Ratifying a Super Bowl Constitution

If anyone is wondering why the Inauguration of the President of the United States was postponed from Sunday, Jan. 20, to Monday the 21st, all they have to do is go back to their history books and read about the creation of the Constitution of the United States.

Fifty-five of the Founding Fathers met in Philadelphia in the summer of 1787 to write the greatest document in the history of mankind. It wasn’t easy because every paragraph was fought over to protect the interests of the individual states.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks was when to swear in the President of the country. The suggested date for his Inauguration was Jan. 20, and there didn’t seem to be any argument about it until John Adams of Massachusetts stood up and said, “Suppose Jan. 20 falls on a Sunday, the same day as the Super Bowl is to be played? Do we still hold the President’s Inauguration on that day?”

The Founding Father from Rhode Island said, “I say verily the Inauguration of the President of the United States must have precedence over the Super Bowl.”

A Founding Father from Pennsylvania, who also owned a piece of the Philadelphia Eagles, jumped up and cried, “The American people will never stand for it. They didn’t fight a bloody revolution to see the Super Bowl be moved from Sunday to Monday. I say verily the Super Bowl be played on its traditional Sunday and the President have his Inauguration at a less auspicious time.”

Another Founding Father from Pennsylvania said, “Speaking for the Pittsburgh Steelers, I fully concur.”

The Founding Father from New Jersey, who never dreamed the New York Giants and the New York Jets would one day move to his state, took the floor. “How can the United States become the most powerful nation in the world, when it would put off the Inauguration of its leader to pander to the sports tastes of its countrymen?”

This enraged the representative from Georgia, who had received PAC money from the Atlanta Falcons. “Nobody in my state cares when they inaugurate a President, but everyone knows you only play a Super Bowl on Sunday. I cannot go back home and ask my people to ratify this Constitution if the day of the Super Bowl has to be postponed in the name of political expediency.”

The Founding Father from North Carolina hooted. “What difference does it make to you? The Atlanta Falcons will never get to the Super Bowl anyway.”

The house broke into booing and laughter.

George Washington, who was presiding and had no idea that someday an NFL team would be named after him, said, “I think we should table this matter for the moment until we can speak to football commissioner Pete Rozelle, to see if his feet are in cement on the Jan. 20 date.”

John Adams rose and said, “I can speak for Commissioner Rozelle, as I represented the New England Patriots at the last league meeting. He said he would be breaking faith with the millions of people in the 13 states if the game was not held on a Sunday two weeks after the playoffs.”

The Founding Father from Delaware roared, “The President comes first--first in peace, first in war and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

Alexander Hamilton, who had season tickets to all the New York Giants games, said, “The delegate can easily say that, since Delaware could never support a NFL franchise even if every person in the state came to every game.”

The Constitutional Convention was in shambles and about to disintegrate when James Madison offered his famous compromise. “Gentlemen, in deference to the states that do not have NFL franchises, I propose we do not put it in writing that the Super Bowl have precedence over the Inauguration of the President. But let us include in the minutes that it was the will of this body that if the 20th of January falls on a Sunday, we wanted the Super Bowl to be played first.”

The motion was adopted and the Constitution was saved. That is why this year President Ronald Reagan, a strict constitutionalist, will be sworn in privately on Sunday, but his Inauguration, according to the wishes of the Founding Fathers, will be held on Monday.