Padres at Midterm: Off the Dean’s List, Failure Close at Hand

OK, class, come to order.

It is time to distribute grades for the first semester of the 1990 baseball year.

Wait a minute.

Something is wrong here.

It says at the top here that this is supposed to be an honors class.

Are these really the Padres’ grades? Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe these are the grades from one of 1990s remedial classes, such as the Astros or Braves or Dodgers.

No, it says right here that these really are the Padres’ grades. How could they possibly be this bad? Hasn’t anyone thought to send notes home to their parents?

What’s the problem here? Truancy? It is if you are talking about being absent from a pennant race without an excuse.

Stupidity? There have, in fact, been problems with some of these guys counting as high as three.

Lack of motivation? Maybe. Let’s wake them up and give them their grades.

* Catcher--Two grades here, an A for Benito Santiago and an F for Understudies D’Jour. Santiago was enjoying his finest year when San Francisco’s Jeff Brantley broke his right arm with a pitch June 14. Since then, hitting has been non-existent and opposing base-runners have been stealing with such abandon the position may as well be manned by a scarecrow.

* First base--No courtesy Cs here, not in a supposed honors class. You get your grade according to what you’ve done lately. First base is a D+, the plus coming from the fact that Jack Clark has managed to hit 11 home runs in spite of a .225 batting average and a mere 26 runs batted in.

* Second base--A- for Roberto Alomar. The kid’s hitting above .300, scoring some runs, driving in some runs and stealing some bases. Cut down on the errors and he would be minus the minus.

* Shortstop--Garry Templeton gets a C+. He’s up in average and home runs, but also up in errors. It probably averages out to a C, but he gets a plus for leadership.

* Third base--Maybe it’s time to take a look at Eddie Williams, the local kid down in Las Vegas. Mike Pagliarulo has an “average” average, but very little run production and a glove that has not matched its reputation. Call it D+.

* Left field--B+ as in Bip+. Mr. Roberts has provided spark at the top of the batting order, a solid batting average and versatility. And Fred Lynn hasn’t done too badly when he has been in there.

* Center field--I’d like to go higher than C+ with Joe Carter, but that .220 average just doesn’t stretch above that. You do have to like his 59 runs batted in.

* Right field--The whiners and underachievers on this club may disagree, but Tony Gwynn gets an A. Period.

* Starting pitching--The four guys who can be identified as starting pitchers--Ed Whitson, Andy Benes, Dennis Rasmussen and Bruce Hurst--are exactly 24-24. Whitson has pitched the best, followed by Benes, but the group averages out to a C. Leaving the fifth starter out keeps it from dropping to D.

* Middle relief--Show me earned-run averages that range from 4.14 to 6.99 and I’ll show you an F.

* Short relief--Craig Lefferts and Greg Harris have been good, but not invincible. Give them a B because they have done as well as they have in spite of being so overworked.

* Bench--Lynn and, occasionally, Phil Stephenson provide some punch and Joey Cora provides some speed, but overall we’re talking sub-par bats and average defense. Comes out to a generous C-, mainly because these guys wouldn’t be benchwarmers if much more could be expected of them.

* General Manager--Trader Jack McKeon put together what certainly looked like an honors class and gets an A- for it. He didn’t do anything about the glaring hole at third base, probably because he did not recognize it existed. Nothing that happened in 1989 would have indicated pitching would be the problem it has become.

* Manager--This listless, lifeless bunch needs to be kicked and screamed at. Mental errors should result in stiff fines. The manager cannot hit, pitch or field, as all managers point out, but they have to get their players’ attention. Manager Jack McKeon has not done this: C-. All in all, class, this is a rather ugly report card. You want an overall grade for the whole class? Look at the standings. You’re in fourth place, 13 1/2 games out of first place with a record of 37-43. That’s your overall grade.

By the way, with the second semester about to start, it probably won’t surprise you that you are no longer designated an honors class. You’re on the remedial list now.

You haven’t made the grade.

Hey, don’t go getting into my face, just because you don’t like your grade.

I’m just the messenger.

You’re the mess.