The Times’ college football rankings

To formulate this week’s standings, we put the teams in a blender and punched “puree.” Only Louisiana State, South Carolina, Wisconsin and Penn State retained their positions. The Southeastern Conference West jumped the retaining wall and is holding the Bowl Championship Series czar under house arrest. News that the Pac-12 Conference has three teams in this week’s top 10 was greeted with yawns at Dreamland Bar-B-Que in Tuscaloosa, Ala. Don’t bother memorizing rankings because they’re probably going to get tossed like a holiday salad.

1; Louisiana State 11-0; SEC rival thinks team may have cheated to get perfect 1.000 score in BCS standings. (1)

2; Alabama 10-1; Remember the Alamo, the Maine, the Auburn, the Cam and the Newton. (3)

3; Arkansas 10-1; If SEC West was the Bee Gees the Razorbacks would probably be Maurice. (5)

4; Stanford 10-1; Cardinal has finished second in last two Heisman races … and here comes Barkley! (6)

5; Oklahoma State 10-1; Anyone who didn’t feel for Cowboys last Friday has a heart the size of a Planters peanut. (2)

6; Houston 11-0; Lee Corso says GameDay had a “@$#$KLCC” blast in your town last weekend. (8)

7; Boise State 9-1; Theater production of “Richard III” alters line to “My kingdom for a kicker!” (10)

8; Virginia Tech 10-1; Reminder: You don’t just walk in and beat Virginia at Jefferson’s house (Monticello). (11)

9; USC 9-2; Kiffin earns SEC “Good Guy” Award for win over Oregon that helped Alabama. (18)

10; Oregon 9-2; Chip Kelly washed pants Sunday and found timeouts he left in his pocket. (4)

11; Oklahoma 8-2; School violates bylaw that prohibits losing to Texas Tech and Baylor in same season. (7)

12; South Carolina 9-2; English Department hosts reunion event called “When Chickens come home to Proust.” (12)

13; Kansas State 9-2; Trucker called 17-13 win at Texas tougher than a $2 steak at Bevo’s Bar & Gruel. (14)

14; Texas Christian 9-2; One week a year school is officially recognized as Turkey Christian University. (13)

15; Michigan State 9-2; “Hail Mary” replay crew put on active duty in advance of possible rematch against Wisconsin. (16)

16; Georgia 9-2; Legendary announcer Larry Munson (RIP) was equal in lore to Uga and Herschel Walker. (15)

17; Wisconsin 9-2; Bucky the Robot says, “That does compute” after team moves up to No. 24 in BCS index. (17)

18: Michigan 9-2; School wishes RichRod nothing but the best in viperous, vacuous Arizona wasteland. (20)

19; Clemson 9-2; Favorable outcome is any South Carolina game that doesn’t end with a brawl and a bowl ban. (9)

20: Penn State (9-2); What a mess: Must prepare for Wisconsin as ex-FBI director moves in to open a bureau. (21)

21; Baylor 7-3; Rankman starting to think quarterback RGIII is smoothest and coolest Baylor since Elgin. (NR)

22; Notre Dame 8-3; Stanford coach Pop Warner can’t wait to greet Irish at Palo Alto train station. (22)

23; Nebraska 8-3; The year 1976 can’t wait for this week’s big Thanksgiving game against Oklahoma. (19)

24; Georgia Tech 8-3; Fans turn back tickets upon hearing Georgia plays in the SEC … but in the EAST! (25)

25; Virginia 8-3; Thesis project: Would Jefferson have despised the BCS as much as he did the Federalists? (NR)

Dropped out: Florida State (23), Southern Mississippi (24).

Moved in: Baylor, Virginia

chris.dufresne@latimes.com