What if Apple made water?

Clean. Simple. Wet. That’s how a recent Reddit post displaying a fictional ad for Apple water describes how the maker of the iPhone, iPad and iPod might make and advertise good old H20.

“Apple Water is designed especially for the Apple connoisseur: beautifully packaged, easy to drink and perfectly overpriced.”

If this sounds a little more than ridiculous, that’s because it is. The ad is from the website Scoopertino.com, known for its fabricated news stories and Apple spoofs. The site created a wonderfully over-the-top ad for Apple water, with everything you’d expect from an Apple-designed product.

According to the Scoopertino post, the Apple water has reached molecular perfection with literally twice as many hydrogen atoms as there are oxygen atoms, but the packaging is the real kicker. The bottle’s top utilizes Apple’s QuarterTwist technology that ensures you never have to twist the cap more than 90 degrees for “instant waterfication.” The Apple Water “enclosure,” or bottle, is ribbed for a perfect grasp; And the “revolutionary” base remains upright with exactly 4.6 pounds of lateral pressure for a tip-resistant bottle.

There is also a temperature-sensitive logo that will shift from red to blue once the water reaches the late Steve Jobs’ favorite drinking temperature. And if you’re feeling like splurging, you can opt to buy a special ingestion vessel, otherwise known as a plain glass, for $29.99.

Groundbreaking. The only thing that could make this faux water better is if you could rub the bottle and summon Siri to appear out of thin air, open the bottle, bring it to your lips for a cool drink, then say “Ah” in her wonderfully robotic voice for you.

The supposed cost for a 16-ounce bottle? $9.99. Peanuts, when you consider a bottle of water from a water sommelier at Ray’s and Stark bar and restaurant goes for $20. Then again, if everyone’s got one...

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