Hope Doesn’t Change Hurt : Difficult Days for Bedrosian, Whose Son Has Leukemia

Three years ago, life couldn’t have been any sweeter for Steve Bedrosian. His wife, Tammy, had just had their second son, Cody; Bedrosian was the National League save leader with 40, and he had just edged Rick Sutcliffe to win the closest Cy Young Award voting ever.

At 30, his 94-m.p.h. fastball and notorious slider made him the bullpen darling of Philadelphia. It was the last good year Bedrosian has had--on or off the diamond.

The next season, he was on the Phillies’ disabled list through May after a bout with pneumonia and pleurisy, and finished 6-6 with 28 saves. The following June, he was traded to the San Francisco Giants, and finished 1-4 with 17 saves.

But the toughest times came two weeks into this season, when doctors diagnosed that 3-year-old Cody had lymphoblastic leukemia.

It has been a difficult three years for Bedrosian, once touted as the toughest closer in the league.

“Doctors say 10 years ago, the leukemia would have meant Cody had about six to eight weeks, tops,” Bedrosian said. “But thanks to medical research, there’s a good chance he can beat it. And we believe in that.”

But all the hope in the world doesn’t change the fact that leukemia is a painful disease. For Cody, it means at least three more years of chemotherapy and another two years of observation, at the very least.

Physicians treating Cody’s illness prescribe hope, faith and love for the Bedrosians.

“I cried every night and I’m not ashamed to say so,” Bedrosian said. “I love my son, I love all my sons. And I love my family. I hate to see them hurt. You just have to stay strong. He has to see us in a positive mode. If he sees you down, then he’s going to be down.

“When he is feeling good, Mom and Dad are feeling good, and that’s just the way it is. I don’t care who you are. It’s humanly impossible not to think about that and say it doesn’t bother you because it does.”

Teammate and fellow pitcher Mark Thurmond, who is close to Bedrosian, said his friend has handled it well.

“Sometimes people forget that baseball players double as people,” Thurmond said. “When I was a rookie, it was a lot easier to play the game. Now, I have a wife and three kids who need love and a whole lot of other responsibilities. You’re a human being with priorities that sometimes you can’t fulfill like you want to, and it gets tougher each year.

“Steve plays baseball, but he’s also a father with a sick boy. . . . Now, which is more important?”

Catcher Gary Carter said: “I think he’s handled it like a champ. It’s got to be difficult for him; you hate to have anything happen to a family member. When it hits home and involves your children, there’s no way of knowing how you’re going to handle it.”

Earlier this week, the Giants were in Los Angeles for a three-game series against the Dodgers. Bedrosian, willing to discuss his child’s sickness only briefly, took questions in the Giants’ dugout.

Some of the San Francisco players’ children were also in Los Angeles for the series, and were playing baseball on the grass near the dugout a few hours before the game.

While watching the kids in right field, Bedrosian proudly announced: “I have two other sons, too. I have three sons.”

His eyes moved from the reporter to the kids, then back.

“We just adopted a baby, which was in the planning before Cody was diagnosed,” he said. “We thought about not doing it, but Cody was so much looking forward to it, we thought that if we didn’t, Cody would think it was his fault.”

He looked back at the field. The kids were still playing, hollering, sliding into one another. He squinted, watching them intently. His eyes unabashedly betrayed him, his inner thoughts painted in his every expression. Whether he was imagining his child growing old enough to play with the other children was uncertain.

Concentration has been a major problem for Bedrosian this season.

“He’s got a good arm and he’s got it going a little bit. But sometimes his mechanics are off and other times his concentration is off,” pitching coach Norm Sherry said.

“You know, he doesn’t really talk about (the cancer). I’m not sure what’s on his mind all the time. He had it tough in the beginning of the season--that was when they found out his son was sick. But he’s a tough guy, and I think he’s handling it pretty damn good.”

Through Thursday, Bedrosian was 4-5, with seven saves and a 4.10 earned-run average. He has given up 45 hits, 23 runs, five home runs, 25 walks, with 31 strikeouts, in 48 1/3 innings.

Phrases like: “Be strong” or “keep your chin up” or “hold up” can mean everything or nothing at all to the parent of a sick child.

They can be words spoken by physicians, far removed from the real suffering of a family stricken by cancer. Or they can be words to cling to: “Be strong” for the children. “Keep up appearances” for your friends. “Hold up” so the grandparents don’t worry.

And also, there’s: “Hang in there” and pitch well, the team is depending on you.

Now , what was that count? Was it 1 and 2, or 2 and 1? . . . Check the scoreboard.

“We need him to get straightened out a bit,” Giant Manager Roger Craig said. “We still think we can win, but we need him to do it. His mind is elsewhere sometimes. He’s not concentrating like I know he can and hope he will.”

Bedrosian’s performance on the field has ebbed and flowed with Cody’s condition. The youngster is presently in remission and is due for a spinal tap Aug. 7. His health has been good and he seems to be returning to normal around the Bedrosian household. As one might expect, Dad is beginning to come around on the field, too.

“It’s been frustrating,” Bedrosian said of the last month. “I think I’m still throwing the ball well. But I think I need to be more aggressive with hitters. Sometimes I start walking people and then I try to aim, and they start whacking the ball.

“I think there’s good baseball left in me. I think I can get back to that form again and produce a lot more.”

Bedrosian, who is 6-feet-3 with a dark beard and big hands, might appear to be gruff to strangers. But his voice is actually soft and reassuring.

“He wants to be an astronaut and he wants to be to a fireman,” Bedrosian said of Cody. “The (boys) went to Marine World (Monday) and they want a whale now. They also want a monkey. You know, for the back yard.

“Heck, if they want to become pitchers, that’s fine, and if they don’t, I just want them to do the best they can at whatever they do.

“My wife and I are just trying to keep things as normal as possible right now. I don’t want to dwell on the negatives, but Cody would get better, and I’d throw the ball well.”

Bedrosian said that even through the family’s most troubling times, he never considered leaving baseball.

“I never thought of giving up,” he said. “Yeah, I felt bad at first, and baseball didn’t matter to me. But it is a test, and I don’t think leaving the game of baseball is going to alleviate that problem.

“But if I was in a situation where Cody needed me to be there all the time and it became a more drastic situation, then yeah, I’d leave, no question. He’d have to come first. But he’s doing well now, and we’re hoping for the best.

“We’ve had our share of ups and downs and this is just something we have to deal with. Cody doesn’t know it’s life-threatening. He knows he’s sick and he says his prayers every night.

“You know? We’re going to get through this.”