No breasts? No buttocks? No problem. Early arrivals walking the red carpet at Sunday's 2013 Grammy Awards are playing it safe, sartorially speaking, and not running afoul of the wardrobe advisory sent last week by the Standards and Practices committee advising attendees to cover up.
Thongs and sheer panels were out, the email said. So was cleavage, puffy skin and "bare flesh undercurves" of the buttocks.
Not an issue for Janelle Monae, who worked her signature androgynous look in a tux jacket with sparkly lapels, a dripping bow tie and a flat top hat. She told E!, "I'm wearing ideas," and credited her stylist Erin Hirsh for putting it all together.
Miranda Lambert managed to keep it all tucked into her low-cut black Roberto Cavalli halter gown. The always well-behaved Taylor Swift played the goddess in a strappy white gown by J Mendel with cut outs over the waist, but nary a hint of side boob. And Carrie Underwood's tame black, baroque-looking beaded Cavalli looked more like something you would see at the Golden Globes than the Grammys, where over the years, viewers have been treated to such risqué red carpet statements as Jennifer Lopez's infamous, plunge-front, sheer jungle print Versace gown from 2000, Rihanna's barely legal, sheer white ruffled gown by Jean Paul Gaultier from 2010, and Toni Braxton's side-less, loin cloth of a Richard Tyler gown from 2001.
Things better heat up or I'm gonna fall asleep. Come on, Rihanna and Jennifer Lopez, flout the red carpet rules! Because what is rock 'n' roll without rule breakers?