Floyd the Pig and Gertie the Goose: Trophies or Booby Prizes? : THE TROPHIES

Who cares about the debate over the No. 1 college team? For most football fans, the main issue has been settled--mainly, who gets Floyd of Rosedale. It’s Minnesota, of course.

The trophy originated 55 years ago when the governors of Minnesota and Iowa wagered a real hog on the outcome of the Gopher-Hawkeye game. (As if the game itself isn’t big enough.) Then, rather than pass poor Floyd back and forth every year, a bronze likeness of the blue-ribbon pig was created.

It’s one of the Bottom Ten selectors’ favorite weird rivalry prizes. Others are the Broomhead Trophy (named for a fund-raiser named William Broomhead), the Telephone (contributed by Northwestern Bell after it crossed the coaches’ phone lines at an Iowa State-Missouri game), and the Shot Glass (Coast Guard vs. Rensselaer Poly).

Alas, we regret to say that Minnesota Duluth and Wisconsin Superior didn’t play this year, so there was no suspense over who would gain possession of Gertie the Goose.

RANKINGS

Trophy Outcome 1. Floyd Minn. def. Iowa, 31-24 2. Gertie Idle 3. Broomhead R.I., def. Brown, 23-3 4. Jug Michigan def. Minn., 35-18 5. Goat Carleton def. St. Olaf*, 27-20 6. Bronze Turkey Monmouth def. Knox, 19-14 7. Shot Glass RPI** def. Coast Guard, 7-6 8. Telephone Iowa St. def. Missouri, 27-25 9. Bell Clapper Okla. def Okla St., 31-17 10. Ax Cal fans def. Cal, 27-25***

*Much to distress of School of Rose on “Golden Girls.”

**Anyone who can spell Rensselaer Poly should get the trophy.

***Cal fans won it for Stanford.

QUOTEBOOK: Tom Weir of USA Today: “Now that Ty Detmer’s fade against Hawaii (four interceptions in a 59-28 loss) has made all of us who pushed his Heisman Trophy candidacy blush, shouldn’t the Downtown Athletic Club give serious consideration to pushing back the voting until the college football season is finished, including the bowl games?” (And including the Floyd of Rosedale match).

THE PROS

Defrocked Tampa Bay coach Ray Perkins recently blamed the media for the Buccaneers’ woes, but in Denver no one wants the Broncos to win more than radio sports commentator Rich Goins.

He’s been sitting on a billboard for a month, after half-jokingly vowing to stay there until the Broncos are victorious. (His bosses took him at his word.) “I don’t like living up here,” he moaned Sunday. When he heard the final score of the Broncos’ drubbing, Goins winced and slammed his hands against the billboard. The sadistic crowd below cheered.

Unlike the Broncos, either Atlanta or Cleveland should win this weekend, since they meet in a classic test of the NFL’s weakest defenses: A movable object vs. a movable object.

Speaking of losers, it appears that Nutri/Systems failure Buddy Ryan and his Philadelphia Eagles have begun their late-season swoon earlier than usual.

RANKINGS

NOSE-DIVE DIVISION

Team, Slump Last Loss Next Loss 1. Chicago (0-1) 9-10, Wash. Detroit 2. Phila. (0-2) 20-23, Phoenix Cleveland 3. Denvelway (0-6) 20-31, K.C. San Diego 4. Atlantis (0-6) 13-24, Phoenix Cleve. 5. Cleveland (0-8) 14-58, Houston Atlanta 6. Olde England (0-11) 3-24, Pitt. Wash.

PERSONAL INSULT DIVISION

Provocateur Comment 1. Fulcher (Cin) Calls 49ers cheap-shot artists 2. Theismann (ESPN) Skins’ Gibbs is “burned out”* 3. Lott (SF) Giants’ Simms is “choker” 4. Perkins (unemp.) Media’s too “negative” 5. Williams (Minn.)** Lions’ Fontes is “selfish”

*Bad timing: After Joe T.’s attack, the Redskins went out and beat Chicago, 10-9.

**Linebacker Jimmy Williams, fired by Lions after sassing an assistant coach. Williams claimed Fontes is also rude to airline stewardesses.

QUOTEBOOK: Joe Juliano of the Philadelphia Inquirer, on the significance of the recent Phoenix-Indianapolis game: “Move over, Bud Bowl. The Cardinals and Colts brought you the first version of the Bum Bowl, named in honor of the last two owners--Bill Bidwill of Phoenix and Robert Irsay of Indianapolis--to move their franchises to another city.”