Game Plan for the Football Fan : Pat Haden’s Tips for Watching the Super Bowl

What’s to watching a football game? It’s simple. It’s your team’s thugs against the other team’s, and may the guys with the best barbells win. It’s pretty much like in life. The nice guys finish last. You don’t need a Rhodes scholar to tell you that.

Well, let’s let one, anyway. Let’s let Pat Haden--who took his ball and went to study at Oxford in between passes and sacks for two Southern California schools and two Southern California professional teams--shed light on what it is that makes so many of us so game for this game.

This is, after all, Silent Sunday--the first Sunday since Sept. 8 that there are no National Football League games. It is a day set aside by the Madison Avenue minds that took a game out of a cornfield in Green Bay, Wis., and gave it glitter and glitz to prepare ourselves, much as one would prepare for a trip to Lourdes.

Super Bowl XX!

After 448 games and innumerable crucial third-down plays, post patterns and crackback blocks, we’re down to two teams. Next Sunday, it’s the cream of the NFL crop. Best of the best, baddest of the bad.

Pat Haden has been there. Well, almost there. The year that his L.A. Rams went to Super Bowl XIV (1980), he was injured, and Vince Ferragamo was the quarterback.

He has impeccable credentials to advise us on watching football: He was an All-American at Bishop Amat in La Puente; was the starting quarterback at USC for two Rose Bowl seasons (and one Rose Bowl victory, over Ohio State); was the starting quarterback for the California Sun of the World Football League and the league’s top passer during its abbreviated existence, and was the Rams’ starting quarterback most of the six years he played, retiring in the spring of ’82. He now ranks fifth on the Rams’ all-time passing list, behind Roman Gabriel, Norm Van Brocklin, Bob Waterfield and Ferragamo.

Haden has been both a student of the game and a student, period. He’s a member of Phi Beta Kappa. His Rhodes scholarship took him to Oxford in 1975 and ’76. When he retired, he’d completed his law credits at Loyola Marymount and took a job with the L.A. law firm of Lillick, McHose & Charles. And before the tears were dry at his retirement press conference, he’d accepted a job as a game analyst for CBS college football telecasts.

Through it all, Haden has retained a sense of humor and a perspective not always found in the sweat-sock and shoulder-pad set. He’s watched the game from every conceivable angle--underneath its pileups, along its sidelines, in its bleachers and broadcast booths and on the living-room side of the TV cameras. As he sees it, the art of game-watching falls into two simple categories: how to prepare to watch a football game, and how to watch it. And he has tips for watching in person and on TV. HOW TO PREPARE TO WATCH A FOOTBALLGAME

Buy binoculars. And use them. (This applies only to in-person attendance, unless you keep your TV set in the ballroom at Buckingham Palace.)

“You can’t watch the big one-on-one battles between tackles from the 50th row without them. On third and eight, when Mark Gastineau goes after the quarterback with blood in his eyes, you can focus in on him. You choose what you want to see. The players are still pretty young, but most of our eyes aren’t.” Record the game on your VCR.

“It just could turn out to be a great one, and this will give you future enjoyment.” Watch the pregame shows, and study the newspapers in the days before the game.

“Pregame shows do a nice job of setting the scene. They tell you about the key match-ups. You find out things like, maybe, Tony Dorsett isn’t as good a runner on a grass field as he is on artificial turf because he’s used to the turf. The pregame shows and the papers spend some time on the line play. Once the game starts, most of the players you see and hear about are the quarterbacks, running backs and receivers.” Plan your day. Control the size of your watching party.

“If you are a real hard-core fan, suggest that your wife take the kids and visit her mother (or vice versa if the wife is the fan). I have kind of an unwritten deal with my wife for regular-season Monday night games. The first half, I watch with the family around. But for the second half, I’m on my own and left alone.

“If you’re an avid fan, plan to watch the game with another avid fan. A big part of the fun is sharing the game with somebody else who cares as much about it as you do.

