There’s No Question About It: He’s Here

Diamond Strawberry, daughter of Darryl, wiggled and squiggled in her Dodger daddy’s arms and didn’t really listen to what he had to say. Everybody else in the dining room did, and this is what he said:

“At this point, my life is headed in the right direction. I’m only 28 years old and my career is on the uprise. All I want to do is what Darryl Strawberry does best--and that’s bangin’ on that ball.”

Any questions?

Yes, there were questions.

Strawberry fielded them cleanly Thursday.

“Why did you leave New York?” (To get to the other side.) “If the Mets offered you the same money as the Dodgers, would you still be a Met?” (No.) “What will the pressure be playing in your hometown?” (Pressure? In Los Angeles? What comedy club do you work in?) “What position will you play in Los Angeles?” (Outfield.) “What will your number be in Los Angeles?” (Probably 1-900.)

A lot of New Yorkers were in the neighborhood, here for Sunday’s Giants-Rams game. They had lots of questions for The Darryl. As I was leaving, somebody even stuck a microphone into the face of Diamond Strawberry, who is 2. She tried to eat it.

About the only thing Strawberry did not get asked was whether Edwin Moses, Willie Gault and Bo Jackson had contacted him yet about that bobsled thing. This is a big bobsled town, Los Angeles. Strawberry can tell you. It’s what your typical Crenshaw High guy wants to grow up to do.

Anyhow, anybody who loves baseball or who loves or hates Los Angeles or New York must have a question or two for Dodger Darryl. We have a few, too.

Let’s play 20 Questions, shall we?

1. OK, why DID he leave New York?

Darryl says: “I just wanted to get away from it all.” If you ask me, though, I still think it was that La Guardia flight-pattern thing. At Dodger Stadium, the loudest noise pattern he will encounter is Lasorda burping up those milkshakes.

2. What did Fred Claire do that no Met would do?

Darryl says: “He sat down and talked to me like a person.” That darned Fred Claire. Guy knows every trick in the book.

3. OK, if New York had matched L.A.’s offer, which team would Straw be stirring?

Darryl says: “The team I’m standing here with right now, the L.A. Dodgers.” Yeah, and I know why. It’s our world-famous affordable housing.

4. Why does California keep picking on New York?

We took away the Dodgers. We took away the Giants. We took Dave Winfield. We took Kevin Mitchell. Now Strawberry. And I hear that, in the divorce settlement, we get Ivana.

5. What will New Yorkers do to get even?

Hey, they already took Steve Sax. They could go after Fernando. They could even take Juan Samuel. (Please.)

6. OK, what position WILL Strawberry play?

Lasorda says: “Any position he wants.” (Pa-rump-bump.) But seriously, ladies and germs, Darryl says: “I’ll play where they put me. I don’t want to be recognized as a person with an attitude. I don’t have an attitude.” Fortunately for Darryl, in California we have many fine attitude enhancement centers.

7. What did Strawberry’s buddy Eric Davis have to say about all this?

Darryl says: “His comments were: ‘What a lineup!”’ That’s an impressive comment coming from someone who plays for the World Series champions. Doubly impressive is that the Valley’s own Eric, of Woodland Hills, did not say to his best bud Darryl, who lives in Encino: “Whoa, what a lineup, Straw dude! Excellent!”

8. What will Strawberry hit for the Dodgers?

Baseballs. Many, many baseballs.

9. OK, what number WILL Strawberry wear?

Darryl says: “I have to speak with Bill Russell about that. I want 18, but he’s got it. There’s also 44 because that’s what Eric wears for the Reds, but I don’t know.” Well, I know, Darryl. Aaron, Reggie, Eric . . . haven’t we had enough 44s? Do what Carlton Fisk did, man. Turn your old number backward. The Dodgers haven’t even retired 81.

10. Will the fans in L.A. treat Darryl different than New York’s?

Darryl says (after he eventually stops laughing): “Time will tell.” Yes, it will. When the time is 7:30 p.m., Dodger ticket-holders will be cheering as Darryl comes to bat. When the time is 9:30 p.m., Dodger ticket-holders will be tuning those AM radio dials to KABC-790 in their cars, to hear Darryl bat in the bottom of the eighth.

11. Is Darryl ready for life in L.A.?

He wore a gray suit to his press conference Thursday--with no socks. You tell me.

12. Did Darryl get Jose Canseco’s kind of money?

Yes. Green. Lots. His contract is worth $20,250,000. It will be renegotiated to $20,250,100, soon as Darryl remembers that California requires his car to have a smog check.

13. What does Strawberry think of the Dodgers?

Darryl says: “It’s probably the finest organization in baseball.” Boy, are those Seattle people going to be ticked off when they hear this.

14. Does the 1991 Strawberry come with a guarantee?

Darryl says: “Fred Claire has taken a lot of heat. But I’ll tell you what: He won’t take no heat for this. I’ll make sure of that.” He’d better, too, because sometimes those California sportswriters get so vicious, they’ll write an entire bad sentence about a guy.

15. What is Kirk Gibson’s role in all this?

1988.

16. Is it fair for one town to have Magic Johnson, Wayne Gretzky, Bo Jackson AND Darryl Strawberry?

No, and I hear Fay Vincent’s got that John Dowd guy working on it.

17. Will Eric Davis join the Dodgers someday?

Yes, and I hope that Marge Schott has to pay his plane fare.

18. What in New York will Strawberry miss most?

162 games. (Pa-rump-bump.)

19. How will he remember New York most?

Darryl says: “I got criticized a lot, but I’m not that bad of a person.” Darryl, speaking for sportswriters everywhere, after dealing with Kirk Gibson and Eddie Murray, I wouldn’t call you a bad person if you set fire to the stadium.

20. Any other questions for Darryl?

Yes. Would you promise never to refer to $20,250,000 as “20 million and change?” Thanks. Now sit down and talk like a person.