Sideline Chatter: If chess boss runs for FIFA job, would it be a diagonal move?

What do corner kicks and castling have in common? Stay tuned.

Russia’s Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, mulling a run for FIFA president, is presently the sixth-term president of ... the World Chess Federation.

Headlines

At SportsPickle.com: “RG3 struggles after demotion to stadium beer vendor.”

At TheOnion.com: “MRI reveals Sam Bradford’s ACL knot holding strong.”

Bear with him

The Chicago Transit Authority even made erratic QB Jay Cutler the voice of a new campaign promoting public transportation to Bears games.

In other words, it’ll be easier than ever to intercept a ride to Soldier Field this season.

Stat of the week

The Marlins’ J.T. Realmuto became the first catcher to hit an inside-the-park home run and a conventional home run in the same game in 35 years and the inside-the-park job that went 22 feet farther on the fly (406 to 384) than the one that left the park did.

Can’t stop to think

“A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall,” noted NBC’s Seth Meyers. “And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket.”

$95 billion question

Las Vegas bookmakers told ESPN that Americans will bet $95 billion on NFL games this year.

“Give you 2-to-1 they won’t,” said Pete Rose.

Let’s talk turkeys

One thing to be thankful for, 2 1/2 months in advance: Selfie sticks hadn’t yet been invented when Terrell Owens and Deion Sanders were choreographing their end-zone celebrations.

What, no orange slices?

Surefire sign that the Houston Astros have a young roster this season: Players who hit home run are rewarded with Gummy Bears.

Talking the talk

Brad Rock of Salt Lake City’s Deseret News, on UFC fighter Ronda Rousey portraying the bouncer role in the “Road House” remake: “In this one, she throws Floyd Mayweather out the door and tells him to come back when he can pay for his drinks.”

Blogger Chad Picasner, after the Blue Jays pounded Yankee pitchers for 30 runs, 40 hits and 10 home runs in winning the first three games of their weekend series: “By Saturday night, the Yankee pennant on the top of the stadium was a white flag.”

Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the flap over coaches’ communications going haywire during the NFL opener: “The Patriots have an alibi. At the time the headsets began acting up, they were busy letting the air out of the Pittsburgh team bus tires.”

Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, on soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo set to buy a $30,000 wax figure of himself for his house: “When it comes to narcissism, no one can hold a candle to Ronaldo.”

Bluto, meet Gronk

A Massachusetts junior high temporarily renamed itself “Tom Brady Middle School” in honor of the Pats QB avoiding suspension.

So what’s next, Faber College renaming itself the Rob Gronkowski Party School?

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