A Pitch to End All Pitches

Chicago Cubs coach Joe Altobelli, recalling his days as an automobile salesman in Rochester, N.Y., told of the time a deaf man came to the dealership to buy a car.

Altobelli: “He wrote down a figure on a piece of paper, and I took it to my boss, who said, ‘Tell him to add $50 and he’ll be driving a brand new Pontiac.’

“So I went back to the man and wrote on a piece of paper, ‘Add $50 and you’ll be in a brand new Pontiac.’

“The man took the paper and pencil and wrote, ‘No, No, No,’ and underlined the three no’s.

“I took the paper back and wrote, ‘OK, but quit shouting.’ ”

Altobelli made the sale.

When a running back has a big year, it’s traditional for him to take his offensive line to dinner and maybe hand out gifts.

That’s fine with Buddy Ryan, but the Philadelphia Eagle coach says: “Backs are what make the running game. Walter Payton used to run behind the worst lines in football. Running backs make the running game, not the offensive line.”

Trivia Time: When Ray Leonard meets Donny Lalonde, he will be the second Sugar Ray to try to win the light-heavweight title after winning welterweight and middleweight titles. What happened when the original Sugar Ray tried it? (Answer below.)

The following is from the Seattle Times: “The Miami Heat were in danger of losing their National Basketball Assn. franchise because the number of toilets in their new arena fell 49 short of the league requirement.”

The item was headed “Pottygate.”

Another item: “A study of the Dallas Maverick concession stands revealed that Maverick fans consumed 150 gallons of nacho cheese with 137 pounds of jalapeno peppers.”

The item was headed “Deep In the Heartburn of Texas.”

Charlie Waters, former Dallas Cowboys defensive back, on the dream of every rookie: “First, you want to make the team. Then you want to be all-pro. Then you want to be in the Hall of Fame. But before that, you want to do a Lite beer commercial.”

Trivia Answer: On June 25, 1952, in 103-degree heat at Yankee Stadium, Sugar Ray Robinson lost to light-heavyweight champion Joey Maxim when he succumbed to heat exhaustion and failed to answer the bell for the 14th round. At the time, he was leading on one card, 10-3, and on another, 9-3-1. Earlier in the fight, referee Ruby Goldstein had collapsed from the heat and had to be replaced.

Denver Broncos Coach Dan Reeves, on the deal that sent tackle Jim Lachey from the San Diego Chargers to the Raiders:

“You don’t get many football players like Lachey. I think he’s one of those players who can dominate any game at that position. On film, I never saw anybody who really gave him a lot of trouble. I don’t think it was a very good deal for the Chargers.”

Quotebook

Art Aragon, one-time Golden Boy of boxing, asked his record: “It was 27-0. That’s 27 arrests and no convictions.”