“If you want it to be a social day but want to see the game, limit your party to six to eight people. Otherwise, you’ll see very little of the game.” Some food for thought about food.

“If you’re watching at home, make the sandwiches ahead of time. If you are going to the game, pack your lunch. The more you have to leave your seat for the refreshment stand, the more it takes you away from the game. In the old days, they used to have hot dogs. Now they have the same thing, but they call it a Super Dog and charge $3.” Moderate your drinking.

“One of the dumbest things I’ve seen is people who pay hundreds of dollars for a day at the game drink so much they don’t see any of it.” Pick a team. Have a rooting interest.

“If there isn’t a natural tie-in for you to root, if your home team isn’t playing, go for the team with the best uniforms, or the cleanest-cut guys. Or the opposite.

“Gambling a dollar on the winner, or the points scored, or the quarter score is pretty harmless and will keep your interest level much higher.” Acquire some knowledge of basics and strategy so you know what’s going on. If necessary, find a friend who really knows the game and ask questions. Maybe find a VCR and a tape of a recent game and ask the questions while watching that.

“In the huddle, for example, the quarterback calls three things: formation, ball carrier or pass pattern, and snap number. He will say, ‘Red right, 25 power, on 2.’ That means the formation is strong right with the tight end on the right side, the ball will go to the No. 2 back through the No. 5 hole, the blocking will be straight-ahead power, rather than trap blocking or cross blocking, and the ball will be snapped on 2. Now, that’s pretty technical. All you really need is to kind of know how the play is communicated to the rest of the team.

“Normally, the quarterback is the only person allowed to talk in the huddle. Once in a while, a lineman will suggest something that might work. (Rams’ guard) Dennis Harrah kept bugging me in one game to run a play. It was a play we had used in other games, but it wasn’t in our game plan. Finally, just to get him off my back, I called the play. It went 40 yards for a touchdown.

“But that can work the other way, too. You’ll get a lot of receivers telling you how they can get open on this play or that play. Matter of fact, I’ve never met a receiver who has ever been covered on any play.” If you are attending in person, go early and watch the warm-ups.

“You can see which team seems to have that little extra spring in its step, who’s catching the ball well, punting it long. Sometimes, players will be testing the turf for soft or slippery spots. That could be important later.

“Watch which guys fraternize with guys from the other team. Lots know each other, from college or playing in golf outings together. A lot of times, the better the friends, the harder they will play against each other.

“Oh, and watch the introductions. This may be the only time you see what they look like. The rest of the time, they have their helmets on. When they run out onto the field, they are giving it their best shot to get a light-beer commercial.” HOW TO WATCH IT

Watch the quarterback more than the others. He starts each play, so watch him when’s he’s playing. And he’s the team leader, so watch him even when he’s not playing.

“Do more than merely watch what he does. Watch his actions. Is he composed? Poised? If you have binoculars, look at his eyes. When a play doesn’t work, is he blaming somebody or just calling another play?” The sidelines can reveal a lot about a team’s mood, temperament, ability to handle a crisis. Observe how calm or chaotic the sideline operation is. It’s like a business. The smoothest operation will be the most successful.

“Again, this is easier if you’re at the game, but you still see some things from TV sideline shots.

“Check the coach’s demeanor. If he’s losing it, it might tell you his team is about to. I did the telecast of a recent Clemson game. Near the end, their coach, Danny Ford, ran out on the field to protest a call. He was jumping up and down and screaming and hollering. After the game started up again, a kid from the other team ran out of bounds at the Clemson bench, and he was literally mugged by Clemson players. It was a bad scene and Ford caused it.

“Notice during timeouts if a player is standing away from the rest. Maybe he’s sulking or extra-tired.

“And the kicker. When the ball is down there on his opponent’s 30-yard line, third down and nine, see how he reacts when his team gets the first down. Is he happy? Relieved? Angry because he didn’t get a chance to kick?” Lower your expectations. It’ll help lower your blood pressure.

