You heard it here first, and only here

“The Arizona Cardinals are headed to the Super Bowl!” is one of the least-heard phrases in Arizona sports history. After exhaustive research, we are pleased to present you with the least-heard sports phrases in L.A. sports history:

“Has anyone seen Magic? He’s so reclusive.”

“John Wooden cursed me out at the store the other day.”

“Dad, can we go to a Clippers game this weekend?”

“I’d watch the Dodgers more often, but I can’t stand listening to Vin Scully.”

“Kobe would be the perfect player if he’d learn to shoot more.”

“Look at Garret Anderson hustle after that ball.”

“The Lakers really seem to miss Kwame Brown.”

“What channel is the Galaxy game on?”

“They won’t run on Juan Pierre. He has a cannon for an arm.”

“Who’s that nice elderly lady with Jerry Buss?”

“Two Dodger Dogs and a coke? That will be $5.”

“I wish Phil Jackson would calm down on the sideline.”

“Are those guys Bruins fans? Let’s go say hi!” (USC fans only)

“Here comes Michelle Kwan, and she’s wearing her Olympic gold medal.”

Trivia time

Now that the Cardinals are in, which are the only five active NFL franchises to never make the Super Bowl?

No Cesar Geronimo?

Sports fans finally have a reason to watch “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”

Johnny Bench and Joe Morgan helped DeGeneres snare actor George Clooney for her TV show.

DeGeneres made it her mission to get Clooney on her daytime television show. Clooney’s former “ER” co-star Noah Wyle told DeGeneres some Big Red Machine players from the 1970s might pique Clooney’s interest because he grew up around Cincinnati and is a big Reds fan, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer.

Team executives helped line up the appearance of Bench and Morgan, and Clooney jumped at the chance to appear with them.

The show was taped Thursday and will air today.

Random thought

Is it wrong to root against the Cardinals because their name reminds you of the St. Louis Cardinals, and when you think of the St. Louis Cardinals, you think of Jack Clark and Ozzie Smith, and when you think of Jack Clark and Ozzie Smith, you think of the 1985 NL Championship Series?

Trivia answer

The Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars and New Orleans Saints.

At least it was Hawaii

Chad Campbell flew all the way to Hawaii and only got to play one round of golf. And it wasn’t even at Waialae.

In a fluke start to his season, Campbell forgot to sign up for the PGA Tour’s Sony Open and didn’t realize it until he had made the eight-hour flight from Dallas to Honolulu.

He played golf at a different course with his caddie and friends, then caught a red-eye flight back to Dallas.

And finally

New baseball Hall of Famer Jim Rice, when asked whether it took him 15 tries to be elected because of his poor relationship with the media: “I don’t think I was difficult to deal with for writers. I think the writers were difficult to me.”