She Wanted Him to Take His Best Shot

Times columnist Jim Murray spoke at a recent media luncheon previewing the MBS LPGA tournament, scheduled for Sept. 17-23 at Los Coyotes Country Club in Buena Park.

Murray recalled playing in an alternate shot tournament with Donna Caponi.

Caponi hit her first tee shot 280 yards down the middle. Murray put the next shot in the trees to the right. She put the ball on the green. His putt went off the end of the green and into a pond.

This went on for three holes. On the fourth, she hit another tee shot straight down the middle.

Said Murray: “What do you want me to do with it?”

Said Caponi: “Miss it.”

Trivia time: Who holds the National League record for home runs by a switch-hitter?

Gored in Gotham: The New York Daily News has taken the city’s tabloid attacks on George Steinbrenner to a new low.

The News’ front-page headline Wednesday read: “AND NOW . . . LI’L BOSS.”

Below was a full-page cartoon showing Steinbrenner as a German officer in a Yankee outfit with the “NY” logo turned into a swastika. Steinbrenner is carrying a billy club and shouting to his son, Hank, dressed exactly like his father, only half his size.

Add Daily News: Inside, the paper carried more “General Von Steingrabber” cartoons.

“But why, Steingrabber, WHY,” Fay Vincent asks.

“Frightened--frightened to death,” Steingrabber says.

Still another cartoon shows Vincent in a “Commish” uniform, pulling the pinstripes off Steinbrenner’s Yankee outfit.

“I feel so . . . so . . . LIMITED,” Steinbrenner cries, tears running down his face.

Last add Daily News: From columnist Mike McAlary: “Only a buffoon would go for life over a two-year suspension. Steinbrenner comes up just such a fool. . . . With this much said, there is only this to say about Steinbrenner: He is Gary Gilmore come to baseball, demanding his own death.”

Jumping the gun: This week at the Marymoor Park Velodrome, site of the Goodwill Games cycling competition, the public-address announcer introduced Ted Turner and Jane Fonda as “Ted and Jane Turner.”

Noreen knows fog: An ad in the Times’ Business section Tuesday read: “Stay at Le Meridien and discover the streets of San Francisco with our guided morning run. Scenic routes. Sunrise from Coit Tower. The Fog at the Golden Gate Bridge. The Filbert Steps, Pier 39--all at a comfortable pace with resident jogger, Noreen.”

You need a guide to find those landmarks?

One exception: Satchel Paige, in his rules for living, warned, “Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.” But it’s worth noting that on this day in 1948, Paige, then 42, made his first major league start and pitched seven innings as the Cleveland Indians defeated the Washington Senators, 5-3.

Trivia answer: Ted Simmons, 182, with St. Louis and Atlanta.

Quotebook: Baltimore Oriole announcer Jon Miller, downplaying Cal Ripken Jr.’s lack of speed: “If you saw Larry Bird running against Michael Jordan, you might think he never had a chance.”