And Now for Something Completely Different

Everybody should have a hobby. Men and women should have something to occupy their time once they get through with work, whether it be stamp-collecting, or tropical fish, or nude skiing, or, my own personal favorite, a really fine library of Partridge Family record albums.

Bo Jackson needs a hobby, too.

After a tough nine months at the office, hitting fastballs and chasing flyballs for the Kansas City Royals, Jackson has to get away from it all. He must, you know, wind down. Take a break from the everyday grind. Get his mind off playing baseball for a while.

So, he is thinking about playing football.

When the baseball season is over, Jackson might spend the winter taking handoffs and breaking tackles for the National Football League’s Raiders, if they will have him. He is a Heisman Trophy-winning running back from Auburn University whose arms and legs are made out of marble and whose caboose belongs on a train.

Jackson has been trying to find just the right hobby. He tried fishing, but that just didn’t cut it. He tried hunting, but no luck. Something was missing.

Then, he thought about football. Bo promised, as recently as a couple of months ago, that his football life was behind him. That he would never play in the NFL for a living.

Ah, but he never mentioned anything about taking up a hobby.

As he said the other day, “I have to do my job with the Kansas City Royals. Whatever comes after that is a hobby for Bo Jackson, just like fishing and hunting. I may just pick up another hobby to go along with those.”

Well, sure. Absolutely. What could be more relaxing than to spend a peaceful weekend, stiff-arming a cornerback in the face? Ah, yes. To get blind-sided in the spinal column by a 260-pound linebacker, to get kicked in the helmet at the bottom of a pile, what could be a better hobby than that? It’s a pleasant way to kill an afternoon, all right.

What a bore to be barbecuing ribs on a Sunday when you could be out there having Lawrence Taylor break them.

Skeptics will say there is a fine line between having a hobby and moonlighting. If Jackson plays for the Raiders, you certainly would have to classify it as a second job. Unless, of course, he intends to play football for free. After all, he insists it’s a hobby. Nobody pays him to fish.

I say: If Bo Jackson wants to play football during the off-season, let him. If he gets hurt, the Royals shouldn’t have to pay him a cent. Same thing goes for Steve Balboni, if he decides to take up professional wrestling, or Willie Wilson, if he should become a professional kick-boxer.

And, if this thing works out, Al Davis must consider letting all of the Raiders take weekday jobs. With one guy in the Navy and another one in major league baseball, how can Davis deny, say, Lester Hayes the right to work during the week as a U.S. Senator, or scold Howie Long if he should miss the first half of a Monday night game because he had to stay late at his day job, dancing at Chippendale’s?

Throughout history, baseball players have had outside interests.

Milt Wilcox, the pitcher, owned a couple of harness-racing horses, and also used to raise chinchillas. Mike Vail, an outfielder, if I remember right, occupied himself in his spare time breeding Persian cats.

Mike Lum, when he wasn’t pinch-hitting, worked parties and clubs as a magician. I also once went to a Chicago nightclub called Zanies where the featured comedian was third baseman Lenny Randle. “People asked me how I became a stand-up comic,” Randle said. “It was when I got traded to the Cubs.”

Thad Bosley, another good hitter, once spent part of the off-season recording a gospel album called “Pick Up the Pieces.” I think this was just after leaving the Cubs.

Gary Carter collected baseball trading cards--still does, I think. Al Oliver had an extensive, expensive collection of men’s cologne. Don’t ask me why. He probably went up to Carter when they were in Montreal and offered him two Paco Rabannes for a Brut.

Kirk McCaskill, the Angel pitcher, was a hockey player who originally signed with the Winnipeg Jets. What if this Bo Jackson thing works out? What if McCaskill comes up to Gene Autry and says that from November to February, he will be busy getting slashed, tripped and roughed by the Philadelphia Flyers?

Of course, McCaskill also once appeared in an episode of the daytime TV series “Days of Our Lives.” If he chooses to now, McCaskill probably could put on a dress and get a part-time job on a soap opera, like Dustin Hoffman. If Bo Jackson can play football, no reason he can’t become Tootsie McCaskill.

Interesting concept Jackson will be establishing in the weeks to come. The return of the two-sport athlete.

Not only will Renaldo Nehemiah or Willie Gault be able to catch passes and run 100-meter dashes whenever they please, but Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets to play wide receiver for the Rams, Leon Spinks gets to drive in the Indy 500, and Refrigerator Perry gets to be goalie for the Black Hawks.

Is this a great country, or what?