When Lasorda Gets Roasted, Everyone Just Wants to Dig In

Dodger Manager Tom Lasorda was roasted during a Las Vegas benefit Saturday night for the Barbara Sinatra Children’s Center in Rancho Mirage, Calif.

Some of the zingers:

--Frank Sinatra: “(Lasorda) donated one of his old uniforms to the homeless. They made it into a tent and it sleeps a family of 12.”

Comedian Rich Little, mimicking President Bush, said Vice President Dan Quayle had been told to fly out on Air Force One to represent Bush at the roast, “but when he got to the airport he couldn’t remember the number of the plane.”

Frank Layden, president of the Utah Jazz, on Lasorda: “He’s been an inspiration to the youth of America because they know if he can make it, anyone can.”

Trivia time: The Oklahoma and Texas football teams play for the Golden Hat. Which teams play for the Golden Egg?

Always a new experience: Earl Weaver’s senior baseball love affair with umpire Barry Shulman continues.

Shulman ejected Weaver for the second time in 12 Senior Association games last week after the former Baltimore Oriole manager criticized Shulman from the dugout before the start of the fourth inning of Gold Coast’s game against Orlando. Shulman went over to the dugout and said, “I’m not going to listen to you all night.”

Weaver then came out of the the dugout with his cap turned. When Shulman turned his own cap, Weaver grabbed it, drop-kicked it, picked it up, twisted it and threw it into the stands.

“Ninety-six times I was thrown out in the majors,” Weaver said. “Never grabbed an umpire’s hat. Each time is impromptu.”

Weaver’s Gold Coast team won, 3-1.

Get your head in the game: With four seconds left in the Houston Oiler-Cincinnati Bengal game Nov. 6, Oiler quarterback Warren Moon tried to call a timeout to set up a game-winning field goal. Referee Dick Hantack ignored him. Finally, with two seconds left, Hantack called the timeout.

“Why do you want a timeout?” Hantack asked Moon.

“Sir, we’re trying to kick a field goal to win this game,” Moon said.

Later, Hantack told Moon he thought the Oilers had the lead and were killing the clock. The Oilers won despite Hantack, 26-24.

Merely a warmup: Michigan State Coach George Perles, on why running back Blake Ezor carried 41 times during the Spartans’ 76-14 victory over Northwestern: “I wanted to keep him in there while he was hot. I wanted to run him and make sure that he gets ready for the final game (against Wisconsin) next week.”

Ezor gained 228 yards and scored a Big Ten-record six touchdowns.

Child’s play: Peter May of the Hartford Courant on Dallas’ Roy Tarpley: “The Mavericks have gone out of their way to pamper and care for the outrageously talented Tarpley, who is Example A of ‘body by Fisher, mind by Fisher-Price.’ ”

Take one giant strep: After Eric Dickerson of the Indianapolis Colts fumbled three times and lost two against the Buffalo Bills Nov. 12, he refused to talk to the press. A Buffalo columnist wrote: “Maybe his throat was sore from coughing up the football.’

Trivia answer: Mississippi and Mississippi State.

Like a toothache: Brad Lohaus of the Minnesota Timberwolves, on playing for Coach Bill Musselman: “He’s very intense and it shows. He wants to motivate. I played for a guy like him in college, George Raveling. You just have to get used to it.”

Raveling, now at USC, coached Lohaus at Iowa.

Remember the Alamo: Chicago Bear Coach Mike Ditka on the performance of starting quarterback Jim Harbaugh, who completed 12 of 24 passes for 126 yards and threw three interceptions in a 32-31 loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sunday: “Harbaugh played with courage, commitment and zeal. John Wayne would have been proud of him.”

Strapped for words: Kansas linebacker Dan Newbrough on the pronunciation of his name: “It’s New-bra. Like a woman’s Cross-Your-Heart.”

Quotebook: Sacramento Coach Jerry Reynolds, after watching his Kings outscore Indiana, 16-5, in the final four minutes Saturday and beat the Pacers, 107-102: “On any team, the talent is so good in the NBA that 10 up doesn’t mean anything, nor does 10 down mean anything.”