He Keeps Tripping on His Lips

Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer says one of the big questions in New York is whether Met announcer Ralph Kiner can keep up the awesome malaprop pace he has set for himself.

The latest Kinerism: “The Mets have gotten their leadoff batter on base only once in this inning.”

Another: Explaining that the Mets would be playing a twilight game in Los Angeles, he said, “The game will start at 5 p.m. Pacific Coast League Daylight time.”

Ouch: From Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post, describing Ivan Lendl: “ . . . a robot, a solitary, mechanical man who lives with his dogs behind towering walls at his estate in Connecticut . . . a man who wants so badly to have a more human image that he’s having surgery to remove the bolts from his neck.”

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: On the day Don Baylor broke Ron Hunt’s record for most times hit by pitches, Hunt was playing in an old-timers’ game in Montreal.

He got hit by a pitch.

Trivia Time: In the 1947 World Series between the New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers, Brooklyn’s Al Gionfriddo robbed Joe DiMaggio of a home run, and Brooklyn’s Cookie Lavagetto doubled to break up a no-hitter by New York’s Bill Bevens. What did Gionfriddo, Lavagetto and Bevens have in common? (Answer below.)

From Thomas Boswell of the Washington Post, blaming the defense for much of Baltimore’s problems: “Catcher Terry Kennedy calls a good game but couldn’t throw out your great aunt. Ray Knight’s range at third is limited. You might as well drop a glove at second base; it would stop as many balls as Alan Wiggins and old Rick Burleson. Eddie Murray only cares when he has a bat in his hand; he’d love to be traded but his contract makes him undealable. Cal Ripken Jr., who cheats on every pitch, is only a top shortstop when he has quality control pitchers in front of him, getting batters to hit into the defense. As for the outfield, Larry Sheets is a statue. Fred Lynn will give you 100 games a year and take a hike the rest. You can throw a hat over Ken Gerhart, Jim Dwyer and Lee Lacy, but Gerhart is the best of a limited lot.”

Brothers Gaylord and Jim Perry faced each other only once as opposing pitchers in the major leagues. In 1973, Jim and the Detroit Tigers beat Gaylord and the Cleveland Indians, 5-4.

Last week, Gaylord fared better in an old-timers’ game in Washington. He pitched two shutout innings for the National League, while Jim failed to get anybody out for the American League, giving up seven runs.

Add Gaylord: Here are some accolades he received as a player:

--Bob Bolin, a teammate of Perry’s in San Francisco: “Gaylord Perry has been approached by every investment firm in San Francisco. After all, he’s a man who took a 39-cent jar of Vaseline and made himself a $100,000 pitcher.”

--Gene Mauch, Angel manager: “He should be in the Hall of Fame, with a tube of K-Y jelly attached to the plaque.”

--George Bamberger, Milwaukee manager: “Everybody thinks all the places he touches are decoys. I don’t think any are decoys. I think he’s got that stuff everywhere.”

Trivia Answer: After the World Series, none of the three ever played in the major leagues again.

Quotebook

Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka: “This is my sixth year with the Bears. Jim McMahon has been with the Bears six years, too, and people say we don’t communicate. That’s not true. We’ve talked four times.”