NEW SERIES: ONCE MORE, INTO THE BREACH

The rumors are true. A new fall season is starting.

First looks can be deceiving. You are reading the words of a hip shooter who initially blasted ABC’s “Moonlighting” and NBC’s “St. Elsewhere” and fell in love with premieres of other series that turned out to be absolute clunkers.

Nevertheless, I press on.

At least three of 22 new series--NBC’s “A Year in the Life” and ABC’s “thirtysomething” and “The Slap Maxwell Show”--have the potential to be outstanding and three others rate superior. Not bad at all, and that does not include four of the 22 that were unavailable for previewing at press time. Maybe all of them will be terrific. And maybe it will snow today.

The season’s big question concerns people meters, not programs. Will the new ratings system employed by the networks supply more information about TV audiences or just confusion?

New trends? Nothing major. Continuing trends? Four more private eye series arrive. You’d think from watching TV that half the world wanted to be cops, the rest private eyes: John Paul, Pope by day, private eye by night.

In the something-good-has-to-lose category, “A Year in the Life” faces the sweet new tandem of “Hooperman” and “The Slap Maxwell Story” on Wednesday nights.Awwwwww.

It’s encouraging, though, that “Frank’s Place” on CBS and “Hooperman” and “The Slap Maxwell Story” join scheduled NBC mid-season returnee “The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd” as being comedy-type series without laugh tracks. That puts an awesome burden on viewers to decide for themselves what is funny.

Firsts? In “Tour of Duty,” CBS is airing American TV’s first prime-time series about the Vietnam War. And that stranger, the TV variety show, tries to make a comeback on ABC, with Dolly Parton as star.

Meanwhile, who says TV isn’t innovative? “Jake and the Fatman” gives prime time its first lawyer who wins cases merely because of his enormous poundage. After serious thought, moreover, I’m now convinced that pappy-quoting cowboys “J. J. Starbuck” and “Buck James” are the same person.

Here they are, the new series rated on a TV-set scale of 1 to 4.

MONDAY

“Everything’s Relative,” comedy, 8:30 p.m., CBS. Premiere: Sept. 28. One brother (John Bolger) is a hard hat, the other (Jason Alexander) a hard head. They live together while facing the scrutiny of their pushy mother (Anne Jackson). Nice cast, rare laughs, noodle show. TWO TVs.

TUESDAY

“thirtysomething,” drama, 10 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 29. The rigors of being upwardly mobile chic--and new parents to boot--are depicted in a captivating hour marked by excellent directing, writing and acting by an eclectic ensemble cast. Sophisticated, invigorating, highly promising TV. FOUR TVs.

“Jake and the Fatman,” drama, 9 p.m., CBS. Special premiere: Sept. 26. Joe Penny is super-cool investigator Jake Styles and William Conrad fills the screen as his boss, prosecutor J. L. McCabe, in a series whose only message seems to be McCabe’s obesity. Fat man, thin show. TWO TVs.

“J.J. Starbuck,” drama, 9 p.m., NBC. Special premiere: Sept. 26. Dale Robertson is back as a Texan (surprise), a billionaire who travels America in a 1964 convertible with longhorns mounted on the hood, solving crimes gratis and quoting his ol’ daddy: “It’s the bumps in life that make life interesting.” But not J.J., unfortunately. TWO TVs.

“The Law and Harry McGraw,” drama, 10 p.m., CBS. Special premiere: Sept. 27. In an otherwise ordinary hour, Jerry Orbach (Harry) and Barbara Babcock (the law) are an interesting pair as a grubby private eye and a patrician lawyer allied against crime. Orbach has fun with Harry. “Whiskers, I got,” he groans while shaving, “clients, I don’t.” TWO AND A HALF TVs.

WEDNESDAY

“The Oldest Rookie,” drama, 8 p.m., CBS. Premiere: Wednesday. Paul Sorvino is a deputy police chief in public relations who fulfills his ambition to become a regular cop. But his naivete irritates his hip young partner (D. W. Moffett). How will these big palookas ever work together? The oldest rookie is trapped in TV’s mustiest premise. ONE AND A HALF TVs.

“A Year in the Life,” drama, 9 p.m., NBC. Premiere: Wednesday. One of last season’s best miniseries spawns one of this season’s best series. The Gardner family of Seattle returns to face new challenges, these flawed, believable characters somehow finding ways to cope. Richard Kiley leads a fine cast in a series where the routine becomes irresistible viewing. FOUR TVs

“Hooperman,” comedy, 9 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 23. Gifted John Ritter is still susceptible to banana peels, but ranges far beyond slapstick as the quasi-comic, mildly bumbling but somehow-effective cop hero of a series from the creators of “L.A. Law.” It’s nice, sweet, tender, intelligent and, as a bonus, occasionally very funny. THREE TVS.

