ONCE UPON A TIME . . . : Each National Football League season produces its share of odd stories, and in Chicago and New Jersey, truth once again is proving stranger than fiction : Kicker Proves That Fantasies Can Come True

Getting to Lakeland Regional High School from anywhere isn’t difficult as long as you remember to go past Pizza Town--and car wash--on Ringwood Avenue before making a right turn at the roadside stand that announces: “We Buy New Fur.”

You can’t miss it. It’s right across the street from the old cemetery. From there, just whistle a Springsteen song and wind your way through New Jersey suburbia past auto parts stores and the falling leaves of autumn.

Before long, Conklinton Road will lead you to the front porch of two-story Lakeland High, the unlikeliest of sites for this week’s NFL story.

“Geeeez,” one gum-chomping, Lakeland junior wondered out of the side of her mouth. “Youz guys newspaper reporters?”

It was a big day for the Lakeland Lancers. Last week, Eric Schubert was no big deal, just another substitute teacher trained in the deft art of absorbing the wet end of a spit wad.

He was on call for $36 a day, peanuts compared to the $1,000 he’ll pocket this season as a Lakeland assistant football coach.

But that was last week.

On Sunday, the Meadowlands became Schubert’s theater.

It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal.

Schubert, a 1980 Lakeland graduate and a substitute field goal kicker, too, was called on by the New York Giants Sunday to fill in for injured Ali Haji-Sheikh.

It was a one-day deal, just like substitute French.

Schubert, cut by the Giants in training camp, signed a contract in the Giants’ training room on Friday and figured to be out on his ear again on Monday.

Then he kicked five field goals without a miss in the Giants’ 22-20 win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sunday at Giants Stadium.

That made him a genuine star.

Now, New York wasn’t about to miss the chance to make a hero out of some stubby substitute teacher from Jersey.

And so, at least for a New York minute, Eric Schubert has become the biggest thing to hit this city since Kong lost his balance.

And talk about your media swarm jobs. Before Schubert was towel-dried Sunday he was being whisked from one interview to another.

It started with a CBS radio interview with Hank Stram on Sunday night and hasn’t let up since.

The phone started ringing Monday morning around 9.

Parents, reporters, relatives . . .

“And woodwork friends,” Schubert said, “You know, they come out once a month.”

Before lunch Monday, Sports Illustrated had named Schubert its offensive player of the week.

“No,” Schubert said in disbelief when informed of the news. “Holy God. This hasn’t been a bad week.”

Schubert seems to be handling the star gig pretty well.

His sense of humor has made him an off-Broadway hit with the media.

Friday, after he had signed with the Giants, Coach Bill Parcells asked Schubert if he were nervous.

“Yeah,” Schubert said, “we’ve got a big game with Monteville tomorrow.”

Schubert was talking about his high school’s game Saturday. Monteville won, 14-7.

After Sunday’s game, a television reporter asked Schubert why he didn’t act more excited.

“The last time you guys told me to act excited (in training camp) I got cut the next day,” Schubert said, laughing.

Schubert, sitting in the superintendent’s office at Lakeland High Monday, allowed two reporters a few minutes before being whisked into the city for another television spot, this one with local station WOR.

Success can be so intoxicating, but Schubert is keeping his head between his chin straps.

“My attitude is that I’m not going to get too high or too low,” Schubert said. “I’m sick of being on this roller coaster ride. I heard somewhere that about 60% of field goal kickers in the NFL are alcoholics because of the pressure. I’m just making sure I won’t be one of them.”

Yeah, kickers tend to get kicked around some.

Schubert, a walk-on at the University of Pittsburgh, played with the Pittsburgh Maulers of the USFL before they folded in 1984.

He was cut by the New Jersey Generals before the 1985 season. He was cut by the New England Patriots in training camp this season.

He got a job at a lumber company in Ramsey, N.J., and, by chance, sold some wood to Giant guard Brad Benson.

But Schubert wanted so badly to kick something besides a water cooler.

He was watching a Giant exhibition game against Green Bay on Aug. 17 when he saw the New York kicker, Haji-Sheikh, walk off the field with a hamstring injury.

Figuring that the Giants were hurting, Schubert drove 60 miles the next Monday to the Giants’ training camp in Pleasantville. They signed him.

On Aug. 24, his field goal in overtime beat the archrival Jets, and the Giants carried Schubert off the field on their shoulders.

Two days later, the Giants cut him.

When the season begin and it was apparent that Haji-Sheikh’s hamstring injury was still bothering him, the Giants put him on injured reserve and signed not Schubert but Jess Atkinson, who had also been in training camp.

But Atkinson had trouble reaching the end zone on kickoffs and missed two field goals attempts against New Orleans last week.

Parcells had seen enough and cut Atkinson the next day, which was last Monday.

Which brings us back to Schubert.

Parcells thought that Haji-Sheikh would be ready for Sunday’s game against Tampa Bay. When he wasn’t, Parcells called Schubert last Thursday night.

Schubert wasn’t home, having gone out to buy a lottery ticket.

But eventually he got the message and Sunday he left one for the Giants in the form of field goals of 24, 36, 24, 41 and 33 yards.

After the game, Schubert sat near his cubicle. He was wearing Haji-Sheikh’s sweatshirt. He was holding his one-game check of $3,700.

The Giants, who play the Rams Sunday at the Meadowlands, are, for now, holding their breath.

What’s a team to do?

Does Parcells dare cut Schubert again and face a public lynching?

Parcells would not comment on the subject Monday.

Haji-Sheikh, sitting near his locker Monday, said he was tired of sitting on his hamstring.

“I’m just getting ready to play,” he said. “I have a feeling what he’s going to do, but that’s between me and Bill.”

Meanwhile, back at Lakeland High, a school eats up the publicity. Superintendent Frederick Scherer was helping Schubert organize his busy day. Al Guazzo, Schubert’s coach at Lakeland, said Schubert had talked about kicking in the NFL way back in his senior year in 1979.

Out on the field, future Eric Schuberts limber up for practice.

Vinnie Marrotta, Lakeland’s quarterback and kicker, said Schubert has helped him get more distance on his kickoffs.

While explaining, Marrotta, a junior, dipped into his pocket and pulled out a can of smokeless tobacco, confidently placing a pinch between cheek and gum.

This was surely a proud day to be a Lakeland Lancer.

“We knew he could do it,” said Marrotta, a big Giant fan. “He’s got the strongest leg in the NFL.

But what if the Giants cut him again?

Marrotta spit.

“If he gets cut now, they’re a bunch of idiots.”