COLLEGE FOOTBALL: THE BOWL GAMES : Country Road Leads Them to Big Time

Cousin Clem was up in the West Virginia mountains with Cousin Clyde, mixing up another batch of moonshine.

“Best be gettin’ back to town,” said Clem.

“Whut fer?” asked Clyde.

“Almost time fer that thar futball game to commence,” said Clem.

“Whut futball game?” asked Clyde.

“That thar Sunkist Fiester Bowl,” said Clem.

“Whut in tarnation is a Sunkist Fiester Bowl?” asked Clyde.

“Them Mountaineer boys up to the college done got themselves into a champeenship futball game,” said Clem.

“Well, I’ll be,” said Clyde.

“They’s gonna be on the television,” said Clem.

“Well, I’ll be,” said Clyde.

“I ain’t never seen no champeenship futball game,” said Clem.

“Me, neither,” said Clyde.

“I ain’t never even seen no television,” said Clem.

“Me, neither,” said Clyde.

“Them Mountaineer boys gonna whup them boys from Noter Dame, I bet,” said Clem.

“From where?” asked Clyde.

“From Noter Dame. That’s who they’s playin’,” said Clem.

“Ain’t never heard of no Noter Dame,” said Clyde.

“Shoot, that’s where the President of these United States of America played futball,” said Clem.

“You don’t say,” said Clyde.

“Yep, he asked them Noter Dame boys to go out and win one for him, just before he upped and died,” said Clem.

“Win one whut for him?” asked Clyde.

“Win one futball game, I reckon,” said Clem.

“And then he upped and died?” asked Clyde.

“Well, I reckon he got cured, ‘cause he ended up bein’ President,” said Clem.

“At’s right,” said Clyde.

“Anyhow, I hear these Noter Dame boys is big and mean,” said Clem.

“Where they from?” asked Clyde.

“I ain’t sure exactly. They all Roman Catholics, so I reckon they from Rome,” said Clem.

“Catholics versus country boys,” said Clyde.

“I reckon,” said Clem.

“So, now our Mountaineers have to be playin’ all these Eye-talians?” asked Clyde.

“Yep. In that thar Sunkist Fiester Bowl,” said Clem.

“Where’s ‘at?” asked Clyde.

“That thar’s in Arizona,” said Clem.

“That’s why they expectin’ hot weather?” asked Clyde.

“What you talkin’ ‘bout?” asked Clem.

“Well, you said it’s gonna be sun-kissed,” said Clyde.

“Reckon it must always be hot out thar in that cactus,” said Clem.

“How they play futball in that cactus?” asked Clyde.

“Real careful,” said Clem.

“What’s this here bowl they’s playin’ in?” asked Clyde.

“Fiester Bowl,” said Clem.

“What’s a fiester?” asked Clyde.

“Big Mexican party,” said Clem.

“How big’s this here Mexican?” asked Clyde.

“The Mexican ain’t big. The party’s big,” said Clem.

“Oh. How come they’s havin’ a Mexican party in an Arizona bowl?” asked Clyde.

“I never understood futball much as I should,” said Clem.

“So, our Mountaineer boys, they got a chance?” asked Clyde.

“Ain’t nobody whupped ‘em all year,” said Clem.

“Who’s the best guy they got?” asked Clyde.

“Got this one feller, Major Harris,” said Clem.

“Soldier boy?” asked Clyde.

“S’pose so,” said Clem.

“Noter Dame got itself any soldiers?” asked Clyde.

“Mebbe. Last year I heard Noter Dame had the best futball player in the whole danged country, and then he got drafted,” said Clem.

“Guvmint get you sooner or later, don’t it?” asked Clyde.

“Sure do,” said Clem.

“So, where y’all want to watch this here Fiester Bowl?” asked Clyde.

“I hears they’s got a TV in town,” said Clem.

“Which town?” asked Clyde.

“Oh, must be least one town in West Virginia got itself a TV,” said Clem.

“Take that old jalopy of yours out the garage and we’ll drive the young ‘uns on up to Morgantown, or mebbe over to Charleston,” said Clyde.

“Can’t,” said Clem.

“How come?” asked Clyde.

“Lost the crank,” said Clem.

“Dag nabbit, how we gonna see the Mountaineers play futball against them Noter Dame Eye-talians if we ain’t got no car and can’t find no TV?” asked Clyde.

“All we need do is go visit a spell at any house in the whole danged state. Ever’body in West Virginny gonna be curious ‘bout this here game,” said Clem.

“We can’t just go to any house we please,” said Clyde.

“Why not?” asked Clem. “We’s all kin.”

“You right. I forgot,” said Clyde.

“C’mon, let’s make tracks. I bet when that final gun go off, the Mountaineers be the champeens of futball,” said Clem.

“Yep,” said Clyde. “You think them Noter Dame boys gonna shoot back?”