Big Moments of ‘85, Some Memorable, More Forgettable

As the year draws to a close, let us pause to honor the great performers and the great moments of Sport 1985 . . .

Coach of the Year: John O’Hara, Southwest Texas State.

Seeking to motivate his 1-5 team, O’Hara whipped out a pistol one day at practice, turned and fired it at his players. It was a starter’s pistol, loaded with blanks, but still it got a rise from the players.

“I really probably should have maybe alerted the guys to it,” O’Hara said, “but it might not have had the same effect.”

Hood Ornament of the Year: A Westwood man was ordered in small-claims court to pay Laker center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar $571.67, after the man accidentally crashed his 10-speed bike into Kareem’s Mercedes.

Nicknames of the Year: Gene Mauch referred to Red Sox pitcher Oil Can Boyd as Dipstick. Pro golfer Alice Miller calls her putter Frances and her wedge Louise. George Steinbrenner called Dave Winfield Mr. May--in September.

Insect of the Year: Tie. During a game at Philadelphia’s Veterans Stadium, baseball players were attacked by swarms of gnats. A soccer game in South America was called off due to swarming bees. Alfred Hitchcock lives.

Bird of the Year: Cliff Johnson, then playing for the Texas Rangers, was at bat. He looked to third base coach Wayne Terwilliger, who gave Johnson the “take” sign. Johnson stepped out of the batter’s box and gave Terwilliger a sign of his own.

Souvenir Hunter of the Year: During San Francisco’s city-wide celebration of the 49ers’ Super Bowl victory, a man stepped outside a downtown bar and started breaking up the sidewalk with a sledgehammer.

Sports Surgery of the Year: Dr. William Clancy performed a successful operation on the left foot of Wisconsin football player Robb Johnston. Unfortunately, it was Johnston’s right foot that was injured.

Moral: When you’re lying on that operating table, waiting for the anesthetic to take effect, never cross your legs.

Traveler of the Year: Darryl Dawkins of the New Jersey Nets said that when he retires he’s going to buy himself a chocolate yacht with a thunderbolt on the side, and a see-through car so he can “show off the bad chick I’ll have sittin’ next to me.”

Unfortunately, Dawkins’ yacht plans were shot down by the U.S. Coast Guard on the grounds that a hot day might turn the craft into a large chocolate slick, resulting in dental peril to fish.

However, Dawkins did receive a tentative OK on his alternative plan, to go surfing on a giant eclair.

Biter of the Year: In an Australian rugby game, a player bit off his opponent’s ear lobe, spit it out and fled the stadium.

Spitter of the Year: St. Louis Cardinal pitcher Neil Allen lost to the Dodgers in the 10th inning when he committed a balk while spitting.

Party Animal of the Year: Angel shortstop Rick Burleson injured his right shoulder lifting weights on New Year’s Eve.

Technological Breakthrough of the Year (runner-up): Rod Dixon wore a camera mounted on a helmet when he ran in the New York Marathon.

Technological Breakthrough of the Year: The All-Star baseball game was telecast in stereo. Network director Harry Coyle boasted that this would allow the home viewing audience to “be able to hear the wave as it goes around the stadium.”

Goose bump city.

Polygraph Buster of the Year: On Feb. 5, Darryl Rogers, still under contract as Arizona State coach, publicly denied he was the coach of the Detroit Lions.

As of last Tuesday, Rogers was sticking to his story.

One-Upmanshipper of the Year: NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle banned umbrellas at the Super Bowl. Several months later, when the baseball season got under way, baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth banned rain.

Pre-Game Meal of the Year: Betty Gibson, the dietitian for the Florida State football team, fed the boys alligator meat before their game against the Florida Gators.

Florida State lost, 38-14, prompting a famous fast-food chain to scrap its plans to market a new specialty burger--McGater ‘n Tamater.

Snacker of the Year: Quintin Dailey of the Chicago Bulls, pining away on the bench during a game, borrowed some money from a sportswriter and proceeded to dine on nachos, pizza, popcorn and soda.

Insiders say Dailey’s coach kept his cool until Quintin used the coach’s necktie as a napkin.

Shakeup of the Year: The L.A. Express fired its cheerleaders, pep band, film man, coach, general manager, and lost its owner, quarterback, fans and most of its games, but maintained its reputation as one of the USFL’s flagship teams.