After Getting a Good Look, Astros Become Fernando Fans

Give the Astros credit.

After being befuddled by the great Fernando on Monday night at Dodger Stadium, not a single Astro blamed the smog, earthquakes, sunlight or any other natural L.A. phenomenon.

A lot of teams come to Chavez Ravine and the hitters tell you it’s tough to hit in the daylight. As if sunlight was something God fiddled around with on his way to inventing a decent light source, which he then stuck on poles at ballparks.

No, the Astros blamed Fernando Valenzuela, who struck out 11 and beat ‘em 7-3.

More impressive, eight of the strikeout victims were caught looking.

You ask: How can a division-leading team come into the biggest series of the season, against their most hated rival, and look at eight called third strikes ?

Do these guys want cigarettes to go with their blindfolds or what?

“I don’t know,” Astro shortstop Dickie Thon said when asked to explain the strange epidemic of frozen bats. Thon himself looked at two called third strikes. “It shouldn’t happen. I’m going to be swinging next time.”

In his sleep, probably.

The win was Fernando’s 15th. In the major leagues, only Roger Clemens has won more games. Fernando is second in the National League in strikeouts, so it’s not surprising that he fanned 11 Astros. But the way he did it . . .

“He was in the black (the borders of the plate) all night,” said Houston third baseman Phil Garner, who struck out twice, once looking, “Right on the (bleeping) bottom of the knees. He was just on the money. That’s par for him. The son of a (bleep) pitches like that every time against us.”

Garner was asked: If Fernando is hitting the corners, shouldn’t the Astros be hacking away at those strike-two pitches?

“If it was that (bleeping) easy,” Garner snapped, “I’d’ve (bleeping) done it.”

That’s not only an acceptable explanation, it’s also a good title for a country and western song.

This is a funny game, baseball. You watch a team take batting practice and they often go 45 minutes without whiffing at a single pitch. Then they get in against a guy with only a decent fastball and two other pitches and they turn into pretzels or statues.

Fernando struck out Garner (looking) in the fourth with one out and a runner on third. He struck out Davey Lopes (swinging) in the fourth with one out and runners on second and third. Fernando just fooled a lot of Astro guys.

“He gets hitters looking for the screwball, and he’ll throw the fastball and freeze ‘em,” said Houston’s Nolan Ryan, the all-time strikeout king.

Said Astro center fielder Billy Hatcher, who did not strike out in the game: “He has the fastball, and that screwball that he throws at two different speeds. It’s tough. Once he starts to hit the outside corner, he busts you inside.”

As for the eight Lookie Lous on the Astros, Hatcher said: “If you strike out, I think you should strike out swinging.”

Astro Manager Hal Lanier was more charitable.

“It’s easy to sit there in the stands, or up where you are (press box) and say, ‘I wonder why they aren’t swinging the bat.’ ”

Hal is right. I tried it. It is easy.

“But that’s a tribute to a great pitcher,” Lanier went on. “You try to be as aggressive as you can, but he’s one of the great ones. He’s a very gifted man and an outstanding pitcher.”

And a mystery. And a marvel.

This is Fernando’s sixth full season in the big leagues. He now speaks fluent English, but his pitches are Greek.

He has started 176 games and has never missed a turn. This is a Lou Gehrig-type streak, fans. This man’s left arm is not human. He probably unscrews it and carries it around in a black case, like an expensive pool cue.

L.A. Fats.

He beats you with his glove, too. Nolan Ryan says Fernando is a “phenomenal athlete” and probably the best-fielding pitcher in the game.

In the first inning against the Astros, Fernando fielded a beautiful Hatcher sacrifice bunt down the first-base line, picking up the ball with his bare hand and zinging a backward, no-look, 30-foot fling to first to nip Hatcher by half a step. It’s the kind of move you practice only if you play point guard for the Harlem Globetrotters.

“Did you see that?” Fernando said with a big grin when asked about the cute little flip. If you wake this guy up at 4 in the morning and roll him a baseball, he throws it to the correct base.

As for those eight scenic Fernando strikeouts, in the sunlight and then in the twilight, even Fernando couldn’t explain it.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Last time they swing at a lot of bad pitches, screwballs in the dirt. I’d come back with a good pitch, they’d take it. I don’t know.”

Charlie Kerfeld, the mountainous Astro pitcher, explained the Fernando Fenomenon about as well as anybody has.

You Little Leaguers out there might want to grab a pencil and jot this down for future reference. You big leaguers, too.

“He’s got three good pitches,” Kerfeld said. “He puts ‘em inside, outside, up and down.”

Fernando working those corners is a pretty thing to watch. Ask the Astros.