Does This Man Ever Stop? : Chick Hearn has kept pace with the Lakers in a style he can call his own

Francis Dayle Hearn was mighty steamed. “If the Lakers don’t get a win tonight,” he stormed about the upcoming game with the paltry Sacramento Kings, “they should send a letter to the Commissioner (of the NBA) that they don’t want to be in the playoffs!”

“Chick” Hearn, the mouth of the Lakers--universally acclaimed the Fastest Tongue in the West--was biting the hand that writes his checks.

He chewed on and on, well into the evening, about the loss to Portland two nights earlier--Black Friday, the sports scribes were calling it. The Lakers had a 21-point lead in the third quarter--and lost in overtime, 109 to 105: “Toughest loss I ever endured with the Lakers,” he said over and over and over. The sentiment could not be missed by listeners this night on Prime Ticket cable TV or KLAC-AM, plus all the regional TV hookups. (When the Lakers are out of town Hearn and Co. announce on KCAL.)

Off-mike, Hearn was asked to go on the record, no nonsense, to predict the seemingly interminable playoffs that commenced last week: He picked Portland and Detroit in the finale, if the wounded Isiah Thomas is back tiptop with the Pistons. If not, then Portland and Boston. No Lakers? He sniffed that the Lakers are no better than third in the West now.

Some longtime Lakerites say that Hearn has been unusually churlish this season, with some sharp now-and-then criticism, real or implied, of the players for “dumb fouls” or general sloth, of the coach, the management, etc. Not exactly a “homer.”

“Of course I want the Lakers to win,” he said, “but I don’t want the guy at home to know it. When we play Boston, there are almost as many Boston people (fans) in Los Angeles as there are Lakers (fans). This is the melting pot of the world, and I think it’s only fair to go right down the middle of the road as much as you can.

“But it’s really hard. You live with these guys, you eat with them, you travel with them. They’re your friends.”

Owner (and check signer) Jerry Buss doesn’t seem to care if Hearn is a homer or not: “He has been critical and he’s been criticized for that. I guess anybody who’s a die-hard Laker fan would like more of a homer. But his objectivity has been one of his fortes.”

Without computer assistance, it’s difficult to quantify Hearn’s coverage of the Lakers. This day was his 2,409th consecutive broadcast, according to team tabulations. That is a mouthful--and the fact is that Hearn is a Laker star as much as the stars of the hardwood. Some day his mike and headset may be affixed to the walls of the Great Western Forum along with the championship banners and golden game shirts from Chamberlain, Baylor, West and Abdul-Jabbar.

Said owner Buss, “Chick’s an integral part of the team.”

How tough would it be to replace him if he chose to retire? “Well, you don’t replace Magic (Johnson) and you can’t replace Chick.”

(Hearn is always chiding the scanty-clad millionaires on the floor, not the least of whom is the multiple-millionaire Magic Man. So how much does he make? “Well,” Hearn said safely, “I guess it’s safe to say high six figures.”)

People of all shapes and sizes gawk at they pass the broadcast table high above the western sidelines. “Always enjoy you, Chick,” said a man on his way to the beer or the gourmet cookies. An elderly woman passed over an ornate thank-you card. On the pre-game call-in show, Timothy of Huntington Beach related that Hearn had signed an autograph on one occasion and, “I didn’t create much of a conversation (then) because I’m so in awe of you.”

Hearn’s legend comes from his gift of gabbing: Magic fakes foes into the popcorn machine. Guards yo-yo up and down or make dribble drives and toss up prayers, frozen ropes, air balls, fall-away jumpers, finger rolls or slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam dunks.

But, to twist another favorite phrase, the mustard is still on the hotdog for the Irishman. Although his older knees are troublesome and he (as well as the Lakers) often seems to fade in the late stages of the rougher games, Hearn is trim at 6-foot-3, 212 pounds (his playing weight in Illinois amateur days was 190) and an undesignated age (he won’t comment but he has been around the block) and still can talk 100 miles an hour, with gusts to 150.

Actually, during one relatively normal one-minute stretch of the game, he was clocked at 186 words, with Lantz contributing 18.

Hearn figures his secret is threefold--preparation, preparation and, last but not least, preparation. He starts yesterday: “I know all these guys by sight. They could come out there naked and I’d know them. (But) you don’t have much time to look down at notes. I mean, you’re handling 24 guys and three refs.”

He scrutinizes old interviews and box scores, record books, especially on probable enemy stars. He prepares outsized notecards for each team, Lakers too, with block letters on players (phonetically spelled, as in HORNA SEK for Jeff Hornacek or DE VOTZ for Vlade Divac). He scrawls heights, weights, draft year, colleges, averages, etc.

When he played baseball, he’d field ground balls for hours after practice with his father batting to him; in basketball, he’d do an extra hour on the court. (He averaged 23 points a game, driving to the basket or fashioning two-handed set shots, his specialties.)

Marge Hearn--his wife of 50 years--attests to his zeal. He picks up his own socks and “I’ve never packed a bag for him,” she said.

On game days, he and sidekick Stu (“That’ll get the job done”) Lantz, the ex-ball player, lay in radio spots for their show and talk through “ad libs” (their joke) for PrimeTicket TV intros.

The crew considers new problems: Monty Bancroft, who produces the radio side (“Wouldn’t cross the street to see a game . . . but I like the checks”), complained that TV slipped in an extra 30-second spot, leaving him to cover with a 30-second hole.

One night Hearn “almost” mentioned a great rendition of the national anthem--but the audience couldn’t have heard the anthem because commercials cover the song, a common omission on NBA broadcasts. “When a lot of people find out we’re cutting out the anthem, they’ll be mad,” Hearn advised.

One TV producer referred to “a knockdown-dragout” tiff between Hearn and Rick Pallak’s, the Valley clothing store that supplies the announcers with blue blazers and silk ties. The store wanted its phone added to its credit graphic. Hearn snapped, “You think people are sitting there and wait to write down the phone numbers?”

Action takes place at a long desk with a brace of orange lamps, with TV monitors so that replays can be redescribed. Hearn is equipped with makeup puff, hand mirror and hair brush. Throat lozenges and a cup of steaming water are delivered each quarter for his pummeled vocal chords.

The broadcast panel is a rage of action, seven deep, figuring our stars, radio and TV producers, a statistics compiler, a “gofer” to go for things and a Laker publicist.

People thrust papers and fingercues in Hearn’s face and he, in turn, jabs his pen or a desk ruler at Lantz to cue him.

It’s astounding that so few misstatements are made in the fury of a game. Hearn recalled a frantic breakaway in a football game when he had the halfback charging across the “46 yard line, the 47, 48, 49, 50, 51 . . .”

A Sacramento guard stumbled and was called for traveling. Hearn inserted his patented aside that the player committed “the bunny hop in the pea patch.”

“That wasn’t a bunny hop,” corrected Lantz.

“Ever see a bunny hop?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“A pea patch,” said Lantz.

“I have a garden . . . ,” Hearn began, launching a ramble.

Lantz advised, “Do the game.”

It was a good night and Hearn put the game early “in the refrigerator,” complete with a new TV graphic of eggs cooling and Jell-O jiggling and the refrigerator door slamming shut.

He may never forget the Black Friday loss to Portland but in the fading moments of this slaughter (Lakers 115, Kings 87), the pain was easing: “It’s the first time I’ve smiled since 10:30 Friday night.”

The NBA playoffs continue through mid-June. Television coverage depends upon the teams involved and the length of each round. See the TV Times Sports Lineup on Page 10 for a rundown of the week’s planned games, but for complete up-to-date listings consult the daily TV or Sports pages.