Their Fashion Statement Fails to Skirt Issue

What is the well-dressed basketball player wearing this season? Well, in the Liberty Basketball Assn., the new professional league for women, the players have been wearing skin-hugging, form-fitting, controversy-raising Spandex uniforms, tighter than a game decided by a last-second shot.

Here is the debate. Decide for yourself where you stand.

PRO: Lighten up. Let the women wear whatever uniforms they want.

CON: But some of the women don’t want to wear them.

PRO: It’s Spandex, not Playtex.

CON: It’s sex.

PRO: Come on. Gymnasts and cyclists and swimmers and sprinters wear this sort of stuff all the time. Look at Florence Griffith Joyner.

CON: You’d love to.

PRO: How come it’s sexist to watch women athletes in tight uniforms but it’s OK for women to go around talking about how they love watching baseball players in “tight pants?”

CON: Because women don’t sexually abuse men. Women don’t claim a man deserved to be assaulted because he was provocatively dressed.

PRO: Assaulted? We’re just talking about basketball here.

CON: Women have enough trouble with sexism without being forced to wear indecent clothing at work.

PRO: Wait a minute. Some of these players say they play better in these uniforms. Say they move better. Say the uniforms are aerodynamically sound.

CON: Sure. And FloJo wore white lace leotards with one leg missing so she could be aerodynamically sound.

PRO: She won, didn’t she? She didn’t hurt anybody, did she?

CON: Maybe you think college women could draw larger crowds if they wore tighter uniforms.

PRO: Maybe, maybe not. But what would it hurt? They wear tighter skirts on campus than anything the basketball team might wear.

CON: You probably liked it when Ann White wore that skin-tight body stocking at Wimbledon.

PRO: Wait a minute. Women tennis players wear tiny little dresses and you think it was too sexy for a woman to show up in long johns?

CON: You probably liked it when Ted Turner’s basketball team, the Atlanta Hawks, had a promotional offer recently for women who showed up in bikini swimsuits.

PRO: Hey, I notice that Ted Turner’s fiancee doesn’t teach her workouts in a baggy T-shirt and sweat pants.

CON: These people are trying to sell this new women’s basketball league with sex and you know it.

PRO: I know no such thing. Men used to swim with shirts on. How modest are you, anyhow?

CON: I suppose this saves the TV cameramen the bother of aiming their lenses at cheerleaders the whole game.

PRO: I suppose you think cheerleaders should dress in robes and veils.

CON: Do you honestly believe these women play basketball more comfortably in these uniforms?

PRO: Look, it’s possible. Patrick Ewing played more comfortably with a T-shirt under his jersey. People complained about it. Now everybody does it.

CON: Maybe if Patrick Ewing was more comfortable bare-chested you’d let him play in his skin.

PRO: Where would he wear his number?

CON: Look, there’s a time and place for sexy clothing, and a basketball game isn’t it. They shouldn’t be out there dressed like mud-wrestlers.

PRO: Right. And that Evander Holyfield sure has his nerve, walking around shirtless like that.

CON: Oh, spare me. Like boxing really needs those bimbos carrying the signs with the round numbers in their dental-floss bikini bottoms.

PRO: And I’ll bet that wicked Greg Louganis could have dived just as well in a pair of calf-length Bermuda shorts.

CON: You don’t see women golfers selling out this way to sell their sport.

PRO: Maybe if they did, they’d double their audience.

CON: Oh, please. Go home and turn the page on your Jan Stephenson pinup calendar, why don’t you?

PRO: If Jan Stephenson played golf dressed like Madonna, what difference would it make?

CON: It isn’t necessary. Clothes shouldn’t matter.

PRO: Exactly my point. Who cares what they wear?

CON: We should care. It’s unnecessary titillation.

PRO: Men who coach NBA basketball teams are forced to wear a jacket and tie. Do you think that’s necessary?

CON: It’s not the same.

PRO: Why do they have to dress up? Why can’t they just coach in a sweater and slacks? Bobby Knight does.

CON: It’s nice to look nice.

PRO: But if it isn’t important to the way the team plays, and if it doesn’t sell tickets, why is it necessary?

CON: So, what’s the solution?

PRO: The solution is that adults should be able to dress however they want. Give the women basketball players two sets of identical uniforms, one tight, one loose. Let them decide individually what to wear.

CON: Say, that’s good thinking.

PRO: Thanks.

CON: I mean, for a man.