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Is There No Giant in NBA?

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Is anybody going to take the NBA championship?

Detroit is in dire straits. Joe Dumars is down and out in Auburn Hills, and everybody knows he’s the key to that team. I don’t know that Isiah Thomas can carry the Pistons to another title without him. Besides, any team with Bill Laimbeer and Mark Aguirre can’t be all good.

The Lakers are a tad shaky. Magic Johnson’s multimillion-dollar foot hurts--hey, at least it’s not a hamstring--and the Portland Trail Blazers are breathing down their necks like vampires. They will be after the Lakers again tonight at the Forum, with Clyde Drexler, the best thing to happen to Oregon since logs.

Chicago? Could be. Michael Jordan is about to become the first player since Wilt Chamberlain to score a single-triple. Cleveland was pretty lucky the other night, holding Jordan to double figures. Yo, Michael: Get human, man. Who’s going to stop this guy? He’s so tough, he probably likes broccoli.

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The Knicks? Forget it. Here’s a team that is disappearing faster than rain forests. The Rod Strickland trade blew up in their face. Mark Jackson continues to prove how totally overrated he is. And Charles Oakley fell like a mighty oak. Madison Square Garden has turned into a one-ring circus: Patrick Ewing.

Maybe Philadelphia. Charles Barkley deserves to be NBA MVP, PDQ. Rick Mahorn hasn’t actually killed anybody yet, which is good news. The backcourt of Hawkins and Dawkins is ready and steady. The 76ers just finished kicking Boston’s green rumps, and will be really tough to beat in the playoffs at home. I just hate the thought of Mahorn getting the last laugh on the Pistons for cutting him.

Anyway, the NBA today sure is a lively place. I sure hope Danny Ferry liked Italy, because he sure did miss a good year here.

“Any of eight clubs can win it,” announcer and former coach Hubie Brown was saying the other day. “Maybe 10. Maybe 12. It’s that up for grabs.”

How up for grabs is it? OK, let’s count down the teams that can win it, and no counting by hundredths of a second:

Lakers, Pistons, Trail Blazers, 76ers, Bulls, Knicks, Celtics . . . all right, we’ll buy those. San Antonio? You bet your sweet life San Antonio. There’s eight. Utah? Phoenix? Mmmmmm, well, OK, we’ll count them, too. Any other teams look good enough to win the NBA? Seattle? Atlanta? Milwaukee? Nevada Las Vegas?

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All right, let’s say 10, although frankly, I don’t think the Celtics could win it this season, even if every single playoff game was played in that broken-down shack of theirs that Bob Vila couldn’t repair.

Home-court advantage is going to mean even more than usual, which is why the Lakers had better take Portland very, very seriously. The Trail Blazers are ready to make a run at this thing. Besides, we hear Buck Williams has extra motivation. We hear if the Trail Blazers don’t win, they have threatened to banish him forever to New Jersey.

Detroit figured to be a good bet to make the NBA finals again, considering how well the Pistons were playing and how difficult they are to overthrow at the Palace. Everybody was healthy and happy, and Chuck Daly was hinting that he might even retire from coaching. Probably retire to a tropical island and turn over his entire closet to charity organizations, which would use it to clothe several Third World nations.

As soon as Dumars got hurt, Detroit dropped three in a row. He might make it back for the playoffs, might not. All we know is that Chicago gave the Pistons a lot of trouble in last season’s playoffs even when Dumars was in tip-top shape, and Philadelphia hasn’t backed off an inch this season.

Matter of fact, if you twist my arm--and please don’t--I’ll pick the 76ers in the Eastern Conference. I don’t put anything past that Barkley character. He’s not only a complete player, baseline to baseline, but he deserves his own HBO comedy special. Barkley presents a serious challenge to Mychal Thompson and John Salley for Funniest Man in the NBA.

Do people want to see the NBA finals between Philadelphia and Portland?

Hey, trust me. It would be hot. Maybe the TV ratings would dip, but the Trail Blazers are a team waiting to be discovered. Any day now, some network will be announcing a new cheerleader movie: “The Blazer Girls.” Pat Riley won’t be half the sex-symbol Rick Adelman is. Michael Ovitz will sign up Kevin Duckworth as his next Hollywood client. Courtside tickets in Portland could shoot up to as much as $20 apiece!

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I just hope Drexler and Barkley don’t kiss before every game.

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