The Times’ top 25 college football rankings

Captain Larry Scott’s armada entered Rankman Bay and stole half the rum. Four Pac-12 schools are new to the poll and helped cover embarrassing Utah and Colorado losses to Utah State and Sacramento State. Swashbuckling, Errol Flynn-like No. 1 USC is trying to fight off No. 2 Alabama with one hand as it heads to No. 18 Stanford. No. 25 Louisiana Monroe, which stands dash free after having its “hyphen” surgically removed by a panel of stylebook editors, is still reveling in the afterglow of the epic win Saturday over No. 8 Arkansas. The Warhawks’ victory has inspired T-shirts that hail: “The Shock in Little Rock.” We say: Shock on!

1; USC 2-0; Matt Barkley is 0-3 vs. Stanford but has never lost to Samford or Stamford. (1)

2; Alabama 2-0; Saban & Smith meet in battle of SEC coaches who have lost to Louisiana Monroe. (2)

3; Oregon; 2-0; Forecast “drizzly” for Ducks after losing Boyett and York to season-ending injuries. (3)

4; LSU 2-0; We hear Miles scheduled Washington/Idaho back to back only to pick up fly-fishing tips. (4)

5; West Virginia 1-0; Team can recite by memory all U.S. presidents up to this week’s opponent: James Madison. (12)

6; Oklahoma 2-0; Sooners pass eye-chart tests UTEP and FAMU with TCU to come later in season. (7)

7;Texas 2-0; Horns still 262 votes short in electoral college after wins over Wyoming (3) and New Mexico (5). (8).

8; Florida State 2-0; My name is Jimbo Rankman and I approve this Seminole message. (9)

9; Ohio State 2-0; Columbus will offer booster shots to ward off Saturday invasion of Berkeley free radicals. (6)

10; Georgia 2-0; Bulldogs left their extended SEC footprint on backs of Missouri players. (12).

11; South Carolina 2-0; Gamecocks able to revive passing game after equipment man finds air pump for ball. (11)

12; Michigan State 2-0; Time flies: Spartans’ epic 2010 win over Notre Dame seems like only two years ago. (14)

13; Clemson 1-0; Furman Paladins is: A) this week’s opponent, or B) a plastics salesman from Greenville. (16)

14; Louisville 2-0; No one really expects the Cardinals to be academically tested by North Carolina. (19)

15; Kansas State 2-0; Made Miami look like team it will be after the NCAA puts Canes on probation. (20)

16; Notre Dame 2-0; Manager Kelly moves QB Rees to bullpen to face left-side cornerbacks in save situations. (22)

17; Michigan 1-1; Will no longer play opponents starting with “A” after Appalachian, Alabama and near miss against Air Force. (17)

18; Stanford 2-0; Does not technically own USC since 2006 but has lease with an option to buy. (NR)

19; UCLA 2-0; Sgt. Mora tells Gomer Pyle (BMOC) to quit gushing about one win over Nebraska. (NR)

20; Arizona 2-0; RichRod says Tucson just like Michigan except for the delusional hecklers and arrogant know-it-alls. (NR)

21; Oregon State 1-0; Beavers are on pace to become first school with more off weeks than games during season. (NR)

22; Texas Christian 1-0; Frogs make Big 12 debut at Kansas unless they change leagues before Saturday. (24)

23; Virginia Tech 2-0; Last week it was 1-AA AP (Austin Peay). This week it’s 1-A AP (Austin Pittsburgh). (25)

24; Boise State 0-1; Has scored as many offensive touchdowns this year (zero) as your car and a steak knife. (23)

25; Louisiana Monroe 1-0; Look out Auburn Tigers, they’re coming after you next! (NR)

Dropped out: Arkansas (10), Nebraska (13), Oklahoma State (15), Wisconsin (18), Utah (21).

Moved in: Stanford, UCLA, Arizona, Oregon State, Louisiana Monroe.