The New Dickerson: Borrrrring

We tried everything.

We baited him. “Eric, Ram management says you’re five years past your prime and couldn’t beat an overweight Dachshund in a 40-yard dash. Your thoughts?”

We lobbed open-ended questions the size of dirigibles at him. “Eric, wouldn’t you say that you’re the greatest running back in the history of all mankind?”

We groveled. “Eric, we promised our editors at least one inflammatory comment today. If we don’t get it, we’re through . . . finished . . . out on the streets. You’ve got to help us. You’ve just got to. Our families depend on it.”

Absolutely nothing worked, which leads me to believe that Eric Dickerson has finally discovered inner peace or someone slipped him a Mickey shortly before this week’s conference call with the local media. Whatever it is, something strange is going on.

Here we are, a day away from Dickerson’s long-awaited return to Anaheim Stadium, and there isn’t a controversy to be found. No outlandish quotes. No wild predictions. No worthwhile taunts. Instead, we get Dickerson Do-right, from whom never is heard a discouraging word.

I want to know what happened to the Dickerson we once loved or loathed? And since when has Dickerson discovered restraint? More importantly, what can be done to see it never occurs again?

This newest Dickerson version is far more agreeable, but also more boring than a poetry reading, more careful than the bomb squad and more diplomatic than a secretary of state. Given every opportunity to lambaste his former team, Dickerson recently dashed for the safety of the sidelines. Very odd.

Just this past summer, he was delivering verbal forearm shivers to owner Georgia Frontiere, Coach John Robinson and vice president John Shaw. He compared Shaw to a snake; said Robinson held no special place in his heart; suggested that a male National Football League owner is preferable to a female NFL owner. Say what you will about Dickerson, but at least he spoke his mind.

Until now. Now a helping of Dickerson comes with a side order of humble pie. It is a most disturbing development.

Almost two years have passed since the Rams traded Dickerson to the Indianapolis Colts. It was a momentous deal, one that involved three teams, four players and six draft choices. The reasons were simple: Dickerson was tired of the Rams. The Rams were tired of Dickerson. The Colts were tired of losing.

Since then, the Rams have won 16 regular-season games, the Colts have won 15 and a division championship, and the Buffalo Bills, the third team involved, have won 17 games and a division championship. Everybody, it seemed, got what they wanted. The Rams got rid of a problem child and received Greg Bell and draft picks galore for their trouble. The Colts got Dickerson. The Bills got linebacker Cornelius Bennett.

But the Rams also received one other item: uncertainty. With those six draft picks they chose receiver Aaron Cox, linebackers Frank Stams and Fred Strickland, running backs Gaston Green and Cleveland Gary and defensive back Darryl Henley. Will any of them have the same impact as Dickerson had? Probably not. Now then, will they provide the Rams with a better chance of winning a Super Bowl than Dickerson could have? We’ll see, won’t we?

I do know this much: for all the dissension and difficulties he created, Dickerson was certainly no worse than the players who replaced him. Charles White led the league in rushing in 1987--and also heartaches, thanks to a lingering substance-abuse problem. In 1988, Bell led the league in touchdowns scored. This year, he leads it in whining.

Dickerson is (was?) many things: single minded, outspoken, impetuous. He also is a bit calculating, which explains his seemingly impromptu press conference--the “Let-him-run-47 Gap” tirade--of two years ago. I can still remember the look on then-tight end David Hill’s face as Dickerson happily criticized the Ram organization. Hill was dumbfounded, and rightfully so.

But Dickerson knew that the comments would be splashed across newspapers everywhere, including those that plopped on the driveways of Frontiere, Shaw and Robinson. After that, it was only a matter of time until he was gone.

Now comes this latest performance, a self-imposed gag order by the man who loves to speak his mind. Don’t be fooled.

Just as he knew his comments would get him traded in 1987, Dickerson also knew that any popping off this week might result in a cheap shot come Sunday. In fact, he has mentioned how much he expects a “clean game.”

So he spoke the truth--but not the whole truth--during the conference call. He said he would cherish a Colt victory more than anything. He said his job was to run against the Ram defense, not the Ram management. He said that the animosity between him and Robinson has subsided. Maybe it has.

But maybe Dickerson also plans on letting his legs do the talking Sunday. Knowing Dickerson, they’ll speak volumes.