Why would they be raising her in Arizona?

The Grocery Store Bagger, daughter and 7-Eleven Kid were loading the car Sunday because they’re all moving to Arizona.

The neighbors probably thought this is what happens when UCLA football and basketball teams lose the same weekend as the Clippers and Lakers, the Dodgers hiring a 67-year-old manager to play third base, and the Angels waiting to hear what happens to Mr. HGH.

Just think if unhappy Kings fans decided to move out of town because their team stinks. No one would notice.

But this was different. The son-in-law got a better job in Arizona, or as the Bagger put it, “If I’m ever gonna make it to Piggly Wiggly, I’ve got to make this move now.”

That meant the Bagger would be kidnapping the granddaughter, a crime if you asked the kid’s grandparents, although for some reason authorities in Orange County refused to press charges. Despite repeated phone calls.

No one talks to the Bagger anymore, including the daughter, which explains why they’ve been so unsuccessful in producing a second grandchild.

But there he was, packing the SUV and taking away our daughter and our grandkid. We don’t own any guns.

The daughter was crying. The other daughter was sobbing. The grandmother was tearing up.

The son-in-law was doing what he could to stay out of everyone’s way short of driving off by himself. And that had been suggested.

G.P., of course, remained in control -- the inside of his mouth sore from biting his gum to remain in control, still stinging today.

The granddaughter was all smiles. She was going to get the chance to be a fan of the Diamondbacks and Suns for the rest of her life, and couldn’t wait to back out of that driveway.

The SUV was packed full of things that we had bought them all in an effort to bribe them to stay. The Bagger, daughter and grandkid were also in the car, the grandmother and other daughter hanging onto the SUV like they could keep it from moving.

G.P. stood back a few feet, looking like John Wayne, very much in control and handsome, but wondering if there was still time to beat the ever-loving heck out of the son-in-law.

The Bagger turned the ignition key, and got a “click.” And another. And another. “Click, click, click.”

The battery was dead.

There was just no getting rid of them.

THE BAGGER had left the dome light on all night, not surprising, when you consider that when most people meet him the first thing they ask is, “Is the light bulb ever going to go off for that guy?”

Be honest -- deep down no one really likes their son-in-law or daughter-in-law, but a guy who hijacks a grandchild, probably planning to teach her how to play basketball or maybe take her to a Phoenix Coyotes game, is a step lower than most son-in-laws.

Who moves their own daughter closer to Matt Leinart? The last guy that allowed that is now a grandfather with no son-in-law. OK, so maybe he was on to something.

Sure, most people would tell you that you should only want the best for your grandchild -- like making sure she doesn’t grow up to be a fan of the Dodgers, or grow attached to Corey Maggette.

There was probably some slug son-in-law much like our very own slug son-in-law who moved his family out of L.A. back in 1989, a hero now because he kept his child from suffering through the next 18 years with the Dodgers.

But if it’s just about winning, they could move to Anaheim, or begin saving to send her to USC.

Now she’ll probably go to a state school like Arizona or Arizona State and sweat. She’ll probably meet some young man in Arizona who sweats. They’ll probably invite us to join them for a barbecue, and we’ll have to sit there and sweat.

Who decides willingly to move to an oven?

It’s just not right taking a grandchild away from its grandparents. Who is going to take her for dopos on Sunday morning?

Now it will be her father on Sunday morning taking her to an Arizona Cardinals football game, and tell me that isn’t child abuse.

She’s going to grow up thinking Steve Nash is the best player in basketball, and probably hating the way Kobe Bryant plays. She could have stayed here if she feels that way, and had her grandparents’ total support.

Most grandparents will tell you the best thing about grandchildren is knowing at the end of the day they’ll be going home with their parents. But not if they live in Arizona.

I know this, they might be stale, but the kid is still going to get her dopos.

BEFORE LAST night’s thriller in Staples to see if the Clippers would snap their five-game losing streak, or it would be Milwaukee snapping its four-game slide, Mike Dunleavy and I had a major disagreement.

The dreamer still seems to think the Clippers should keep on playing, although the season is already over. They began the night three games below .500, and it’s a good bet they will never make it to .500 again this season.

They’ve got plenty of excuses because of injuries, Dunleavy excited about the return of Elton Brand, Shaun Livingston and rookie Al Thornton.

But that just says the Clippers will be really good -- next year. As for this season, pack up the gear.

KARL DORRELL decided not to coach the Bruins in the Las Vegas Bowl, but instead of giving the assignment to the “Towel Waver,” who already has the best winning percentage in college football history and a win in the Las Vegas Bowl six years ago, Dan Guerrero went with the team’s defensive coordinator, who has never been a head coach before.

And this guy Guerrero is going to pick the next UCLA coach?

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Alex Martinez:

“I’m holding out hope they will change the website from ‘dumpdorrell.com’ to ‘dumpsimers.com.’”

Me too. I don’t like to see anyone out of work.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.