A ‘Jewish Support System’ : Havurot Offer People a Sense of Belonging

Like Bonnie Schupak in Irvine, Sharon Haber of Fountain Valley plans to break the Yom Kippur fast with her havurah .

But for Haber, a young mother, the havurah serves a special purpose. A convert to Judaism, Haber joined a havurah composed primarily of families in interfaith marriages, which made her conversion to Judaism “a richer, fuller experience,” she said. “It’s just like a big family and friends . . . . It made me feel real comfortable, like I had roots.”

The group has been breaking the fast after Yom Kippur services at Congregation B’nai Tzedek in Fountain Valley for four years.

“We do learn from each other,” Haber said, especially when members of the group who were born Jewish recount childhood experiences, which adds to the collective memory of the converts.

Surprisingly, Haber said, the subject of mixed marriages “doesn’t really come up that often” in the havurah, whose activities include everything from visiting Jewish museums to going to Las Vegas. Many monthly gatherings center on celebrating Jewish holidays with children in the group.

Membership Required

The major prerequisite for joining a synagogue havurah is membership in the sponsoring congregation. Further, an increasing number of synagogues in Southern California make use of the havurah program to attract new members. About half the congregations in Orange County have some form of havurah program. Some rabbis say that, next to driving distance and quality of the Hebrew school, the havurah program is the major factor for newcomers deciding which synagogue to join.

In Orange County, havurot are overwhelmingly social in focus, members say, but many, like Haber’s, are also active in festival observances and synagogue activities.

“The havurah takes the largeness of the synagogue and breaks it down to a comfortable number,” said Joyce Frulinger, program director at Temple Beth Emet in Anaheim, which has one of the oldest and most extensive havurah programs in the county. There are nearly 20 groups, some of which have been in existence for more than 10 years.

“We’re all so displaced in California,” she said. “Here the nuclear family is a far different thing.”

A successful havurah, Frulinger said, can assume a large role in the lives of its members. “There is a feeling of belonging when you walk in the door. . . . Many people make the decision to stay with a synagogue in order to stay with the havurah, “ she said.

Haber, who has a new baby, said she and her husband are looking for a new home. They decided that they want to stay in the immediate area, however, in order to remain near B’nai Tzedek, where she is a board member, and near “the group of friends” her havurah has become.

Special-Interest Fellowships

There are special-interest havurot, such as Haber’s mixed-marriage group, that may concentrate on Jewish study or charity, be composed of Yiddish speakers, Holocaust survivors and their children or of those concerned with nuclear war.

Shir Ha-Ma’alot Harbor Reform synagogue in Newport Beach experimented briefly with havurot based on geography, with Huntington Beach, Irvine and Fountain Valley groups.

Occasionally, however, the very success of a havurah can cause problems because, Frulinger says, it may merely “legitimize a clique.”

Indeed, sitting with havurah members at synagogue service and at social functions “is messing us up with our other friends,” said Sybil Flom, a member of Temple Beth Emet of Orange County. “In order not to alienate our friends who aren’t havurah members,” she said, the group has decided to stop sitting together.

But Marian Silverberg, also of Beth Emet, disagrees. She is a strong supporter of havurah members’ sitting together in synagogue. “It’s not an elitist thing by any means,” she said.

There is a smaller number of independent havurot in the county. These are made up of members of different synagogues or of no synagogue. Chabad of Orange County, an Orthodox Hasidic organization, sponsors a number of independent havurot.

‘Jewish Support System’

Rabbi David Eliezrie, of Chabad of Anaheim, who leads several groups, said that the people he comes in contact with are “searching, reaching out,” and that although the havurot are “maybe not providing answers,” they are beneficial.

“Our involvement in the havurah was a necessity for a strong Jewish identity,” said Celia Sifrey, a member of an independent countywide group. “I need a Jewish support system.”

They also have a wider influence.

Rabbi Menahem Herman of B’ai Israel, in Tustin, considers his congregation a “post- havurah” synagogue, although the synagogue still maintains a strong havurah program. His synagogue’s style of worship and governance, as well as its priorities, Herman said, have all been strongly influenced by independent praying havurot around the country.

Many havurot, even successful ones, don’t necessarily meet forever, Rabbi Allen Krause, of Temple Beth El, in Laguna Niguel, said. When they no longer serve the needs of their members he said, they stop functioning. “I don’t think it’s a failure when a havurah disbands after it’s been in existence for a long while,” he said.