Roberts Fights to Ensure His Game Won’t Go Belly Up

The rule of thumb when eating on the road is really quite simple. The best, and freshest stuff, is probably what grows in the neighborhood.

Thus, you look for steak in places like Kansas City and Dallas and maybe a cheese souffle in Wisconsin and crab in Baltimore and clams in Seattle and lobster in Puerto Nuevo.

When it comes to a place like Cincinnati, I think I might go for peanut butter and jelly.

Bip Roberts did not. He had shrimp for his pregame meal Wednesday. He should have called. I could have told him there is no shrimp in the Ohio River. I’m not sure anything lives in the Ohio River. They use Ohio River water to light barbecues.

Wherever that shrimp might have originated, it did not rest comfortably in Bip’s stomach. It could not have been more upset if he had eaten the darn things live. In fact, that was what it felt like.

He left Wednesday’s game early and he left Thursday’s game early, each time succumbing to the queasiness inflicted by those killer shrimp.

I walked into the Padre locker room before Friday night’s game with the San Francisco Giants to give Bip a few culinary tips, but it was obvious he had learned his lesson. He was addressing teammates Jerald Clark and Andy Benes, lest they someday make the same mistake.

“Don’t ever eat shrimp,” he was saying, “unless you live close to the water. Then you know it’s fresh.”

Lesson learned . . . the hard way.

“Yeah,” Roberts said, “that’s the second time that’s happened to me. I have to take care and not do it again.”

It cost him a spot in Friday’s starting lineup--and it cost him eight pounds.

“Normally,” he said, “I weigh 155 pounds, and I don’t have any body fat as it is. I don’t have eight pounds to lose.”

What had to hurt more than his stomach doing the lambada, however, were suggestions from Greg Riddoch, his boss, that he was lacking in stamina. That was what he had to read in Friday’s newspapers.

This struck me as funny, since Roberts played in 149 games last year and batted 556 times. This man is no Jack Clark or Mike Marshall, who probably would be taken out of the lineup by ingrown toenails. Roberts had missed 10 games this year with back spasms and then parts of those two games in Cincinnati with what might be called stomach spasms. He would not seem to be a hypochondriac.

“The criticism is unjust,” Roberts said, “but the fact is that the guys want you out there playing. So you do play and you’re not yourself.”

Roberts shrugged.

“I don’t look at it as being harsh criticism.”

The truth is that Roberts’ job with the Padres is unique . . . and difficult. He got to the major leagues as a utility man, a job that usually means a lot of sitting around with no position to call home. What happened with Roberts was that he played so well they had to find a position for him.

But where?

Bip Roberts became an everyday player without a home, which happens to be a very rare commodity.

And it hurts.

“I remember Andy Van Slyke played a lot of positions,” he said, “and no one knew what one he was good at. It always killed him. They found one for him in center field and now he’s a great one. I’m not saying I would be a great center fielder, but it’s easier being in one place.”

Roberts started the season at second base and now he, too, is in center field, in either case batting leadoff.

“I’m the only guy in baseball,” he said, “who leads off every day and plays multiple positions. That wears on your mind. You get tired, but you get tired mentally more than physically.”

If he were mentally drained, it did not show late Friday afternoon. He could not have been more upbeat if he had gone four for four with four stolen bases and four runs scored.

“Hey,” he said, “I try to have the same attitude whether I go 0 for 4 or 4 for 4. I want to always be myself. I’m a happy-go-lucky person. I’m gonna have fun. Remember, they say play ball.”

On this evening, however, they would say “play ball,” and Bip Roberts would be sitting on the bench. This is not one of the positions he prefers.

But he was working on a project.

“I’m on a crash diet,” he said, “to gain weight.”

The shrimp is gone, and now it’s about getting those eight pounds back.

“Man,” he said, “I grubbed last night. I ate a lot of food.”

The menu, for those keeping score, included four pork chops, two pieces of corn on the cob, salad and beans.

“I jumped into the Jacuzzi to relax,” he said, “and then I got out and ate three hot dogs.”

And the weight was coming back. The in-laws were in town Friday, so he knew what to expect after the game. The barbecue would definitely be fired up. And so would Bip Roberts.

One thing he might keep in mind. There are places where shrimp are not as unruly as the ones he had in Cincinnati. San Diego is one of them.