Oh, Boy! This Should Cure a Sweet Tooth

If you don’t like tall tales, move on to the next item. This one’s from “Baseball . . . A Laughing Matter,” published by the Sporting News:

“At the International Conference of Confection, better known as the ICC, the United States and Japan were selected to head the conference which had convened to name an international candy bar.

“The U.S. wanted to name the candy bar after its all-time home run king, Henry Aaron. Japan wanted to name it after the great Japanese slugger, Sadaharu Oh.

“Because these players were the two greatest home run hitters in baseball history, it was no easy decision. A compromise was needed to appease both these powerful countries.

“The first suggestion, a Sadaharu Aaron bar was voted down. But after much deliberation, a settlement produced the internationally acclaimed Oh Henry bar.”

Mel Hall, who had gone homerless all season at Cleveland Stadium, promised he’d do something special for the fans when he hit his first.

When he did hit one, it turned out to be an inside-the-park homer, and he said, “I didn’t have time to do my cabbage-patch dance.”

Said Cleveland Manager Doc Edwards: “It’s a good thing, or I would have turned him into coleslaw.”

Trivia Time: From Steve Lyman of El Cajon: “When Tom Lasorda signed a new contract, it said the Dodgers were “the only baseball organization for which he has worked,” but what team was he pitching for when he was credited with his only major league decisions?” (Answer below.)

Now-it-can-be-told dept.: From Bob Beamon, recalling his 29-2 1/2 long jump in the 1968 Olympics: “It was tough to comprehend. I didn’t know much about meters. When they put 8.90 meters up on the result marker, I thought they were talking about the shotput or discus. The other surprising thing was the measuring device only went up to 28-1. They had to bring a manual tape for the actual distance. Thank God for that measuring tape.”

Houston Oilers Coach Jerry Glanville, who feuded last season with Pittsburgh Steelers Coach Chuck Noll, told the Dallas Morning News: “On my radio show the other day, a guy called up and said they would raise $15,000 if I just flat-out punched Noll. I said, ‘You better raise it another $5,000 because the fine is $20,000.’ ”

When Terry Williams, a rookie defensive back from Bethune-Cookman, showed up at the New York Jets camp, he said, “I want Al Toon.”

He got him Monday in a scrimmage.

Williams: “I got a good jam on him, but he almost ripped my jersey off. He went outside and got by me.”

Said the Associated Press: “There are no Toons on Bethune-Cookman’s schedule.”

Said the Houston Astros’ Glenn Davis after hitting a homer off a 42 m.p.h. blooper pitch by the Montreal Expos’ Pascual Perez: “He didn’t know I used to play slow-pitch softball.”

Trivia Answer: The Kansas City A’s. Lasorda was 0-4 in 1956.

Quotebook

Cincinnati Manager Pete Rose, asked by Reds announcer Marty Brennaman if he believed Elvis Presley was still alive: “He’s the player to be named later in the Buddy Bell trade.”