

Hey, if everyone knows the Lakers are going to win Game 2 before Game 2 is played, how important can it be?

The media tried to make Jackson feel important, though, because they’re uncomfortable when he’s disgusted. So they asked him the same questions they asked a day earlier, and the day before that, even though they already knew the answers.

“How’s Farmar’s foot?” “How’s Bynum’s rust?” and “Is a Game 2 harder to win than Game 1?”

Jackson earnestly answered all those questions as if he was breaking down an Einstein equation.

OK, so if the Party Pooper isn’t going to care about making the meaningless end to a game a little more fun with free tacos on the line, I thought I’d check with someone who will be on the floor during garbage time.

“It’s a trick,” Vujacic said. “They give everyone spicy tacos and no drink. Maybe it would be better if they included a drink.”

It might be a nice reward, if not an incentive, come the Finals against the Cavaliers, but right now it’s all about tacos, and the Jazz have 78 points after three quarters -- more than 100 with four minutes to go.

If the Lakers really have an interest in making you happy during the remainder of the playoffs, they’re going to have to play better defense. In fact by the time this whole thing is over, Jackson might be leading the cheer, “We want tacos.”

It beats anything he’s been telling them.

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I CAN’T stop laughing.

I hear Jeff Kent, the guy who just wanted to be left alone, is going to competing on a new version of “Superstars,’ paired with the former Doritos commercial girl, Ali Landry.

Stop it, you’re killing me.

Landry told askmen.com in an interview her role models are “Rosie,” and oh what I would give for a look at Kent’s grouchy face when he hears that, and “Oprah.”

Stop it. Kent’s “Superstars” partner went to the University of Southwestern Louisiana and majored in “mass communications.” Yeah, that will come in handy with Kent.

The eight teams will compete in weekly TV events such as swimming, but what are the chances of seeing Kent jump in to save Terrell Owens should Owens cramp up? If only Milton Bradley wasn’t busy playing for the Cubs.

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VIN SCULLY was inducted into the National Assn. of Broadcasters’ Hall of Fame on Tuesday. Scully was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1982, but the broadcasters apparently wanted to make sure he wasn’t a flash in the pan before bestowing such an honor on him.

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t.j.simers@latimes.com