“If your team gets the ball inside its 20-yard line, research shows that it has only a 15% chance to score. If it gets the ball between its own 20 and 40, its chances go up, but only to 40%.” Put yourself in the quarterback’s shoes.

“It wasn’t until I stopped playing that I understood why people booed quarterbacks. From the stands, the open receivers really look open. But when you are down there, there’s always some 280-pound guy in your face, blocking your view, trying to break your arm.” Think with the quarterback.

“Call the play before he comes out. Watch as things get set up. If he throws a long pass to Ron Brown, understand that even though the pass may not have been complete, it may have had a purpose. A little later, expect him to come back with a short sideline pattern to Brown, catching the defensive back guarding deep against the long pass.” Don’t wait until the snap to watch. Pick up the situation a second or so earlier.

“Normally, television will give you a close-in shot of the quarterback and the immediate area around him. Then, the shot widens out. Look at the receivers. If the cornerbacks are right up on them, that tells you to expect some sort of double coverage of the wide receivers. It also tells you to expect the pass to go to a back or the tight end, because by double covering the outside people, they’re using up most of their defensive backfield manpower, leaving linebackers to cover backs and tight ends.” The action of the weakside offensive tackle is the easiest place to see immediately whether the play is to be a pass or run.

“That is the tackle on the opposite side from the tight end--usually on the left side. He has a big burden, since he has no help on blocking to his outside. So often, to get a jump against the rusher, he will get in his stance with his weight back, tipping off the pass. Linemen drive immediately forward on most running plays and pull immediately back on passes, so watching him will tell you quickly whether the play is a pass or run.” The quarterback’s signal-calling at the line tips off many things, including how much rush he’s getting from the defense and how much the other team is trying to get an edge by guessing his plays and his snap number.

“I had a favorite trick on third down and four or five yards to go. On first and second down, I’d usually order the ball snapped on the count of one or two. But when I had a third and four or five situation, I’d go on a later count, maybe four or five. And I’d vary the cadence.

“Lots of times, I never had to run a play. The defense was so anxious, they’d just jump offside and we’d get a first down by penalty. Third down is when defensive linemen really get itchy. They are trying to fatten their contracts with quarterback sacks, so they are really itchy.

“If I had ever played against the Rams, I could have pulled Jack Youngblood offside 30 times.” Watch and listen carefully when a quarterback changes a play with an audible call at the line of scrimmage.

“First of all, it’s not too hard to tell when a quarterback is calling an audible. He usually steps back away from the center. Or he cups his hands and calls the play to both sides of the line so he can be heard.

“Audibles go by the snap number. If a play has been called in the huddle to go on the count of two, that’s the magic number. If the quarterback says, ‘Three, eighty-six,’ at the line, it means nothing. The other players ignore it. If he says, ‘Two, eighty-six,’ repeating the snap count, they’re alerted that he’s changing the play.

“Another thing. Most quarterbacks go from running plays to pass plays, not the other way around, when they call an audible. And most pass plays have higher numbers than running plays. So when you hear play numbers in the 70s or 80s, and it looks as if he’s taking the time to change the play and make sure it’s heard, you know you’ve got a pass play coming up.” Time your bathroom and beer runs, or your dashes to the refrigerator.

“If the team with the ball gets six yards on third and eight, take off. All you’ll miss is a punt, the dullest play in football. If you are lucky, you’ll get back in time to see Dan Marino, hands down under center, ready to go.” Leave your portable TV at home.

“Being at the game gives you the freedom to watch all sorts of subtle little things, like the quarterback’s eyes and the sidelines. If you bring a TV, you’ll miss all that. You might as well stay home.” Participating in the wave, where the crowd rises, section by section, all around the park, does nothing to stir up the home team.

“We ought to drown the wave. I hate the thing. When a football team is in the middle of a game, it’s as oblivious to what’s going on around it as a bunch of sixth-graders in a sandlot game.” Watching the cheerleaders will tell you nothing about the game.

“Nice decoration, but they don’t have a clue.”