As Monsters Go, These Bears Are a Bit Lacking

It’s the Chicago Bears vs. the Dallas Cowboys today at Texas Stadium, and Frank Luksa of the Dallas Times Herald anticipates a war.

“These Bears appear descended from Dick Butkus, their ferocious former middle linebacker,” Luksa writes. “In turn, it reminds of a long-ago Cowboys visit to the Bears’ former home in Wrigley Field, when a rabbit dashed across the field.

“Someone asked Ralph Neely whether the interruption amused or distracted him. ‘Naw,’ said the Cowboy lineman, ‘I knew Butkus would stomp it to death before it got away.’ ”

Add Bears: With Jim McMahon out with injuries, Steve Fuller will start at quarterback, with Mike Tomczak in reserve.

What happens if Fuller and Tomczak get hurt?

“It’s a tossup right now,” Coach Mike Ditka said. “Either Walter Payton or William Perry. I haven’t made up my mind. Perry moves a little better to his left than Walter.”

Funny thing is, he might be serious. How do you sack a Refrigerator?

Add Perry: Mickey Spagnola of the Dallas Times Herald writes: “Tom Harper, the Clemson University defensive coordinator, last year claimed Perry was the team’s best passer, best punter, best placekicker, best halfback and as good a receiver as anyone.

“ ‘Chicago is going to see the most unusual athlete they’ve ever seen,’ Harper has said.”

Trivia Time: Who are the only two players who have scored touchdowns in both the Rose Bowl and the Super Bowl. (Answer below.)

Lester Hayes of the Raiders, on the three-back attack of the San Diego Chargers: “It’s a scheme of deceptive angles. It causes a lot of mental malfunctions.”

Michael Knisley of the Denver Post writes: “Lester Hayes never met a hyperbole he didn’t like.”

Cincinnati receiver Cris Collinsworth, on the fringe benefits of playing in the NFL: “I’ve dated girls who were far better looking than the quality of girls who should be going out with me.”

Wisconsin Coach Dave McClain, whose Badgers upset Ohio State Saturday, was on the same Ohio State staff as Buckeye Coach Earle Bruce in the late 1960s under Woody Hayes.

Also on the staff were Minnesota Coach Lou Holtz and Indiana Coach Bill Mallory.

“Lou and I shared offices,” McClain told Charley Hallman of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “We played a lot of tennis and had fun together. He’s a heck of a guy and has a great wife. We lived so close to each other that I even lent Lou my lawnmower. The trouble is, he never gave it back.”

Said Atlanta Coach Dan Henning, shrugging off the pressure as the Falcons (1-9) prepared for today’s game against the Rams: “Every coach in the league is in the last year of his contract. Some just don’t know it.”

Trivia Answer: Lynn Swann (USC, 1973; Pittsburgh, 1976-79-80) and Rob Lytle (Michigan, 1977; Denver, 1978).

Note: Lytle’s touchdowns, which came in successive years, both were one-yard runs and both were his team’s only touchdowns as Michigan lost to USC, 14-6, and Denver lost to Dallas, 27-10.

Quotebook

Laker publicist Josh Rosenfeld, asked how Magic Johnson contracted shingles: “Probably in a shingles bar.”