Long’s Fans May End Up Shortchanged

The talk of the town is Howie Long going, going, gone, just so the Raiders can finally get a quarterback.

Raider fans hunger for somebody new, because they do not believe their favorite team can get to the Super Bowl with the quarterbacks present at present.

Howie Long lovers, however, hope the Raiders can find some other way to get one. Many of them would be willing to part with anybody else to get that quarterback--anybody but one guy currently in camp, Long, and one guy tardy for camp, Bo Jackson.

Which brings us around again to the whopper-of-the-century Wayne Gretzky deal, and the musical question: How much is too much? How much is too much to give for someone you truly desire?

So far, in the last year, outstanding athletes have been using Southern California like a revolving door.

Eric Dickerson goes out.

Chili Davis comes in.

Bob Welch goes out.

Kirk Gibson comes in.

Pedro Guerrero goes out.

John Tudor comes in.

Jimmy Carson goes out.

Wayne Gretzky comes in.

Michael Cage goes out.

Danny Manning comes in.

Kurt Rambis goes out.

Orlando Woolridge comes in.

Sean Jones goes out.

Willie Gault comes in.

Change is good, but this is getting ridiculous. What next? Magic Johnson for Michael Jordan, straight up? Marcus Allen for Jim McMahon? Luc Robitaille to Edmonton for everything else Peter Pocklington owns, including his next-born?

Any day now, trust me on this, UCLA is going to trade Troy Aikman to USC for Rodney Peete and the rights to that other guy, that freshman.

We’re busy makin’ deals here in Los Angeles, City of Game Shows, so don’t go away, studio audience, because we’ll be right back after this commercial message.

Everybody’s moving on. Even the sportscasters in this town keep switching channels. Nobody can sit still anymore. The rumor of my impending trade to The New York Times for a couple of caption writers is, for the first time, beginning to concern me.

USC changes its football coach. UCLA changes its basketball coach. Don Sutton comes and goes. Bill Buckner comes and goes. It won’t be long before you can qualify for a pension by holding on to your job for, oh, 18 months.

The whole world seems restless. Even the people who stayed in one place for a long time are finally moseying along. Bill Sharman retired from basketball. Gene Mauch retired from baseball. Jerry Buss gave away the hockey store.

Nothing’s the same as it was. Even Riverside Raceway called it a day. The Coliseum is running out of tenants. The Forum is going to be obsolete before long, because the Lakers--and now, even the Kings--could fill 5,000 more seats than capacity, night after night.

Change is upon us. The country is about to get a new leader. The Soviets are suddenly our best buds. Almost everybody’s represented in the Olympics. Cuba is going to host the next Pan American Games. The United States is going to host the soccer World Cup in 1994.

Radical.

The least we can do is keep our minds open to progress. Another guy who writes for my newspaper insists that a little night baseball won’t hurt the poor babies who play in Wrigley Field. Fine. A little AstroTurf won’t hurt Dodger Stadium, then. Orange uniforms won’t hurt the Lakers, then. Change is good.

The Raiders need a new look, too. Since hockey’s Kings have gone from purple and gold uniforms to silver and black, it stands to reason that the Raiders should go to purple and gold. Or, at the very least, be original. Pink and puce. White on white. Blue velvet.

Can the Raiders afford not to make any more changes before the season opener? Are they satisfied with what they now have? Is the quarterback combination of Steve Beuerlein and Vince Evans expected to be enough to outscore the squads of John Elway and Bernie Kosar?

Things probably could be worse. San Diego’s starting quarterback is Babe Laufenberg, for heaven’s sake. The Indianapolis Colts believe they can get to the Super Bowl this season, and their quarterbacks are ? and the Mysterians.

The Chicago Bears, who play the Raiders Friday night, have as many as three quarterbacks better than anybody the Raiders or Chargers or Colts have, though that hardly guarantees their success. Still, if Mike Ditka cares to corner Al Davis at halftime to discuss a bargain for Mike Tomczak or Jim Harbaugh, please, Mr. Davis, give the man your undivided attention.

The Raiders would not have to throw in the kitchen sink to complete such a deal, and the Bears might even throw in The Refrigerator, assuming somebody was strong enough to throw him.

We have had a lot of change in these parts lately, but we are strong enough to accept a little more. Time is running out on the Raiders. They do not want to be winless when Bo Jackson turns up.

Come on, Al. We’re tough. We can take one more blockbuster deal.

Howie, we’d hate to lose you, but we might have to lose you.