Dodgers’ bumbling, brawling enough to spoil a columnist’s vacation

I am supposed to be resting after a trying week of golf in the Lake Tahoe area.

But my blood is boiling, the Dodgers are infuriating and so why do we let our youngsters watch baseball?

I begin with Monday night. I like listening to Vin Scully. He relaxes me, not to say his stories put me to sleep, but he would laugh if I hinted as much.

The Dodgers are winning, and everyone knows they will win if they don’t bring in Brandon League, except the team’s manager.

League bombed out as a closer in Seattle, which is why he’s now employed by the Dodgers. He’s a fine relief pitcher, but not a closer, so why are the Dodgers using him as a closer?

Are they that intent on finishing last? Is there some provision in the Guggenheim/McCourt deal that has McCourt making the calls to the pen?

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Anyone who has watched Kenley Jansen throw knows he doesn’t mess around. He just fires the ball and the game is over.

How does anyone who is on vacation go to bed after watching the Dodgers throw a game away? Might as well watch “Criminal Minds” or “The Bachelorette” if wishing to encourage nightmares.

The sun comes up, the Dodgers play again and I know Scully is going to be talking some more about Yasiel Puig. And it’s been a long time since we’ve heard Scully get really excited.

I remember as a kid turning to watch my dad to see if he was laughing while watching some comedian on TV. That was important, although I’m not sure why.

I don’t care if the Dodgers win or lose as much as I want to know Scully is having a good time. Hard to explain, but I know now what it’s like to no longer have the chance to turn and see if my dad is laughing.

So there I am watching the Dodgers again on Tuesday night when former Dodger Cody Ross gets nicked on the hand when Zach Greinke comes inside with a pitch. OK, it happens.

Puig comes up a short time later, and he looks like he can hit anything. No human has ever been able to do that. Maybe Ted Williams was the best, but he was only successful four times out of 10.

The Diamondbacks pitched him high and inside Monday night, and the Braves did the same.

Arizona pitcher Ian Kennedy not only goes high and inside but nails Puig in the face. Kennedy is having a terrible year, which means he hasn’t been hitting his spots, but why do I think he did in this case?

I tell the wife someone on Arizona’s team is going to get hit now because baseball players are macho stupid like that.

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She’s grading papers written by her fifth-graders and I wonder why she’s never asked me to speak to her class about writing? I can’t tell you how many people have suggested I write just like a fifth-grader.

Arizona comes to bat and Greinke throws behind Miguel Montero, the ball hitting Montero. Montero shows a rare flash of maturity for a major league player. He takes a step toward Greinke, but then moves to first base.

Then Greinke picks up a bat. Greinke may be the Dodgers’ second-best hitter next to Puig, and Kennedy goes head hunting.

Now this is where baseball purists and hypocrites unite in how they explain what just happened. The purists will tell you it’s up to the players to police the game, these hypocrites then explaining there is no place in baseball for head hunting.

It’s assault. Pure and simple, kids. A guy has a ball in his hand, and when he throws at someone he is assaulting their good health. There is nothing to admire in such potential brutality.

A few inches off and a player might spend the night in a hospital or lose his opportunity to make millions if there is further damage.

Do a similar thing outside the ballpark, go vigilante on someone and the cops are called.

Fans love it, and consider it show of toughness. But where is the nobility in pitchers taking turns trying to hit the guy on the swing sitting in a water tank?

Andre Ethier reacted like an athlete should, kids. They hit Puig, and he hit the ball out of the park to help beat them.

Didn’t we learn anything watching “West Side Story,” always a chance a rumble isn’t going to go right?

The prime combatants in this fracas for the Dodgers were Ronald Belisario, J.P. Howell and Puig.

I didn’t know Howell played for the Dodgers and he was draped all over Turner Ward. He’s the Diamondbacks’ assistant hitting coach and I still don’t know why Howell was so steamed at him.

Mark McGwire was in Kirk Gibson‘s face and then was holding on to Arizona coach Matt Williams.

If McGwire was doing his job as a hitting coach he would have thrown a bear hug around Puig instead of allowing him to get thrown out of the game. And later maybe suspended.

I just wanted a little time listening to Scully.

But if this keeps up and I might have to return to work and start throwing the barbs.

t.j.simers@latimes.com