He Helps You to Forget the Wilted Lettuce

Warrior fans, 76er fans, Laker fans, in fact any fans who followed Wilt Chamberlain’s NBA career knew to expect the worst when Chamberlain was awarded free throws.

They can appreciate what took place at the opening of Wilt Chamberlain’s Restaurant in Boca Raton, Fla., last week.

The place has an enclosed free-throw court. Chamberlain, resplendent in a tuxedo, went to the line.

After a few shots, customers watched in horror as, with one rip, a sleeve on Chamberlain’s jacket tore loose.

Trivia time: Name the only player to hit 500 home runs and never appear in a World Series.

Fighting mad: In an interview for the January, 1991, issue of Spin magazine, Mike Tyson says: “I hate taxes.”

Tyson added: “They can take your money and all that stuff. But you know what they do? They humiliate you. Like, I can handle being broke, but it’s just the fact of being humiliated.”

He also said he hates police officers who tell him: “ ‘You might have a lot of money, but I’m the boss here.’ ”

Said Tyson: “You know, if you’re going to give me a ticket, give me a ticket. Don’t give me a ticket and a lecture.”

That machine’s a dog: When the Washington Huskies came south last week to prepare for the Rose Bowl, they brought with them Coach Don James’ “power lift” viewing tower, at a cost of $1,750.

Sunday, before a workout at Golden West College in Huntington Beach, the power lift began acting up. James decided to watch practice from the field.

Good call. Husky video manager Moe Herman finally was able to get the thing started, but at the end of practice, Herman and assistant coach Doug Hostetler remained airborne for 15 minutes before the lift let them down.

Long-range attempt: Sarunas Marciulionis, the Golden State Warriors’ Lithuanian shooting guard, said recently that the quality of basketball in his republic had deteriorated because of volatile relations with the Soviet government.

Said Marciulionis: “I want to make it like it was before.”

He hopes to lure coaches from the NBA and other levels of the game to Lithuania by building a resort complex in Vilnius that will include a hotel, a restaurant, a bar and a 2,500-seat arena.

Save your breath: It’s no secret that athletes who train at high altitude have an advantage over their sea level-trained opponents.

As if to reassure himself of the fact, Colorado Coach Bill McCartney recently asked his medical staff to research the effects of such a change.

Dr. Wayne Gersoff and trainer Dave Burton reported that the effects wear off over time.

So why did the Buffaloes travel to Miami 12 days before their Orange Bowl rematch with Notre Dame?

Said McCartney: “It was finals week, so we would have to practice at night. Also we couldn’t accomplish anything at home in (snowy) conditions because we don’t have an indoor facility. We needed the work.”

In his face: In a recent letter to the Chicago Sun-Times, Alan G. Lewis of Chicago expressed his displeasure with the rotating billboards mounted on the announcers’ and officials’ tables for the Bulls’ games at Chicago Stadium.

Wrote Lewis: “I, for one, have made mental notes to avoid purchasing the products advertised on this ‘Rolodex from Hell.’ ”

Trivia answer: Ernie Banks.

Quotebook: Xavier Fernandes, one of eight New Englanders who took part in a Christmas Eve television satellite hookup to exchange holiday greetings with sons and daughters on military duty in the Persian Gulf area, to his son, Roman, a Marine corporal and lifelong fan of the New England Patriots: “I know it’s rough over there, but look at it this way--at least you don’t have to see the Patriots’ games over here.”