The ‘conversation’ about police that parents should have with white children

To the editor: Nicholas Montemarano’s piece brought to my mind the consequences of not having that “conversation” with my black and white daughter, who we adopted in 1972. An adopted baby becomes “born to you” as soon as you change a diaper and get up at night. (“A black son, white parents and ‘the conversation’ about police,” July 15)

We just could not tell her that in our society she would experience rejection simply because she was part black. Instead we wanted her to hear that she was loved and treasured, the she could become whatever she wanted. So that’s what we told her.

Our refusal to have “the conversation” was child neglect. We did not prepare her for the rejection she then had to face alone. She had no tools to cope.

White parents, we need to wake up. There is something only we can do to fix the racial tension in our society. We need to tell our white children what is happening to their black friends. We need to have that conversation with our white children.

Barbara Van Enk, Carson

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To the editor: I found the article on having “the conversation” with one’s son very interesting.

I’m white with a white son, and it is nice to know that I can tell him, “Be rude to police officers; make sudden movements; if an officer asks to see your identification, reach for it quickly, preferably with your hands hidden; if you are mistreated, contest immediately, and using physical means is best.”

I think you get my point. “The conversation” is one every parent should have with their children, regardless of race (or gender). It’s common sense and nothing new; my father had it with me, and his father had it with him.

P.J. Gendell, Beverly Hills

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