That’s Why Ryan Won’t Shake on It

When Philadelphia Eagles Coach Buddy Ryan declined to shake hands with Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka last Sunday, it had nothing to do with their pregame war of words.

Ryan said he doesn’t shake hands with anyone. He said it’s a lesson he learned when he was an assistant to Weeb Ewbank on the New York Jets.

“After the game’s over, I get the hell off the field,” he said. “If you start playing in New York, you better get off the field. They’ll come down with a damn knife and stab you.”

Add Ditka: Asked the other day why quarterback Jim McMahon was missing from practice, he said: “I don’t know. All the geniuses have left our staff.”

They say football is a game of mistakes, and East Carolina Coach Art Baker believes it.

Said Baker after the 45-0 loss to Auburn: “We made the first mistake when we got off the bus.”

Trivia Time: The Los Angeles Coliseum is the fifth home field for the Raiders since their formation in 1960. Name the other four. (Answer below.)

The Punch Line: During the 1969 season, when he was managing the Minnesota Twins, Billy Martin put the slug on the Twins’ traveling secretary during an argument on a team flight. The traveling secretary was Howard Fox.

Last week, Martin offered to return to the Twins as manager, but the president of the club rejected the offer without hesitation.

The president of the Twins is Howard Fox.

Said New Orleans reporter John Jones, when asked what former Saint Coach Bum Phillips is doing these days: “Last I heard, he was fishing and spitting.”

Maybe you’ll understand this item better if reminded that Rey Quinones, before being traded from the Boston Red Sox to the Seattle Mariners, was a roommate of Dennis (Oil Can) Boyd.

Wrote Bob Finnigan of the Seattle Times: “Shortstop Rey Quinones changed from No. 2 to No. 51. He told equipment man Henry Genzale that he wanted 51 “because they add up to 6,” the scorer’s number for the shortstop position. When Genzale told Quinones he could have No. 6, the player said no.”

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Ethan Horton, the first running back taken in the NFL draft a year ago, was cut in training camp by the Kansas City Chiefs. The former North Carolina star tried out last week with the Pittsburgh Steelers, who were desperate for running back help.

The Steelers chose instead to sign Chuck Sanders, a free agent from Slippery Rock.

Buffalo Bills’ Coach Hank Bullough, who led the NFL in malaprops last season, is at it again.

Explaining a player’s prowess, Bullough said, “He has a lot of inept ability.”

From Bill Conlin of The Sporting News, suggesting that Keith Moreland of the Chicago Cubs seek employment in the American League as a designated hitter: “At 30, Moreland has run out of positions to misplay.”

Trivia Answer: Kezar Stadium (1960), Candlestick Park (1961), Frank Youell Field (1962-65), Oakland Coliseum (1966-81). Note: In 1973, the Raiders played one game at Memorial Stadium in Berkeley because of a conflict with the Oakland A’s baseball team.

Quotebook

Dallas Cowboys running back Robert Lavette, on playing behind Tony Dorsett and Herschel Walker: “I want to play more, but we’ve got two guys who are making more money than the gross national product of some countries.”