New Yorkers Have a Go--at Each Other

Thirty years have come and gone since a couple of New York baseball teams picked up their hats and bats and moved to California. Maybe they should try it again--before somebody kills somebody.

The Mets and Yankees definitely need to mellow out, lighten up, lay back, calm down, cool off, chill out. The way they’re going, they’re going to put each other on the disabled list before they even play a game.

The Mets are taking swings in the batting cage--at each other. The Yankees have the bases loaded--and we do mean loaded. Darryl Strawberry has become a designated hitter--with Keith Hernandez the designee. Rickey Henderson has told his teammates to start attending AA meetings--and we don’t mean the Southern League.

Infighting in the infield. Boxing in the batter’s box. Be thankful nobody has assaulted anybody (yet). Or worse. The next Yankee who wears pinstripes may be doing so at Sing Sing or Rikers Island. And the Mets may become the first team to have a Murderers’ Row wherein somebody actually murders somebody.

Some teams argue with umpires, some teams argue with opponents. New Yorkers argue with New Yorkers. Reggie Jackson vs. Billy Martin. Martin vs. George Steinbrenner. Martin vs. Ed Whitson. Steinbrenner vs. Dave Winfield. Steinbrenner vs. Don Mattingly. Henderson vs. anonymous alcoholics. Strawberry vs. Hernandez. Except for Dwight Gooden’s run-in with the Tampa cops, most of New York’s scuffles have been intramural.

No wonder this is the city that never sleeps. They’re all afraid to close their eyes. Pretty soon one outfielder won’t call another off a fly ball--because they’re not talking to one another. Hernandez will hit a home run and find Strawberry waiting for him at home plate with a high-five--with brass knuckles on it.

The Yankees and Mets either need to seek professional help or hire the Guardian Angels as groundskeepers.

Better still, go west, young men. Try San Jose, or Sacramento, or any of those San or Santa or Los towns we’re famous for. Come to California. You hardly ever see the Dodgers, Angels, Padres and Giants rumbling like this, especially now that Pedro Guerrero’s gone.

Strawberry, for one, says he is dying to come to Los Angeles. Good. We could use a good middleweight.

At spring camp here Thursday, Strawberry interrupted a team photo session by attempting to turn Hernandez into a still life. His fuse got lit when Hernandez, chiding him about the contract bonus Strawberry has demanded, called out, “Why don’t you stop being such a baby about this?” obviously forgetting that in major league baseball, babies are the ones who get bonuses.

Strawberry lashed out at Hernandez, was restrained, then stormed out of camp, bringing new meaning to the baseball term hit and run. Baby Darryl climbed into his BMW stroller and rolled away.

Manager Davey Johnson was hardly nonplussed at all this. On the contrary, Johnson said, “I’m glad we’re getting these things out of our system,” a quote he borrowed, if we are not mistaken, from the best-selling “Wit and Wisdom of Mitch (Blood) Green.”

Well, the New York newsboys and newsgirls had a ball with this one. We can see the headlines now, without even having seen them: “THE LAST STRAW!” “DARRYL TO KEITH: DROP DEAD!” “STRAWBERRY HITS CUTOFF MAN!” “METS TAKE GLOVES OFF!” “NATIONAL LEAGUE’S ANIMAL HOUSE!”

All of which, at least, bumped the Yankees off Page 1. After Henderson accused his teammates of hitting the bottle harder than they hit the baseball, the next day’s New York Daily News ran a giant NY logo--with a champagne glass in place of the Y.

Publicity such as this, Boss Steinbrenner doesn’t need. Even though he likes outdoing the Mets whenever possible, we doubt if anybody was as grateful for Strawberry’s attack on Hernandez as was Georgie boy. For a day or two, it distracted everyone’s attention from the Yankees’ two favorite charities--the Winfield Foundation and the House of Seagram.

Here’s one to tell the gang, next time you visit a New York saloon:

Question: What’s a Yankee’s favorite time of day?

Answer: The 7 & 7 inning stretch.

And to think the biggest story in the Dodgers’ camp this spring is that Orel Hershiser and Kirk Gibson have offered Manager Tom Lasorda $10,000 apiece, to go to his favorite charity, if he drops 20 pounds by the All-Star break. Hershiser and Gibson could always donate this money right now to any downtown Los Angeles soup kitchen, feeding hundreds of hungry people until the All-Star break. But, at least their hearts are in the right place--in Lasorda’s stomach.

Tommy, by the way, noted that Margo Adams has only been linked so far with great hitters, Wade Boggs and Steve Garvey.

“If one of my guys gets into a slump this season, I’ll have to send him to Margo,” Lasorda jests.

Well, fans, that’s our report from spring training for today. Eat, drink and be merry. See you next time, with more of “This Week in Baseball!”