Chris Dufresne’s final top-25 college football ranking
This is it for Rankman. He’s out of time, quips, bad puns and, after next week, work. It has been a 20-year honor to use an alter ego in this space to prod some of the nation’s finest football-playing diploma factories.
It was the goal here to make Arizona State getting into the top 25 more difficult than getting into Arizona State. It’s time, though, to go rank rock collections, sock drawers and the top 25 loudest weed whackers in my neighborhood.
1) Rankman; 1995-2015; Rage against the dying of the light. . . . Also Pac-12 refs and artificial turf. (NR).
1) Oklahoma 11-1; Toast: “Here’s hoping all your future great seasons include an ugly loss to Texas.” (6)
2) Alabama 11-1; What John McKay would have said about Derrick Henry carrying ball 46 times: “It isn’t heavy.” (1)
3) Clemson 12-0; Weak efforts versus Syracuse and South Carolina lower team’s AC&C bond rating. (2)
4) Iowa 12-0; Season has a dreamy, is-it-real, what-are-we-doing-here, “Wizard of Oz"-type feeling. (3)
5) Michigan State 11-1; In a nutshell: Spartans have lost (and won) one game they never should have lost (or won). (5)
6) Stanford 10-2; Ukropina changed major to science, technology and “kicking Notre Dame in the teeth.” (8)
7) Ohio State 11-1; Could be watching this year’s semifinals from a monastery the night before the Rose Bowl. (9)
8) Notre Dame 10-2; Wishes it had faced Ukropina’s 2012 Stanford bio page: “Did not see action.” (4)
9) Northwestern 10-2; Wildcats are second of three straight ranked teams that start with the letter “N.” (16)
10) North Carolina 11-1; Looking to defeat Clemson and then break the College Football Playoff ranking long-jump record. (12)
11) Florida State 10-2; Before you criticize Fla. for being bad you should walk a mile in their alligator shoes. (17)
12) Oregon 9-3; Outside looking in despite being only team to defeat Pac-12 North and South champions. (14)
13) Texas Christian 10-2; Band warned Baylor of trouble with pregame song: “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall.” (18)
14) Baylor 9-2; Congrats on a fine season . . . wait, you still have a game left against Austin-Longhorn State? (7)
15) Oklahoma State 10-2; Tossed in playoff clearance bin with poorly hemmed pants and broken zippers. (10)
16) Florida 10-2; Defense thinks 15 safeties should be enough to beat Alabama in SEC title game. (11)
17) Utah 9-3; Finished tied for first in Pac-12 South while also capturing the Great Salt Lake Basin Division. (20)
18) Michigan 9-3; Tough end to regular season no one had a right to think would be this good. (15)
19) Houston 11-1; Herman remains top choice for several USC boosters on safari without Internet access. (22)
20) USC 8-4; Fans thrilled with comfort-food Helton hire celebrate by baking chicken pot pies. (NR)
21) Temple 10-2; Don’t blink but Owls are one win from playing in first major bowl since 1935 Sugar Bowl. (23)
22) Mississippi 9-3; Good Golly Ole Miss Molly: Holding Arkansas to 51 would have made you SEC West champion. (24)
23) Navy 9-2; Tim Conway telling friends that “McHale’s Navy” could probably beat Army this year. (13)
24) UCLA 8-4; Off-season needs: offense, defense, new L.A. Times beat reporter. (19)
25) Wisconsin 9-3; Thank you Badgers for turning out lights on the last Rankman — it’s been a blast. (NR)
Dropped out: Toledo (25), Washington State (21)
Moved in: Wisconsin, USC
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