It’s the Pits for No. 1-Ranked Pitt

THE COLLEGES

Ranked No. 18 in AP’s preseason top 25 poll, a team that bad-mouthed its opponents and then got beat up by them, Pitt (3-7-1) was a true Bottom Ten phenomenon.

The Panthers, who criticized Miami before a 45-point loss and Oklahoma after a 42-point loss, rallied on the last week of the regular season and won the Bottom Ten title.

Pitt’s ascension climaxed a confusing weekend marked by a shocking upset of SMU by previous Bottom Ten-leading Arkansas and a decision by the voters to option out Cal State Fullerton (1-11) to Division II football.

Pitt’s name will now be engraved on the Bronze Dunce Cap in the Bottom Ten Hall of Fame, currently located in the basement of Al’s Billiards, Sushi and Tanning Parlor in Venice, Calif.*

* A promotional fee has been paid the Bottom Ten by Al’s Billiards, Sushi and Tanning Parlor.

RANKINGS COLLEGE ADMINISTRATIONS

School 5th Down Wins Complaints 1. Colorado 1 More than 100*

*School is still resisting suggestions that it should forfeit its tainted 33-31 win over Missouri.

COLLEGE TEAMS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Pitt (3-7-1) 17-22, Penn St Finished 2. Georgia (4-6) Idle Ga. Tech 3. Kentucky (4-7) 28-42, Tenn. Finished 4. W. Va. (4-7) 10-29, S Caro Finished 5. Arkansas (3-8) D. SMU, 42-29 Finished 6. USC (0-8)* 6-10, N Dame Next Year 7. Ariz St (4-6) 17-21, Arizona Houston 8. Cal fans (0-1)** At home Copper 9. Virginia (1-3)*** 13-38, Va Tech Sugar 10. Edwards (BYU) Perspective Hawaii

11. The East (placed one team in UPI’s final 25); 12. New Mexico State (1-10, but on a winning streak); 13. LSU (5-6); 14. LSU coaching position (four candidates dropped out of contention for the job in one day); 15. Texas Tech (4-7); 16. Minnesota fans in Metrodome (outshouted by 30,000 visiting Iowa fans, whose chanting forced the Gophers to call two timeouts); 17. The broadcaster’s cliche that the home team “has to get the crowd into the game”; 18. UCLA (5-6); 19. This Space for Sale (call 1-800-BUM-TEAM); 20. Nebraska’s cream-puff schedule (in their only games against comparable opponents, the Cornhuskers were 0-2).

*Record in last eight games vs. Notre Dame.

**Stormed onto field and drew penalty that helped position Stanford for winning field goal.

***Record in November.

JOHN JENKINS POUR-IT-ON AWARD: The honor, named for the Houston coach, goes to BYU’s LaVell Edwards who left quarterback Ty Detmer in game into fourth quarter in 45-10 slaughter of Utah. THE PROS

How low has Cleveland fallen? When the red-faced Browns fell behind Miami, 3-27 at halftime, Sunday, NBC switched away for good to the Indianapolis-Cincinnati game. Yup, NBC canceled Cleveland (2-9), the “Cop Rock” of NFL football.

The move robbed viewers of the chance to watch the luxury-box frowns, sneers and head-shakes of Browns’ owner Art Modell, the man who deserves much of the credit for the team’s demise.

It was meddling Modell who stabilized quarterback Bernie Kosar and the rest of the team with three coaches in the last three years and five offensive coordinators in the last six.

RANKINGS SWOON DIVISION

Team, Slump Last Loss Next Loss 1. S.F. (0-1) 17-28, Rams Giants 2. Giants (0-1) 13-31, Phila S.F. 3. Chicago (0-1) 13-41, Minn Detroit 4. Jets (0-3) 7-24, Pitt S.D. 5. Denver (0-4) 27-40, Detroit Raiders 6. Atlantis (0-4) 7-10, N.0. Tampa 7. Cleveland (0-6) 13-30, Miami Rams 8. Tampa at Bay (0-6) 10-20, G Bay Atlantis 9. Olde England (0-9) 14-34 Phoenix* K.C. 10. Raiders (1-3) 24-27, K.C. Denver

*Not to mention a $50,000 team fine and $22,500 in player fines for mistreatment of reporter Lisa Olson.

HOW MUCH PUNISHMENT DOES THE GUY HAVE TO TAKE?: Tampa Bay owner Hugh Culverhouse, on Coach Ray Perkins: “Even if we lost every game the rest of the year, even if Ray Perkins wanted to quit, I wouldn’t let him. I’d make him come back and coach next year.”