Of Course, Just What His Virtues Really Are Is Still Anyone’s Guess

Lou Holtz, who has had six jobs in 15 years, admits he’s impatient.

“I am like the vulture on a limb who says, ‘Patience, my tail. I’m going to kill somebody.’ ” Holtz told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “I think I’m much more patient than I’ve ever been, thanks to my wife and to God, but patience is still not one of my virtues.

“My motto is basically, ‘Ready, fire, aim.’ My wife’s is, ‘Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, etc.’ ”

Add Holtz: Now that he’s at Notre Dame, he said he’s going to cool it on the one-liners and the story telling, but he couldn’t resist telling the one about the blind man crossing the street.

It seems the seeing-eye dog took the man across the street against the signal, causing drivers to swerve and jam on their brakes. Miraculously, the blind man reached the other side, and when he got there, he gave the dog a biscuit.

“How could you do that?” a bystander asked. “That dog almost got you killed.”

“Oh, I just wanted to see where his head is,” said the blind man, “so I can kick his butt.”

Trivia Time: In the 1975 Rose Bowl, USC pulled out an 18-17 win over Ohio State on a 38-yard touchdown pass from Pat Haden to J.K. McKay and a two-point conversion pass by Haden. Who caught the two-point conversion pass? (Answer below.)

From New England tackle Brian Holloway, recalling the 35-20 loss to the Raiders in September: “That’s a big advantage for us. Losses don’t sit well with the Patriots. It’s going to be a street fight, but we welcome that because we can play that kind of football.”

Add Patriots: Says defensive line coach Ed Khayat: “It is wrong to call our unit a defensive team. We are an attacking team. We believe that football is a game of controlled violence. Defenders build bunkers and try not to lose any ground. Attackers try to destroy everything in their way. That’s the way we are playing this year.”

If New York Giant fans thought it was cold in the Meadowlands Sunday, Richard Dent of the Chicago Bears has news for them.

“Wait till they come to Chicago in January,” he said. “We’ll show them what cold weather is all about. Vaseline freezes up.”

Add Giants: Anyone notice that three ex-Raiders played key roles Sunday? Kenny Hill and Ted Watts made some clutch plays in the defensive backfield and tight end Don Hasselbeck caught a touchdown pass.

Wait a Minute: Said Penn State Coach Joe Paterno, reflecting on the regular season: “Obviously, you’ve got to be surprised when you go 11-0.”

Other coaches, maybe, but not Paterno. This is the fifth time he’s enjoyed a perfect regular season at Penn State. Curiously, the only national championship he won came after a 10-1 regular season in 1982.

Add Penn State: Said quarterback John Shaffer, shrugging off the odds that favor Oklahoma by 7 1/2 in the Orange Bowl: “I don’t think when the ball’s kicked off that there’ll be seven points on their side of the scoreboard. I’m thinking it’ll just be our job to light that thing up.”

Trivia Answer: Shelton Diggs.

Quotebook

Jack Chevalier of the Wilmington News Journal, speculating on Philadelphia’s choice in the 1986 NFL draft: “The Eagles may draft Napoleon McCallum. They always take a Nap on draft day.”