“The Slap Maxwell Story,” comedy, 9:30 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 23. Jay Tarses, co-creator of “Buffalo Bill” and father of NBC’s “The Days and Nights of Mollie Dodd,” delivers yet another textured, wonderfully one-of-a kind half hour. Dabney Coleman is exceptional as an old style, give-’em-hell sportswriter who’s more human than his Buffalo Bill, but dark around the edges. FOUR TVs.

THURSDAY

“Tour of Duty,” drama, 8 p.m., CBS. Premiere: Sept. 24. Vietnam versus Bill Cosby et al.? It remains to be seen if CBS has the spine and others the skill to transform a national heartache into a weekly series that doesn’t sanitize or trivialize fighting and dying for an ambiguous cause. The start is promising. THREE TVs.

“A Different World,” comedy, 8:30 p.m., NBC. Premiere: Sept. 24. Denise Huxtable (Lisa Bonet) graduates to her own half hour from “The Cosby Show,” trying to make her way as a college sophomore. Her first extended stay away from the Huxtable brood, but home is only one time slot away. Unpreviewed.

“Wiseguy,” drama, 9 p.m., CBS. Special premiere: Wednesday. Vinnie Terranova (Ken Wahl) is an undercover federal agent who is so undercover that even he may not know he’s really a good guy. His assignment: GET THE MOB. His method: It’s a howl. Sample dialogue: “Let’s go, Boxcar. Louie’s waitin’ fer us.” ONE AND A HALF TVs.

FRIDAY

“Beauty and the Beast,” drama, 8 p.m., CBS. Premiere: Sept. 25. Can pretty Catherine Chandler (Linda Hamilton) and Vincent the man/lion (Ron Perlman) find happiness together even though she says tomato and he says tomahto? Not to mention that she lives conventionally and he lives underground? Nice performances and sensitive writing about beauty of the heart help on the opener. But what do they do the next week? TWO AND A HALF TVS.

“Full House,” comedy, 8 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 23. What happens when a widower (Bob Saget) recruits his street tough brother-in-law (John Stamos) and obnoxious comic friend (David Coulier) to move in and help raise his three daughters? Nothing funny, for certain. ONE AND A HALF TVs.

“I Married Dora,” comedy, 8:30 p.m., ABC. Special premiere: Sept. 22. Widower Peter Fielding (Daniel Hugh Kelly) is in trouble. His Central American housekeeper Dora (Elizabeth Pena) is about to be deported, leaving no one to raise his two kids. So what does he do? Move in with the guys in “Full House?” No, he marries Dora and becomes his own sitcom. Unpreviewed.

“Private Eye,” drama, 10 p.m., NBC. Premiered: Saturday. Former cop Jack Cleary (Michael Woods) and greasy rock and roller Johnny Betts (Josh Brolin) are an unlikely, but interesting private eye pair in 1956. The premiere had lots of violence, atmosphere and texture, making it an ideal partner for lead-in “Miami Vice.” THREE TVs.

SATURDAY

“Once a Hero,” comedy-drama, 8 p.m., ABC. Special premiere: Saturday. Jeff Lester and Robert Forster play cartoon heroes who abandon their fictional world for reality, and Milo O’Shea plays their creator. Unpreviewed.

“Frank’s Place,” comedy, 8 p.m., CBS. Special premiere: Tonight. Tim Reid is likable as New England college professor Frank Parrish who inherits a Creole restaurant in New Orleans. The supporting cast has energy. And the setting is colorful. Everything about this new series feels right, except . . . Why isn’t it funnier? TWO AND A HALF TVs.

“Leg Work,” drama, 9 p.m., CBS. Premiere: Oct. 3. Anything with Margaret Colin in it couldn’t be all bad, but “Leg Work” comes reasonably close. In this epic, she’s a private eye (Isn’t everyone?) whose sleuthing barely pays the bills. Dreamy, sexy and charming, Colin remains an actress in search of a project worthy of her presence. “Leg Work” isn’t it. TWO TVS.

SUNDAY

“My Two Dads,” comedy, 8:30 p.m. NBC. Premiere: Sunday. Two guys. One (Greg Evigan) is a real goof, the other (Paul Reiser) a real square. They’re awarded joint custody of a 12-year-old girl whose deceased mother they both broke up with 13 years ago. These guys hate each other. But now they gotta live together. They gotta because it says so in the numbing script. TWO TVs.

“The Dolly Show,” variety, 9 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 27. A new, Twiggyish (with an obvious exception) Dolly Parton is preparing for her first network variety series amid rumors of chaos on the set. Unpreviewed.

“Buck James,” drama, 10 p.m., ABC. Premiere: Sept. 27. Get ready for Chester with a scalpel. Dennis Weaver undusts his old “Gunsmoke” twang as a southwestern trauma surgeon who spews homespunisms (“Hunches will make you a bundle or break you flat”) while performing medical miracles to the accompaniment of thumping music. Weaver lifts the corny premise above the ordinary. As for long-term potential, though, the hunch is that the old Buckeroo stops here. TWO AND A HALF TVs.