Returning to the lives we put on hold

House

One doc flew over the cuckoo’s nest. Can you guess which one? Clue: He walks with a cane. After that long-awaited sex scene between Cuddy and House, we learned it was all in House’s imagination. Amber, Kutner, Cuddy, all of it. In. His. Head. Doc’s got major issues. But they’re being dealt with at the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, thanks to Wilson. What are friends for?

Fox, 8 p.m. Monday

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How I Met Your Mother

Ted, bro, she was standing right next to you! But we’re OK with waiting until you meet her in your class, professor. Barney and Robin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Lily and Marshall: living large downwind of the sewage treatment plant.

CBS, 8 p.m. Monday

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Heroes

Sylar killed Nathan, but if you love Nathan, don’t worry. You’ll see him again because Sylar is taking over his body, thanks to some handiwork by HRG, Angela and Matt, who covered up Nathan’s death by erasing Sylar’s memory to make him think that he is Nathan. If you love Sylar, this could be a problem.

NBC, 8 p.m. Monday

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The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon, Leonard, Wolowitz and Raj left Pasadena to summer at the North Pole. Three months of glorious R&R; -- eating reconstituted Thai food, watching movies and proving string theory. All while Penny pined for Leonard. Aren’t there easier ways to play hard to get?

CBS, 9:30 p.m. Monday

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Grey’s Anatomy

Izzie and George both walked into the elevator of death, but only one of them took the plunge. It wasn’t Izzie. Meredith and McDreamy got married via Post-it note. It wasn’t expensive. Bailey decided to divorce her husband and leave the pediatric fellowship program. It wasn’t easy. McSteamy realized Lexie is too young for him. It wasn’t rocket science.

ABC, 9 p.m. Thursday

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The Mentalist

Red John, Red John, wherefore art thou, Red John? Are you at Rosalind Harker’s house? Are you at Dumar’s farm? Are you at that special nail salon where they use blood as polish? No worries, my friend. Patrick Jane is on the case and we trust he will find you and your smiley face. Probably in Season 8.

CBS, 10 p.m. Thursday

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Smallville

The death of Jimmy Olsen, who was really Henry James Olsen, made Clark speak of himself in the third person. “Clark Kent is dead,” he declared to Chloe, embracing his inner Superman. That was good until the Orb released a naked man surrounded by the symbol of Zod burned into the ground and things got a bit ominous.

CW, 8 p.m. Friday

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Dollhouse

The Dollhouse was under siege! Alpha, a former doll (brainwashed man for hire) who, incidentally, is now a serial killer, broke into the underground facility, imprinted the most popular doll, Echo, with a new personality, kidnapped her, and stole her bio-links -- that is, the GPS system the Dollhouse attached to her. A lot of stuff happened and Alpha escaped. Echo survived but can’t remember anything. Dollhouses sure have changed since we were kids.

Fox, 9 p.m. Friday

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Medium

Allison had a bad dream. No, really. In this one her entire family gets murdered. Well, that didn’t happen, but, man, did it give her a nasty headache. Then a stroke, and now she’s in a coma. It’s a good thing CBS picked up her show.

CBS, 9 p.m. Friday

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Desperate Housewives

Mike married someone. Bree kissed someone other than her husband. Lynette will give birth to two more someones. Susan helped put someone back in a mental hospital. Gabriela is stuck taking care of someone’s daughter.

ABC, 9 p.m. Sept. 27

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Dexter

For the first time in his life, Dexter had a BFF. Dexter taught his BFF how to kill people and hide their bodies. The BFF liked this. A little mucho. Dexter tried to host an intervention but there was no breaking the BFF. So Dexter strangled him. Which was sort of sad because Dexter had no best man at his wedding.

Showtime, 9 p.m. Sept. 27

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Californication

Lew Ashby is so dead. Hank’s love life is so very dead, now that he’s going to be a single dad. Karen’s love life is the opposite of so dead now that she’s moving to Manhattan by herself. Charlie’s love life is double dead since neither Daisy nor Marcy wants him. Becca’s love life is the opposite of dead now that she’s reconciled with Damien.

Showtime10 p.m. Sept. 27

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Brothers & Sisters

Tommy embezzled, left his wife and daughter, and ran off to a spiritual center in Mexico to find himself. The entire Walker clan -- and all of their issues -- went to Mexico to find him. Everyone wanted to hug and kiss him, except Kevin, who told him he should be ashamed of himself. No hugging and kissing either for Kitty and Robert, who separated because Robert is a politician and apparently Kitty didn’t know that, even though she worked for him. Justin and Rebecca did hug and kiss and got engaged. Saul hugged and kissed Ryan figuratively by hiring him back after Sarah fired him. Saul felt guilty that Ryan’s mother killed herself after Saul delivered the news that Senor Walker wanted to stop hugging and kissing her.

ABC, 10 p.m. Sept. 27

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Private Practice

Remember when Oceanside was a place where patients could receive holistic and intimate medical attention? Apparently, it’s also a place where embryos get switched, dissatisfied mental patients return to claim unborn babies from the wombs of their doctors (with a knife) and the head obstetrician (Addison, that would be you) starts an affair (again) with a married man while his wife is in labor. Patients: Head straight to Seattle Grace. Do not pass go.

ABC, 10 p.m. Oct. 1

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Nip/Tuck

Christian’s doctor told him his cancer is back, so he married Liz, who is a lesbian, but apparently only when he’s not around. Sean’s new girlfriend leads a double life that involves using anesthesia during foreplay and sometimes killing people. Sean is enjoying the anesthesia part. Just before Liz and Christian left for a honeymoon in Italy, the doctor called and told Christian there had been a lab mix-up and the cancer’s in remission. D’oh!

FX, 10 p.m. Oct. 14