Kiner Has Last Laugh

A national magazine, citing the malaprops and mispronunciations of New York Mets announcer Ralph Kiner, called his postgame show “Kiner’s Korner” the funniest show since “The Honeymooners.”

Asked his reaction to the story by the New York Times, Kiner just laughed. Then he said: “I remember the best announcer of his day once saying, ‘Hi, Curt Gowdy, I’m everybody.’ ”

Then there’s Jerry Coleman. The San Diego announcer, acclaimed as the master of the malaprop, once said, “Hi, everybody, this is Jerry Gross. No it isn’t, it’s Jerry Coleman.”

From a UPI story following Saturday night’s fights in Las Vegas: “The WBC champion said he wasn’t interested in the WBA champion but would like to fight either the NABF champion or the USBA champion, but he’d really like to fight the IBF champion.”

In order, the champions are Pinklon Thomas (World Boxing Council), Tony Tubbs (World Boxing Assn.), Tim Witherspoon (North American Boxing Federation), Trevor Berbick (United States Boxing Assn.) and Larry Holmes (International Boxing Federation).

If the Indiana Pacers draft Wayman Tisdale after the New York Knicks take Patrick Ewing, should the Clippers choose 7-footer Benoit Benjamin of Creighton?

Dick Versace thinks so. He’s the coach at Bradley, which faced Benjamin in the Missouri Valley Conference.

“If I were starting a pro franchise, I’d want Ben to be my center,” said Versace.

Publicist Stan Wood, who keeps track of such things, says the stock of sneakers for the Gordon’s Gin celebrity tennis tournament at La Costa range from size 3 to size 20.

The small ones belong to Candy Costie-Burke, Olympic gold medalist in synchronized swimming. The big ones belong to former Milwaukee Bucks center Bob Lanier.

Note: Either Lanier’s feet are shrinking or the sizes come bigger in basketball. He’s already got a pair on display in the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame, and they are size 22.

Add Shoes: When the Chicago Bulls played the Boston Celtics in Hartford, Conn., this season, they stayed in the same hotel as Georgetown, which had a game with Connecticut.

Michael Jordan told the Chicago Tribune that he visited Patrick Ewing and gave him a pair of Air Jordan shoes he had worn that night.

How could Ewing fit in Jordan’s shoes?

“We’re both size 13,” Jordan said. “I have the normal-sized feet.”

From Pete Rose, saying he can’t understand the position of owners in negotiations with the players: “I’ve been in negotiations with owners when they’ve offered me horses, and oil wells and beer distributorships. And then they say they’re broke. And then they pay $1 million to a utility shortstop. And then they say they’re losing their shirts.

“What’s going on? Why do they only talk to us at the 11th hour? Where were they all winter?”

Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka, on 325-pound defensive tackle William (The Refrigerator) Perry: “I think we have to get him a nutritionist. The other day he ate a hot dog and a candy for lunch. You can’t eat like that and play football. We have to educate him and his wife and say, ‘This is how you eat.’ ”

Quotebook

Golfer Lee Trevino, on his education: “Sure, I went to college. I delivered Christmas trees to SMU.”