Stats Team Was Offsides on This Play

Bob O’Connor, take solace.

The usually organized Pierce athletic director was understandably embarrassed when programs weren’t printed in time for the Brahmas’ home opener two weeks ago. Confusion reigned in the press box as well as in the stands.

Well, the press box at San Francisco State during Saturday’s game with Cal Lutheran made Pierce’s look like a quiet corporate board room in comparison.

Fifteen female members of a statistics class were told to show up at the press box prior to the game with sharpened pencils. The girls, many of whom were attending their first college football game, were responsible for keeping the official NCAA statistics.

The class, by the way, is not designed to teach sports statistics. It is a math class covering probability theory, as in, the probability of the girls getting all the numbers correct was equal to that of lightning striking the press box at precisely the two-minute warning.

Because Sports Information Director Kevin Franklin was in his first week of work, longtime SID Abe Goldman temporarily came out of retirement to instruct the girls. Goldman pointed to one girl after another, saying, “You’ve got Cal Lutheran’s punt returns, you’ve got San Francisco’s first downs, you’ve got Cal Lutheran’s time of possession . . . “

You’ve got the idea.

Goldman concluded his instructions by saying, “And there will be no cheering for the home team.”

After each play, Goldman yelled to the girls seated behind him, “Cal Lutheran rushing lady, that’s five yards,” or “San Francisco passing lady, that’s a seven-yard completion.”

Amended instructions were necessary for incomplete passes, an errant punt snap and a fumbled punt.

By the second quarter, the process was moving along somewhat smoothly. Following a San Francisco touchdown, the Gators made a low, twisting kickoff.

“What’s that?” asked a girl.

“That’s a squib kick,” answered Goldman.

The inquiring co-ed leaned forward and peered down the row of stat keepers. “OK,” she said, “who’s got squib kicks.”

Moorpark’s game at Pierce Saturday night may not be for the squeamish. Relations between the two football teams have rapidly deteriorated.

Last year, Raider Coach Jim Bittner would not trade game films with Brahma Coach Jim Fenwick.

“It wasn’t to our advantage,” Bittner said at the time. Neither was the 59-54 final score.

Fenwick isn’t holding his breath this year. “We aren’t expecting any films,” he said.

Moorpark, ranked 12th in the state with a 2-0 record, has not beaten Pierce (1-2) in nine trys.

Night of the Living Dead: After the tired and sore Pierce players stumbled off buses following a 6 1/2-hour ride from Sacramento Sunday at 6:30 a.m., they staggered straight to the practice field for an hour-long workout.

“We wanted to get their blood circulating,” Fenwick said. Pierce was beaten, 39-27, by the Panthers, who are ranked No. 1 in the nation by J.C. Grid-Wire.

The Brahmas held a meeting after the game and decided they needed more practice. Fenwick said, “OK, how about when we get back?”

Moore Playing Time: Raider Coach Jim Bittner told The Times’ Dave Desmond: “Bruce Moore would definitely be starting if he was at Moorpark.”

Moore is a freshman at Pierce who played fullback at Thousand Oaks High. After verbally committing to Moorpark during the summer, he showed up at Pierce on the first day of practice in the passenger seat of Fenwick’s truck.

Fenwick switched him to tight end but Moore has since returned to the backfield where he was the backup to Tim Soronen until this week. Soronen has been moved to outside linebacker, giving Moore a chance to start against his near-teammates.

Meaningless Stat Department: In their 45-13 thrashing at the hands of Cal State Northridge, the St. Mary’s Gaels chalked up 33 minutes in the time-of-possession department to 27 minutes for the Matadors. The Gaels also had 20 first downs to CSUN’s 19. Both stats are considered by most coaches to be as useful as a snowmobile repair shop in Central Africa.

Meaningful Stat Department: Four Northridge ball carriers--Mike Kane, Eric Davis, David Porter and Kenny Garrett--had more rushing yards individually than the entire St. Mary’s team. All four had single runs that accounted for more rushing yards than the Gaels total of 10 yards.

Valley quarterback Andy Ramos went back to pass in Saturday’s game against Glendale, couldn’t find an open receiver, and was leveled by defender Mario Serrano.

The sack ended Ramos’ season.

He will have surgery Monday on his right knee, which incurred ligament and possible cartilage damage on the play.

“He’s in a lot of pain, but he’s a tough kid,” Valley Coach Chuck Ferrero said. “He’s keeping his head up. It’s a lot better than what they thought at first.”

Neosia Morris will take over at quarterback, according to Ferrero.