Finally, the Bucks Stop Here

THE COLLEGES

Once again, the cries are issuing forth from Northwestern and others that Ohio State (0-2) should drop out of the Big Ten for its own good. The Buckeyes, the argument goes, just don’t field Big Ten-caliber teams, as they proved in their 7-40 pasting by Washington.

So the school may indeed be forced to transfer to the Mid-American Conference--unless it decides to drop its lofty entrance requirements. Its schedule doesn’t get any easier. The battered Buckeyes, now No. 1 in the Bottom Ten, must next play Messrs. Slam, Bam and Wham themselves: Colorado, Utah and Illinois. It’s enough to ruin a coach’s appetite, almost.

Meanwhile, on a grim note, Bottom Ten selectors admitted that they mistakenly voted UCLA No. 1 last week based on Oklahoma linebacker Brian Bosworth’s statements that the Bruins (0-1) were a “legitimate doormat” and played “girls football.”

Bosworth explained later that he was only kidding, but it was too late. The rankings had already been published. The selectors wish to apologize to the No. 2 Bruins and any potential high school recruits (male or female) who might have been misled.

The Rankled:

Team, Problem Last Loss Next Loss 1. Ohio State (0-2) 7-40, Washington Colorado 2. UCLA (0-1) Idle San Diego St 3. Texas (0-1) 20-31, Stanford Missouri 4. Syracuse (0-2) 28-33, Pentagon Virginia Tech 5. Colorado (0-2) 30-32, Oregon Ohio State 6. Clemson (0-1) 14-20, Va. Tech Georgia 7. Michigan St (0-1) 17-20, Ariz. St. Notre Dame 8. Houston (0-1) Idle Oklahoma State 9. Florida (1-1)* Idle Alabama 10. NotreDame (0-1) 23-24, Michigan Michigan St.

11. Pitt (0-1-1); 12. Oklahoma State (1-1); 13. Georgia Tech (0-0-1); 14. Kentucky (0-0-1); 15. BYU (2-0); 16. (Tie) Northern Illinois (0-3), Western Michigan (0-2), Southern Mississippi (1-1) and East Carolina (0-2); 20. Cal State Queen Mary (0-1)

*Inadvertent asterisk; should be disregarded.

Where-Are-They-Now Dept.: Texas at El Straight-as-an-Arrow Paso (2-1), San Jose State (1-1); Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, L.A. Raider special teams) (4-2).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Missouri (1-0) over Texas (0-1).

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: Colorado (0-2) at Ohio State (0-2).

THE PROS

It was the most shocking statistic of the young season. Washington was penalized more yards (60 to 55) than the Raiders in the Redskins’ 10-6 win Sunday. The Evil Empire (0-2) just isn’t mean enough anymore. Imagine: Two weeks into the season and only one accusation that a Raider (Lester Hayes) has tried to gouge an opponent’s eye out. Hence, their descent into the Bottom Ten.

Of course, Pennsylvania (0-4) also remains winless. But say this for Philadelphia (0-2) Coach Buddy Ryan. A defensive genius, he’s proved adept at handcuffing the Eagles’ offense (24 points scored in two games).

At least, Miami of Florida regained a shred of dignity. The Dolphin defenders, nicknamed Miami Mice! after surrendering 50 points to San Diego in the opener, held Indianapolis to 10 points. Of course, that’s more three times as much as the No. 4 Dolts scored in their opener.

The Rankled:

Team, Problem Last Loss Next Loss 1. Feeble Empire (0-2) 6-10, Washington N.J. Giants 2. (Tie) Pitt (0-2) 10-21, Denver Minnehaha 3. Philadelphia (0-2) 10-13, Chicago Denver 4. Indianapolis (0-2) 10-30, Miami L.A. Rams 5. St. Louis (0-2) 13-33, Atlanta Buffalo

6. (Tie) Bays (Green, 0-2; Tampa, 0-2); San Francisco, 1-1); 9. Buffalo (0-2); 10. Thursday Night Edition of Monday Night Football.

CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: St. Louis (0-2) at Buffalo (0-2).

QUOTEBOOK: Businessman James Foster, who hopes to open an indoor football league featuring a 50-yard field and 8-man teams next year, told Hal Lancaster of the Wall Street Journal: “It’s a lot easier coming up with (backers for) a new taco stand.”