When the Academy Awards don’t cover it, there are our Envy Awards
Here’s a phrase you don’t often hear: It’s too bad the Oscars ceremony isn’t longer so they could hand out even more prizes.
Sure, between red carpet preliminaries and the show itself you can spend a whole evening admiring and awarding Hollywood’s most luminous from the last year, but we think that some of the most deserving prizes never get handed out. With that in mind, here’s The Envelope’s own 2016 Envy Awards, where we make sure to shine, if not a spotlight, then at least a flashlight on those lesser-recognized, outstanding performances — no matter who’s responsible.
Most Poignant Use of Classic Rock
“45 Years”
As Kate (Charlotte Rampling) and her husband of 45 years, Geoff (Tom Courtenay), dance to the Platters’ “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes,” she appears to hear truth in the lyrics that makes her jerk away from him when the song ends — and on comes the Moody Blues’ “Go Now.” Pop music as emotional shorthand, indeed.
Most Romantic Use of Spaghetti
“Brooklyn”
“Lady and the Tramp” had their “Bella Notte” in 1955, but Irish immigrant Eilis’ (Saoirse Ronan) efforts to learn how to eat the pasta dish, and then her expertly executing those lessons at the table of Tony’s (Emory Cohen) family sets the stage for their blossoming relationship. A sweet, al dente moment.
Ultimate Rock ‘n’ Roller
Sean “iOTA” Hape, “Mad Max: Fury Road”
“Fury Road” is full of iconic characters, but the Doof Warrior (Hape) is the one who will make you laugh in awestruck admiration. Blindfolded and dressed in a red onesie, playing electric guitar atop a vehicle screaming through the desert and surrounded by speakers are not enough: He needs a jet of flame shooting out of his double-necked guitar to rally the troops to war. Most rock ‘n’ roll moment ever.
Artist Most Likely to Be Left Out of the “In Memoriam” Segment
Uggie
Every year someone gets left out of the awards show segment meant to acknowledge who we’ve lost over the last year. Academy, be alert: Don’t forget the late, great Jack Russell who helped turn “The Artist” into the 2012 best picture winner.
Best Extra Scenes
“Inside Out”
The whole film was a colorful blast of wonderful, but the bonus scenes that ran during the credits — most especially the view of the insides of cat and dog brains — were terrific enough to warrant their own movie. Please, Pixar?
Most Creative Use of a Common Household Product
Toilet paper, “Joy”
Admittedly, Matt Damon’s stranded astronaut in “The Martian” does work life-saving miracles with duct tape. But we’re gonna give this one to Jennifer Lawrence in “Joy,” for when she whips out a roll of toilet paper and uses it to divide a room between her squabbling relatives — her ex and her father. Who knew two-ply could pacify Robert De Niro?
Most Implausible Training Regimen Ever
“Star Wars: The Force Awakens”
Certainly, there are plenty of plot holes to go around in otherwise award-worthy films. In general, we observe them and move along for the sake of the story. But watching Rey, the adroit and resourceful heroine of the latest “Star Wars” entry, go from rank outsider to lightsaber-wielding expert able to take on and survive an assault from Vader wannabe Kylo Ren strained even our credulity.
Most Delightful Use of a Star Athlete
Tie: LeBron James (“Trainwreck”) and John Cena (“Sisters,” “Trainwreck”)
Athletes may be stars on the court or field, but they don’t always score in the movies. But this year, two female-driven comedies put two famous athletes to work and let them steal every scene they were in: James’ “Downton Abbey”-loving best friend/wingman shot consistent three-pointers while wrestler John Cena made his moves with charm.
From the Oscars to the Emmys.
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