Layden Was Happy to Go Back to School

Utah Jazz Coach Frank Layden, the Henny Youngman of the NBA, received an honorary degree from Westminster College in Salt Lake City.

Addressing the students, he said, “Your president, Dr. Dick, told me they considered giving an honorary degree to Rodney Dangerfield, but Dangerfield was going to charge a fee.

“ ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I told him. ‘You’ll still get his material.’ ”

Said Michigan Coach Bo Schembechler at the Detroit Sportscasters kickoff luncheon: “We play all the Big Ten teams except Northwestern.”

Said Michigan State Coach George Perles: “We play all the Big Ten teams except Ohio State.”

Guess which one said it with a smile?

Trivia Time: What three pitchers have pitched no-hitters for the Los Angeles Dodgers? (Answer below.).

From Tom Verducci of Newsday: “Yankee clubhouse manager Nick Priore placed Joe DiMaggio’s uniform in Don Mattingly’s locker before the game Friday night. Mattingly hit a home run. The next day, Old-timers Day, the uniform was still there. DiMaggio dressed in Mattingly’s locker. Mattingly went 3 for 4.

“On Sunday, the uniform was gone. It was being shipped to Texas for an Old-timers Day there on Saturday. Mattingly went 0 for 3. ‘I want it back,’ he said. He tried the next best thing. He hung a picture of DiMaggio in his locker Tuesday, and promptly homered into the upper deck in his first at-bat.”

Free-agent rookie Joe Dudek of the Denver Broncos, who set NCAA Division III scoring records at Plymouth State, explains why he’s having trouble with blocking and pass catching: “We ran the I formation in college. It was me right and me left.”

Add Broncos: Mark Jackson, 5-9 rookie receiver from Purdue, says of the bump-and-run: “When somebody comes up to bump, I like my chances. I have a lot to learn, though, and I heard Lester Hayes will push your face in the dirt on the sideline.”

Bet on it.

Former middleweight champion Jake LaMotta, on how he likes hyping fights for promoter Bob Arum: “Aw, what the hell--it beats drivin’ a truck.”

For What It’s Worth: Here’s what baseball authority Bill James had to say about Ron Romanick of the Angels in his “1986 Baseball Abstract”: “Don’t care much for him as a pitcher. He’s a control type pitcher without great control, sort of a groundball pitcher but not really, a right-hander with a so-so move to first. I give him almost no chance of winning over a period of years.”

Reggie Jackson, on facing Nolan Ryan: “Every hitter likes a fastball, just like everybody likes ice cream. But you don’t like it stuffed into you by the gallon.”

Would-you-believe-it dept.: Reported the Chicago Tribune: “A local television type went out to meet Bulls’ first-round pick Brad Sellers at the airport, and afterward Sellers asked him: ‘Hey, can you give me a lift downtown?’ Turns out the Bulls didn’t send anyone out to meet him.”

Trivia Answer: Sandy Koufax, Bill Singer, Jerry Reuss.

Quotebook

Fuzzy Zoeller, asked if he thought the conditions were too tough at Turnberry for the British Open: “Somebody won it, didn’t he?”